Advice from a Yogi, Anne Frank and a First Lady

If you ever want to start your day off well, go for an early morning walk with a yogi (aka someone really into yoga).

That's what I did to start off this fabulous Friday.

My yogi friend was drinking green tea and was full of positive energy... which I needed as I have been berating myself all week as I attempt to complete my grad school application which I was steadily convincing myself would never get me accepted.

She stopped me in the midst of putting myself down over failing to write a "good enough" purpose statement for my grad school application. She told me something that she had just learned in her yoga teacher training and it was incredibly profound:

"If you wouldn't say it to someone else, you shouldn't say it to yourself."

Dang.

So true.

But, how often do we - especially women - put ourselves down? Whether over body image or boys or grad school application inadequacies. 

I always work so hard at encouraging other people BUT often fail to do the same for myself. I am my own worst critic.

Well, I plan to quit it.

I invite y'all to do the same.

What if instead of telling ourselves we aren't good enough for [insert your own personal insecurity in here], we told ourselves something positive that we appreciate about ourselves?

It doesn't have to be as cheesy or high energy as this, though it is adorable and one of my YouTube favs ;)

This little girl's daily affirmations may be a bit extreme BUT what a great example of being grateful and pleased with who we are and where we are in life.

What if we started each day off the same way?

Not endlessly picking apart our "flaws" but appreciating our hair or home or whatever and telling ourselves that we "can do anything good"?

I believe that the power of positive thinking would have impressive effects.

One of which is happiness :)

My friend's positivity made me happier by the end of our walk AND, conveniently, her tea bag's tag summarized it well with this quote on the back:

"Inspiring others towards happiness brings you happiness."

Even in the midst of grad school application stress, I can find something to be happy about.

One reason I know this is because Anne Frank in the midst of putting her life on hold and hiding to avoid being persecuted or killed during the holocaust said this:

"Whoever is happy will make others happy too."

Isn't that impressive? In the midst of her rough circumstances, she chose to be happy.

Happiness is a choice.

The first ever First Lady of America, Martha Dandridge Custis Washington, said this:

 "The greater part of happiness or misery depends on our disposition, not our circumstances."

We can choose a disposition where we put ourselves down and feel miserable OR we can choose to be nice to ourselves and be happy, making others happy too.

I hope you will join my yogi friend, myself, Anne Frank and Martha Washington in choosing to be happy and thinking more highly of ourselves.

Remember, "if you wouldn't say it to anyone else, you shouldn't say it to yourself." 

The Day I Quit Saying I was "Starving"

My boss adopted a little boy from an orphanage in China earlier this year. Through his adoption process and since his son has arrived, he has been told many stories about orphanages and I have the opportunity to hear of them through him.

Monday night he shared this story:

One of his friends went to work at an orphanage in Turkey. It was in poor condition and could only afford to feed the children twice a day.Sometimes only once a day.

Every single meal was the exact same thing.

It was not what many of us would ever choose to eat: a bowl of bland, nasty oatmeal mush. My boss clarified it definitely wasn’t any apples and cinnamon kinda flavor from Quaker like we’re accustomed to.

But, these children were truly starving so they never complained or hesitated when the food was available. In fact, they would scarf it down to ensure it makes it into their own stomach before perhaps an older or larger kid could come and snag it. When these children are so hungry and eat the food so fast, it can upset their stomach and make them sick.

The next thing my boss said brought up a mental image that broke my heart and burdened my soul.

His friend witnessed a child who ate too quickly, got sick and threw up his food.As soon as that happened, without any hesitation, all of the children rushed over and began eating the child’s vomit filled with the food.

At that point my boss closed his story saying “And the day I heard that story is the last day I ever said I was ‘starving.’”

I echo his conviction.    
                                                                                        

From Monday night onward, I shall never say that I am “starving” again.

Think about how often we throw that word – “starving” – around when we’re late to eat something from our over-flowing pantries and fridges stocked full of food.

How offensive and insensitive that is.

For many of us in America and around the world, we have never come close to starving.

But, according to the World Food Program, 925 million people do not have enough to eat. They also say that 10.9 million children under five die in developing countries each year. Malnutrition and hunger-related diseases cause 60 percent of the deaths.

They are starving.

I am a word nerd as a former communication major. I believe that words and the ways we use them are powerful.

So are the ways we mis-use them. Like saying we're "starving" when we really aren't. If we are not going to donate money to fight hunger or hand deliver food to them, I think the very very least we can do is change our vocabulary to be a bit more sensitive.

I hope that after reading this, you'll join my boss and I to quit saying you're "starving." 

Meeting bell hooks, one of the "100 Visionaries Who Could Change Your Life"

Ok, so I didn't exactly meet her... ;)

BUT, I did see her and hear her talk at the College of Charleston this past Friday.

She is listed as one of the 100 Visionaries Who Could change your life, according to UTNE. In addition, she was described as one of our nation's leading public intellectuals by The Atlantic Monthly. Further, she was described by our very own CofC as one of today's top feminist scholars.

Alison Piepmeier, the school's director of the Women's and Gender Studies program, said,

"Nearly every women’s and gender studies program in the nation teaches work by bell hooks, and I think I’ve quoted her in almost everything I’ve had published."

No doubt, when quoting hooks, one has many options since she has written over 30 books!?!

The lady is obviously accomplished.

She grew up the black daughter of a janitor and a maid in the middle of a segregated, rural town in Kentucky.

Because of that upbringing, she saw and experienced a lot about the way race and gender affected her life.

And influenced it.

She has said

One powerful intervention of the feminist movement was the call to recognize identity politics–to look at the ways, race, class, gender, sexuality, religion all influence our standpoints.

I think that is so necessary. When looking at issues, I do not separate the fact that I am female or southern or Christian or feminist, etc. etc. etc. I just view the issues from my own identity that is made up of all of those facets of me and more.

One thing that I found interesting was what Piepmeier said in the article promoting hooks visit:

Everyone who attends her talk will walk away with a question she has raised that is meaningful to them.

I did walk away with a meaningful message. It was not a question but a theme that hooks kept returning to: love.

Many would expect for her as a feminist or women who promotes black women and their voices to be angry. All the stereotypes would assume that she was raging pissed at society because it can be incredibly tough in our country to grow up black and female.

However, after years of writing and speaking and reflecting on being black and female, she seems to have concluded that we all just need to love more.

In a review on Amazon of her book All About Love: New Visions, it says her book:

asserts the place of love to end struggles between individuals, in communities, and among societies.

I thought that was beautiful, especially that it breaks the assumptions and stereotypes many would have of a black feminist and what she might have to say to the world. It is not a call to hate men or white people or anyone. Nope, she just wants us to live out love.

 It makes me think back to my recent blogpost about hugs and Mother Teresa and what it says in Romans 12:

9 Don't just pretend to love others. Really love them... 10 Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other.

I agree with the Bible and hooks on this, if we really and truly did love others, things would be better between people whether they were black or white, male or female, etc.

 Take a cue from the visionary woman bell hooks and love a little more.