Southern Belle Slip-up: On Doors and Attitude

Letting the door fall in someone's face is not an action; it is an attitude. 

                                                                                      - Cindy Grosso

So I had a little slip-up recently, in addition to not posting in a long time - sorry about that; my summer job has been keeping me busy!

But, my slip-up involved doors and attitude. 

I was heading into the post office to buy stamps and some envelopes.Here is what unfolded:

An older woman was maybe a foot in front of me and then a middle-aged woman was at my heels and the three of us walked in together - all through the door in less than 30 seconds.

I was lost in my thinking, trying to tally up how many stamps I needed and what size envelopes would fit the different items I was about to mail out, etc. etc. That mental concentration was broken when I heard this:

"You coulda said thank you.  [And then louder] You coulda said thank you!"

The older woman had stopped about three feet in the door while I had veered hard to the right to complete my mission in search of those stamps and envelopes. I turned around, startled to realize she was speaking to me. She continued:

"Yes, you. You coulda said thank you. Young lady, you are so rude and ungrateful -"

I must stop to interject for y'all a little explanation. I was born and bred in South Carolina and my Mama and Daddy raised me right: I know my manners and I use them. Or I thought I did.

In confusion and embarrassment, I listened on (along with about 10 others in the store who now noticed as the older woman had raised her voice):

"Next time I'll just let the door slam in your face. Can't believe you didn't say thank you. So rude."

The poor woman who had come in behind me - and I might add did not say thank you either - stood between myself and the older woman like a deer in the headlights. Furthermore, just about the entire room was now staring at all of this unfolding.

The whole situation had AWKWARD written all over it!

But I had slipped up.

In an attempt to smooth things over gracefully, I stuttered out an "I'm sorry" and "thank you for holding the door" though my gut reaction might have involved something a little less polite ;)

Being called out like that made me feel like I had failed in my Southern Belle ways. 

I had not realized she had really gone out of her way to hold the door open or I would have said something. Ordinarily, when anyone lingers to hold open a door or steps aside and lets me enter first or something a little more obvious like that, I never fail to thank them.

In fact, I even do those things for others - female, male, old, young, black, white. It doesn't matter.

I always try to hold open the door for others, especially after I heard the introductory quote:

Letting the door fall in someone's face is not an action; it is an attitude. 

                                                                                 - Cindy Grosso 

Cindy Grosso from the Charleston School of Etiquette and Protocol lead an event in table manners for a leadership group I was a part of. And she was legit; she has even been on Dr. Phil ;)

But, honestly, more than the table manners, the biggest thing that struck me in her presentation was that side comment about the doors; I'm ashamed to say I can hardly remember how to use all the utensils BUT I do often remember that quote about the doors.

As she explained, if you cannot take 5 seconds out of your day to linger and hold the door for someone, that says a lot about your arrogance and self-absorption but also of how little you think of that person behind you.

It truly is an attitude more than an action to snub someone by letting a door fall in their face.

As for my situation, I just can't help but wonder what Ms. Grosso would have to say about the woman who caused the commotion with me in the post office... and her attitude.

Regardless, that moment in the post office now joins the lesson I learned at  my leadership event. Though I was going in for a completely different thing - stamps and envelopes - I came out with something unexpected  seared into my memory:

the lesson that one should ALWAYS say "thank you" when someone holds the door cause you never know what attitude you might get otherwise!

Beyond Awkward Boy Update

It was not even 9am and already pushing 90 degrees, the sun out shining in full force. I was starting to sweat, lacking any makeup and wearing an old tank-top with some over-sized gym shorts. Needless to say, I was not dressed to impress.

I was dressed for a raft race. My Daddy's company participates in this community raft race every year and they take it very seriously, having won their division and even the whole competition in the past. He was not about to have me showing up with my nails and hair done. No. We were in it to win it.

Sadly, several people at my Daddy's office procrastinate. As a result, 20 minutes til our first race, we were still down about 3 people - aka we would forfeit without enough bodies in the boat. 

I was dutifully saying a prayer for their quick arrival and casually chatting with 2 guys: one was an older man and recent heart attack victim that worked for my Daddy and the second was a younger friend of his.

I barely glanced at them as we spoke but instead was scoping out the competition in the river in front of us. Absentmindedly, I had gathered that this younger guy had a goatee, an earring and was wearing a hat... of even greater interest to me, though, was the fact that he worked stage crew for the concert I was going to see later that night. This focused most of our conversation around the concert and its main act.

I wandered off only to be greeted by him upon my return with his offer to paddle in our boat if we needed him. I told him thanks and assured him if it came down between him and the older man who worked for my Daddy, we would definitely enlist his help so as not to induce another heart attack for the older guy.

Knowing he might be needed, he hung around initiating more small talk until the last 3 guys from my Daddy's company showed up just in time for our first race. Then, he quickly disappeared.

I thought for good.

Having finished the first race, now sweaty, salty from the river water (and possibly smelly), getting hit on was the last thing I was expecting. Much to my surprise, he came up from behind and handed me a folded up piece of paper. I saw it had information about the concert typed on it (i.e. gate entry info and check-in times, etc.) so I had a glimmer of excitement that he might be giving me a backstage pass or something.

Nope : (

As I turned over the paper I saw the following note: "If you want to hang out later tonight, that would be great! If you're single that is," followed by his name and number.

That is right folks, I was hit on via note. So elementary school AND worthy of a quick listen to George Strait's "Check Yes or No" song ;) .

Upon finishing up the raft races (we made it to the 4th heat), I mentioned the bizarre incident to my Daddy. He, of course, freaked out a bit which included calling the older guy who knew the guy who wanted to hang out with me. My Daddy's conversation went something like this: "Hey, who was that guy you were talking to earlier? What's his deal? How old is he? Where's he from? What's he do?" You know, he practically got every detail - down to his credit score - on this poor guy!

Here are the results from his interrogation... I mean investigation ;)

The younger guy was actually almost 30 (nearly 10 years older than me), divorced, and he had a little boy.

Yes: a divorced dad hit on me using a note... maybe he was taking tips from his son?

Believe it or not, it gets worse.

Later that night at the concert, my friend asked me if it was him on stage. I told her I really wasn't certain because I hadn't gotten a great look at him earlier; in casually chatting with him, I didn't thoroughly check him out because I never EVER would have imagined an hour later he would give me his number!?!

Well once she pointed him out to me, realizing he had the same build, facial hair and earring he seemed to be the same guy. The only thing that looked different from earlier in the morning was that he was no longer wearing his baseball cap. This, my friends, revealed that he was balding.

So, to sum this up for y'all, I was hit on by a balding, divorced dad via a note. How is that for a confidence booster ;) At the very least, I felt certain it would make an entertaining blog post!
 

Just a Little School Update :)

A new year, a new semester, new opportunities.

I love to learn and I am super excited about my classes. I will likely be sharing fun facts or interesting topics that are brought to my attention in my classes cause they are just that cool, trust me.

So, here is a little school update:

1. The class I am MOST excited about is The History of Fashion and Manners. We will be covering the beginning of man until today - just a little bit intimidating, just a lil bit ;) My teacher, I believe, is a Feminist but she wears fashionable clothes, does her hair and her makeup. It is very encouraging to see someone who looks like me but also THINKS like me too :) Also, we have a guy in the class; he isn't even gay. I look forward to his input and to see if he had a motive involving finding a date when he signed up for this class. Most boys I mention it to are disgusted and would prefer a needle in the eye to this tedious coursework.
2. Another cool class is Gender and Communication. I have taken this before so now I am serving as a Teaching Assistant. My professor is fantastic and a feminist and I am really thankful I have the chance to be around her another semester.
3. I'm also excited about Sociology. It will help me understand all of these social institutions I have realized influence gender identity so much.
4. Human Sexuality will be interesting... to say the least. This is, of course, my class with the most boys in it because that is my luck in life. This is, also, the class where my professor began the first day by discussing a clitoris, masturbation, and the G-spot. Yes, my Southern manners and modesty will influence my participation while in this class - primarily in turning my pale face blood red during a lot of the discussion. However, I think it will be a great challenge for me to be more open with my sexuality and discussion of some of these issues. I have progressed to being able to say "penis" and "vagina" instead of "potty spot" thanks to my previous Women's and Gender classes so I feel confident that new growth awaits me this semester ;)
5. I am also taking Communication Research Methods (not excited but it is required)

So those are the topics I will be exposed to regularly this semester and likely will strongly influence my postings. I hope they'll be just as interesting to you as they are to me...