Controlling the Lake: Toxic Charity & what I plan to study

I recently finished one of the best books I have ever read: ToxicCharity – How churches and charities hurt those they help (and how to reverseit) by Robert D. Lupton. 

Among its many great points, the book offers the best description of Community Development that I have yet come across. I hadn’t really heard of community development until I stumbled across the graduateprogram I’ll be starting this fall. Further, most of my friends/family/anyone really, stare a bit blankly when I tell them I plan to study “community development,” so I thought I would provide Lupton’s description of it here: 

Controlling the Lake

Feed a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he’ll eat for a lifetime. It’s conventional wisdom. 

But what happens when the fish disappear from the lake due to pollution or overfishing? 

Then it’s time for a change of strategy. Someone has to figure out how to get control of the lake: stop the pollutants, issue fishing licenses, put wildlife-management policies in place. Teaching a man to fish is an individual matter; but gaining control of the lake is a community issue. 

That’s why we call it “community development” and not human services. While those of us in community development value personal, hands-on, high-touch ministry, we also see that there are larger issues that have an impact on a person’s potential for growth. What good is job training if the available jobs won’t  enable a man to support his family? Or what benefit is homeownership if the home is in a deteriorating, crime-infested neighborhood? If we are to teach people to both fish and thrive, we must figure out how to make use of the lake’s potential…. (p108-109). 

Later, on page 114, he adds another example: “A microloan may help a family buy a cart to haul their produce but it will not pave a road made impassible during the rainy season – that takes community development.” 

And that is what I want to do: community development….maximizing the potential of figurative lakes :)  I don’t know exactly how but I want to work to allow entire communities to use their assets and abilities to make the most of themselves for their benefit and the world’s. 

Lofty, yes. 

But I am a dreamer and I’m hoping this degree will help me figure out how to make more of these dreams a reality.

Small Parking Lots and Actually Loving Your Neighbor...

In August, I am moving to Nashville and I'm already looking for a church to join.

The following paragraph radically altered my search: 

"Ask yourself: What is my parish? Historically, churches have had vested interest in their surrounding communities. And members often lived within walking distance of the church (explaining small parking lots). Pastors lived in the parsonages attached to or near the churches, and the churches had vital roles in the life of their communities. As a society, when we became commuterized churchgoers, all that changed. Most churches have lost their community roots, with little connection to the geography surrounding their buildings." (1)

And, I would add that larger, commuterized churchogers have a great chance for lost connection to the people in the building as well as the surrounding buildings.

Hear me out.

I love my church where my pastor and many other attendees know my name, maybe even some of my story. I don't feel like just a face in the crowd. And I aim to be involved: attending on Sunday, doing service projects, belonging to a smaller community group that meets outside of church. 

BUT what if I didn't live 20-30 minutes away from my churchgoers but lived and went to church with my neighbors.

In my Nashville church search, I had fallen in love with this big church that will be about 30 minutes away from where I hope to live. I no longer plan to go there. I want to find one much closer because...

What if I saw my pastor and other churchgoers in my local grocery store, at the corner gas station, went for walks with them on weekday mornings? What if knowing a mom in my community group was sick, instead of sending a little prayer via text, I lived close enough to stop by and watch her kids while she took a nap? Or what if knowing I was stressed out of my mind during grad school midterms, a family in my church made me dinner and invited me down the street to save me from cooking and cleaning for an evening?

Maybe, like me, you are already settled into a church and have roots there. What then?

How about we live this out:

³⁶ “Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?” ³⁷ Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ ³⁸ This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ⁴⁰ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”    

                                                                              - Matthew 22:36-40 (NLT)

I'm ashamed to say that I do not even know my current neighbor's name. What if I did? What if we hung out, shared meals, spent time in each others homes? Went to church together?

Not only should we live out loving one another in our churches better as we see in 1 John:

¹¹ This is the message you have heard from the beginning: We should love one another...¹⁴ If we love our Christian brothers and sisters, it proves that we have passed from death to life. But a person who has no love is still dead...¹⁸ Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.

                                                                            - 1 John 3:11,14,18 (NLT)


We should also love those in the homes around our homes AND the homes around our churches who don't know Jesus. 

Ask yourself:  "What is my parish?"
Love. Your. Neighbor.
Believers and unbelievers.




(1) = p 170 of Toxic Charity: How Churches and Charities Hurt Those They Help (And how to reverse it) by Robert D. Lupton

You're More Beautiful Than You Think

You're More Beautiful Than You Think.

I'd be willing to bet on it.

As women especially, we are ridiculously hard on ourselves.

It has never been more apparent than in this recent experiment by Dove:

These women so misrepresented themselves. The sketch of what others saw was so much more grace-giving than the ones where they described how they perceived themselves to be.

We see - and focus on - flaws rather than our stronger features.

I do it too. 

I recently had a horrible breakout AND an even worse haircut that looked like a mix between Cindy Lou Who from the Grinch and a 1960s bouffant hairstyle. There was an increase in self-hate talk and a decrease in confidence. 

Thank God those are two very temporary situations. 

Skin clears and hair grows back. 

But, sadly, body image issues remain.

I recently saw this article that summarizes 9 things we should know about body-image issues: 

1. Was the video from above; here is a still-shot the article showed: 
   

2. 5'3" and 166.2 pounds: average height and weight for American women. 5'10" and 120 pounds: average for fashion models
3. Age 6: when girls start to express concerns about their own weight or shape. 40-60% of elementary girls: amount who are concerned about their weight or about becoming too fat. (AGE 6!?! No wonder this is a pervasive problem for women... we are conditioned to be concerned about our image by the time we begin elementary school.)
4. 12-13 years old: the median ages for onset of an eating disorder in adolescents. 20 million: U.S. women who suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder at some time in their life.
5.  4%: amount of women globally who consider themselves beautiful.
6. 2/3 of women globally: the amount who strongly agree that "the media and advertising set an unrealistic standard of beauty that most women can't ever achieve"
7. Researchers have found that "fat talk"—a phenomena in which a person makes negative claims about their weight to others—is an expected norm among women and a way for them to appear more modest.
8. A study published in the Journal of Eating Disorders found that while "fat talk" tended to decrease with age, "old talk" often came in to replace it, and that both were reported by women who appeared to have a negative body image
9. The only complete way to overcome the problem is to have our beliefs about body image transformed by the Holy Spirit. As Heather Davis says in the Journal of Biblical Counseling:

In pursuing worldly beauty, we strive to become this elusive image in place of who we really are. You and I are created in the image of the living God. Our purpose is to reflect His image to the world. But since the fall, we let the world inscribe its image on us. It is the very picture of sin and ultimately death. Instead of being transformed to God's image, we conform to the world's image...

God makes you beautiful with the beauty of His Son, Jesus. It is in gazing at God's image in Jesus Christ that you are transformed. Romans 12:1-2 says, "Therefore, I urge you, (sisters) in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

And, said in a different way, this is one of my all-time favorite slam poems, "You are Beautiful" by Mike Young. It is SO worth a listen! 

Some of my favorite lines of his are... 

• Saying that you're nothing does not honor me
• Humility isn't thinking less of you, it's thinking of you less
• This reality: you look just like your Daddy
• [who thinks you're beautiful?] "I do" proclaims the voice that spoke the skies 
• You are beautiful because of what I say... - God

Genesis 1:27 says: 

So God created human beings in his own image.
    In the image of God he created them;
    male and female he created them.

We look just like our daddy. 

As Mike Young says, the voice that spoke the skies spoke our name and when He did, He had glory on his lips. 

We are beautifully and wonderfully made in the image of the creator of the entire world. 

He does not make mistakes and He made us exactly as we are... it is a slap in His face when we insult our image or anyone else since we all represent Him. 

I hope you can live out the Romans verses above. Break you mind from distorting your image from anything but beautiful.

As the Dove campaign put it, "You're More Beautiful Than You Think."

First Guest Post: The Rantings of One Emma the Kane

1) I had a delightfully long phone date with my friend Emma last week and one of the many topics we covered was the Facebook activity around the gay marriage debate. 

2) In case you missed it, there was a ton of support online with the red and pink equal signs. There were even articles written about this facebook support, as seen here. 

3) I thought my friend brought up a pretty good point that it would be awesome if our generation would get just as public about other issues and move to action beyond simply changing their profile picture on facebook. 

4) I told her she should write a blog and she sent me her thoughts in an email below; I have highlighted points in bold that I really liked. I hope y'all enjoy the change of pace with a different writer :) 

ok so i thought id go ahead and send you this while it is still brewing and stewing in my brain!  i can tell you that an introvert's brain, well at least this one's, never really shuts off.  so here we go:

forgive my lack of eloquence...i am sick and tired of hearing all this marriage equality crap every single time i open my computer or look on facebook or turn on the tv.  every single status that i see updated on facebook is about marriage equality and everyone's new profile picture is the equality symbol they have used.  i am just sick and tired of it, pass it, don't pass it, i could care less.  really as a secular government under the constitution they should pass it, so go ahead!  just don't force churches to be perform the ceremonies if they find it against their beliefs.  if you want an honest separation of church and state then truly separate the church and the state and stop forcing churches to do things.  

more importantly, why aren't people standing outside the supreme court or the white house or where this "sit in" is being performed to demand harsher convictions for child molesters and sex offenders?  or how about the millions of girls and children being kidnapped and forced into sex slavery, or not even that, those girls that are expecting to be a sex slave because their mothers and sisters and neighbors had to follow that path if they didn't get married first.  and even in those marriages, can they expect peace and protection or the same fear of rape and abuse but by the same man instead of many men in one night?  how about we worry about those millions of child soldiers that are drugged and brainwashed to do all of the horrible things to other people that their kidnappers are doing to them, watching their parents die and then killing other children?  how about those children that are afraid to be home, afraid of their own parents, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, neighbors, teachers, babysitters because of the things they do to them behind closed doors and through the guise of "trust" and "friendship."  how about the children in north korea who are so starved that they will pick the rice out of the mud that the soldiers drop, piece by piece, just to get a bite to eat?  how about the millions of people in our own backyard that can't get a freaking job so they can no longer support their families?  how about those people also in our own backyard that are being trafficked right in front of our noses as slaves? 

how about those people that see all of these things happen but they are so self consumed that they don't do anything to stop it or help in any small way they can?  I could go on and forgive this rant, but seriously, marriage equality is a first world problem and quite frankly we have bigger fish to fry.  like i said: pass it, don't pass it, i could care less at this point.  but if you're gonna make a big stink about something like that, what about these other issues where people really need the law to support them instead of failing them over and over again?  i think we all need to rethink some priorities here.

[NOTE FROM SARAH: I don't want to offend my gay friends or take any huge stance for or against gay marriage BUT I do wish people would get as vocal or more vocal about issues where people's lives are at stake or babies or starving or women are being raped. These issues are urgent and largely ignored by the general public. Show some public support for those things. So ride this wave of activism... keep it up!!!]

Golf Balls & Mayo: a great life lesson

I don't particularly like golf or mayo...but I loved this story.

Such a powerful and simple visual with a great lesson. 

I saw it on facebook recently and wanted to share:

The Mayonnaise Jar

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and two cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and fills it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “YES”.

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, family,
children, health, friends, and favorite passions. Things, that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.” he said.

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “There is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are
important to you...” he told them.

“So... pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Worship with your family. Play with your children. Take your partner out to dinner. Spend time with good friends. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the dripping tap. Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled and said, “I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

Please share this with other "Golf Balls"

All too often sand can distract me and fill my days :(

I hope this simple story can help us all focus more on prioritizing and appreciating our golf balls! 

Giving a S-#-@-T about Haiti: my recent trip

Tony Campolo was the keynote speaker 30 years ago at a seminary graduation.

He walked on stage and the first words in his speech to all of these Christians were:

"25,000 kids died last night - and you don't give a shit." 

The audience heard this and the whispers began: "Did he really say that?," "Oh my gosh, he just said 'shit.'!?!" etc. The whispering and tension grew and grew. Eventually it reached the president and faculty on stage who were clearly distraught, likely questioning one another about if they should intervene and apologize or let him continue and potentially say something even more shocking which is something Campolo is now known to do.

Before anyone could say anything, Campolo continued:

"The reason I know this is true is that I just told you that 25,000 KIDS DIE EVERY NIGHT and you are more concerned with the fact that I just said a 4 letter word on stage."

Sad, but true.

I heard this story from a man who was in that audience that day. 3 years ago, that story returned to his mind when he felt called by God to start an orphanage - Alex's House - in Haiti. 

And Haiti is the reason I've been in a bit of a hiatus from blogging because I was preparing to lead the trip, actually in Haiti and then resting and recovering after I got back.

I can't even begin to figure out how to get my thoughts and heart down in any brief, understandable way.

• There was so much poverty
• And so much trash which is simply not an adequate term: To take the trash out meant either burning it in a ditch or throwing it in the "river" which was more of a sloshy dump

• There was ridiculous traffic with the stance that traffic laws were mere suggestions... we only saw one stoplight and 2 stop signs the whole week and they were largely disregarded 

• Tent cities were still all around
• There was dirt and dust and mess

And then there were the people:

• The woman who was beaten and robbed right in front of the compound we were staying in; her screams were so frantic that at first we feared she was being raped
• Then there was the man who sat guard at our gate after it that night holding a foot and a half long machete 
• There was the little boy who we spotted sawing rusted rebar in the back of a moving, overflowing dump truck rushing down bumpy roads. He could not have been older than 10. 
• And then there were the 3 teen boys who saw him as the truck turned into a busy intersection. They rushed out through the cars and threw themselves on the side ladder to climb up and join him. The dumptruck did not even slow down. A Haitian woman with us said that was how it was in Haiti: if you wanted work, you were gonna have to get it.

• The little neighborhood boy who hung out with us at the orphanage we were fixing up who was clearly malnourished with his bloated belly and twig arms and legs. Despite his lack of, when we gave him bits of our lunch each day, he taught us a beautiful lesson and SHARED, immediately leaving to give some to his brother before he even tasted the food.

• The countless street children we played with in the afternoons who were dirty, half naked and often barefoot, sick with a snotty nose and SO FULL OF JOY. They laughed and sang and played and hugged, so very grateful even with how little they had. Below is probably the most joyful boy in Haiti... and my favorite ;) Meet Paul!

And there were so many more children like him.

1 in every 5 children in Haiti will DIE before their 5th birthday. (1)

Many of us are familiar with the troubles of Haiti - particularly after the 2010 earthquake - but we don't DO much about them.

I'm by no means tooting my own horn for going; in fact, I feel like I could/should have done so much more...

I don't even know how to begin to do something to fix all the problems I saw.

But I do know, to quote another Alex's House visitor, that "I have seen things I can't unsee." And now, excuse my language, I give a shit.

I hope you do too.

More facts about Haiti can be found here and here and here.

I hope to blog more in the future about ways we can do something.

Rising to a Better Story: Visiting Vandy

This weekend was my first official visit to Vanderbilt as an accepted student.

I was a little nervous but mostly excited... excited to meet the professors, meet my classmates, get questions answered, explore where I'll be living, etc.

Last night was SO much fun! It was a trivia night put on by the graduate student association.

I was the only prospective student who showed up from my program because the social was an optional event. This meant I got the undivided attention of my team, 5 current students who were a wealth of stories and advice and housing suggestions.

There was pizza and candy, laughter and high fives. Loud music. Bonding.

We even won a prize.... for coming in last place. Real life.

It was a really promising start to graduate school ;)

But seriously: I couldn't have asked for a better beginning to my time here.

--------------

Then today was the big day: 9am - 5pm... full of meetings and people and information.

Honestly, it was all a little overwhelming. Even for me, an extreme social butterfly.

The reality of this next season of life hit me like a brick wall.

Finding housing.
Finding a roommate.
Figuring out financial aid.
Realizing I'm probably about to have to take out several loans and go into debt.
Realizing I'm about to have homework and reading and papers and classes again.
Realizing I know ONE PERSON in all of Nashville.
Realizing I'll be away from all the people I know and love back home in SC.

BUT also realizing:
- There is so much opportunity ahead of me
- I'm going to learn and grow so much
- I will get to meet and make new friends here
- I get to make this place my new home

----------------

Then, I read this post today from the SheLoves website I told you about in my last post.

When you get past the lady's pretty pictures, you get to what she is really talking about. She came to a decision point in her life where she lost her job and had to choose to go for her dream and take a leap of faith that it would work out.

Vandy and this degree and where it will take me are my leap of faith. 
So is leaving my home and comfort and community.

I loved what the lady said in her post:

Fear had a hold of me.

But for once this wasn’t the “What if I never create something awe-inspiring, profound or useful?” kind of Fear.

This was the “What if I leap and actually make the world a better place?” kind of Fear.

To be honest, right now after this long day with an information-and-new-face-overload, I feel more fear than excitement or peace.

But, I think I feel that fear because I am realizing I might could leap and make the world a better place.

And that is not to say that I'm not already/that I couldn't make the world a better place back in Charleston. It is just that this awesome-slightly-intimidating opportunity to go to Vandy is now a reality so I feel like I should take it.

I also love how the lady described that in her post. She said it was a chance to "Rise to a better story:"

Our hearts were filled with fear. But not the usual bullying kind. This was the good kind. The kind of fear that straightens out all the feathers on your wings before you make the jump. The kind of fear you feel before you rise to a better story.

Well, fear has straightened out all the feathers on my wings and I'm going to prepare to make the jump.

The jump to figure out housing and finances and roommates and my future life direction.

I have officially accepted my acceptance to Vandy.

I'm rising to a better story :)