2013 Resolution: Ending Rape

There have been 2 very disturbing rape stories in the news lately.

1) A gang rape in India
2) The teenage girl in Steubenville

A Gang Rape in India

 This 23 year old woman - The. Same. Age. As. Me. - was gang-raped so severely that she ultimately died.

She had just finished watching a movie and was accompanied by a male friend... something I - and many of my friends - have done countless times, thinking we would be safe.

She, however, was not.

When getting onto a bus (still with her friend) she was gang-raped and beaten (her friend was also beaten) to "teach her a lesson" since her attackers felt she should not have been out with a man at night, even though it was only 9pm.

6 men raped and beat her for hours before dumping her and her friend, naked, on the side of the road.

Horrible.

And they are not the only victims.

• When I heard this story on CNN, they reported that in New Delhi alone, a woman is raped every 18 hours. EVERY 18 HOURS!?!
• Further, "official data show that rape cases have jumped almost 875% over the past 40 years -- from 2,487 in 1971 to 24,206 in 2011." (CNN)
• During protests begun by outraged Indian citizens calling for safety for Indian women since the original rape story, 2 other gang-rape victims have been found: a 10 year old girl who was raped, killed and dumped in a canal and another 14 year old girl who was raped by 4 men. (thestar.com)

This is absolutely disgusting.

Perhaps an even more disgusting story is the case in Steubenville:

The Teenage Girl in Steubenville

If you haven't heard of this case yet, you soon will because the online hacktivist group, Anonymous, has gotten involved making it viral.

Though this is alleged now, it was highly documented with teenagers' use of today's technology via twitter, instagram, etc. in what The New York Times called "a graphic, public diary."

Basically, 2 hometown hero football players paraded around a 16 year old girl to 3 different parties even though she was too drunk to resist or respond.... or even remember much of the evening. She was so drunk that she vomited several times and could not walk. They removed her clothes, touched between her legs, tried to get her to perform oral sex, took pictures and video of her and possibly urinated on her. Other students referenced "Rape Me" by Nirvana and described her as "dead" or "asleep" and other very awful things recorded in a video from someone's phone.

I think the most upsetting thing about this story is how no one interfered on her behalf!?! 

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."

                                                                                         - Edmund Burke

Where were the good men (and women) when this evil was happening?

Oh, don't worry. They were just busy with social media tweeting, texting and instagraming this episode. WHAT???? Did social media suck away their souls, conscience and heart?

I have no idea how they could have not only stood by to watch this but also took time to document it.

Fortunately, technology can be used for good. As I mentioned, Anonymous has gotten involved and they are gathering evidence from the internet to put pressure on the town and the courts to take this case seriously, even if it does involve some of the town's favorite football players. Equally, a Steubenville blogger also has been using technology to try to seek justice in this case; you can follow her continuing coverage here.

How can teenage boys and men do this? What on earth gives them the notion that they have the right to a woman's body like that? To touch and violate and abuse?

How do we stop this??? 

I know this isn't a happy post but rape is not a happy thing. And though these few women have gotten a ton of coverage and support, there are countless more who have been violated but don't have this much coverage or support - and more still who don't have any because they never report their rape.

I struggled with how to end this post. I remembered an essay I read by Andrea Dworkin where she called for One Entire Day Without Rape. I wrote a post about it almost 2 years ago and she wrote the essay in the early '80s. However, rape continues.

Hopefully, for 2013 we in America and India and the whole world over can adopt her resolution for One Entire Day Without Rape. As a baby step at the very least, a beginning, to a world where 16 year old girls and 23 year old women and any woman will be safe.

More information on India: 1, 2, 3, 4.  And on Steubenville: 1, 2.

A Little Ring is a Little Thing... with BIG Social Assumptions: My fake fiance and facebook's reaction

Here it is, the picture that started this:

You see, a little ring is a little thing but it has very big social assumptions. And that bit of bling absolutely BLEW up my facebook, which led to this blogpost.

Last weekend I was with my redneck family in Arkansas and that always makes for fun and interesting times, like this...

So we were at a bar - which probably doesn't surprise you - but it wasn't a redneck, rowdy place like you might picture. We were keepin' it classy at a wine bar called 

And after one too many glasses, my redneck family came up with an idea - aka my fake fiance.

You see, "what had happened was".... quite innocent at first.

My aunt recently had her 25th wedding anniversary and upgraded her engagement ring to this:

2.5 carats of pure sparkly goodness.

Naturally, all the ladies wanted to try it on. But it was kinda like Cinderella and the glass slipper: it didn't fit until...

I tried it on. And, voila, it fit just perfectly. Unfortunately,  unlike Cinderella, I wasn't able to keep it and it didn't come with a prince :/

Not a real one anyways. 

Since the ring fit, my redneck family took a picture. Then, my uncle suggested/peer pressured me to put the picture up on facebook.

My response: "Do you know the uproar that would cause!?!"

BUT THEN... the wheels started turning...

What would happen?

They thought it would be funny.

I thought it would be interesting - just what kinda reaction would I get?

So there began the experiment.

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 Within a minute, I had my first response: "Excuse me what!?!"

And then, the FIRST PERSON to like it - I am not kidding - was my pastor at my homechurch.

He gets on facebook like all of once-a-month. Mind you, my daddy was not on this trip and it was Saturday night. Therefore, the next morning I feared my daddy would hear "congratulations" at church and not have the slightest clue about what I had gotten into... While my relatives thought this was just hilarious, a bit of fear overtook the funniness for me at that point as I was thinking my whole church and then hometown would hear of my "engagement" because news travels fast in small-town-South-Carolina :/

And it seems news travels even faster on facebook.

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Within an hour I had about 25 "likes" and 20 or so comments. When all was said and done, it got up to 35 "likes" and almost 30 comments.


Because of one little ring... and a big social assumption.


Some of my favorite comments were:

"Lucy, you got some 'splainin' to do!!!!!! ;)"

"Danggg somebody put a ring on you haha"

And this one from my uncle who was adding fuel to the facebook fire:

"Sarah, I'm so happy for you two... Congrats!"

People were:

• congratulating me
• offering to plan my wedding
• feeling left out because I had not told them about "the guy" sooner
• a little suspicious/doubtful and wanted some details

Once I got over the itty bitty sting of people's disbelief at my having "found a man", some of my favorites from the suspicious people were:

"gasp! for real? :D Congratulations!"

"whaaat is going on?! obviously we haven't hung out in a long time!"

"omg i almost just fainted."

 And my personal favorite:

"Color me cynical, but I somehow don't believe this fish decided it needs a bicycle yet."

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But, I myself was shocked that everyone fell for the photo. 

So many of my friends accepted one facebook photo as truth. 

One minute's worth of minimal facebook stalking would uncover that:

1. I was not even listed as "in a relationship" much less "engaged to" anyone
2. I didn't have oodles of couple pictures for my profile picture... not even one
3. My other photos didn't document me with the same guy over and over... I guess my friends thought I fell in love-at-first-sight instead of dating someone for an extended amount of time???
4. And then there was this, a picture posted shortly after the ring pic... I'm nowhere near a man, and there isn't one my age in the picture. NOTE for friends/facebook stalkers in the future: I will show off the man more than the ring ;)

I guess my friends are just not as adept at facebook stalking as I thought they would be...? 

Anyways, the next morning I came clean and commented on the picture, admitting that it was not announcing a new engagement:

"Hahahaha! Thanks for all the comments; didnt mean to make yall feel outta the loop.

"But what happens in Arkansas stays in Arkansas ;) JUST KIDDING!!!

"I did not get engaged but I did just do a lil experiment. Blogpost coming soon - and hopefully a 2.5 carat ring like that too ;)"

But that has not been the end of it.

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I cannot tell you the amount of people who have asked me or my close friends "Is there something you forgot to tell me?" or "Is Sarah really engaged?"

And it wasn't just my friends or facebook friends.

No. That one picture - that social assumption - that facebook fire - spread to co-workers, former professors, old Sunday school teachers, distant relatives, loose acquaintances.... even this random encounter:

I was at home for a few days over spring break and in a local store. I saw a lady staring  me down as I passed her in the aisle and when she followed me into the next aisle, she asked: "You're that girl from facebook, the one with the ring picture, right?"

No lie.

Blushing a bit, I owned up to it and said, "Yep, that's me." Turns out she is my facebook friend but I cannot even remember why; she owns another store in town and I think I liked her facebook page to try and win a giveaway or something like that. I definitely do not know her well at all. BUT that bling was bright enough to catch her eye and even she took note of it long enough to recognize me days later in passing. Wow.

One. Little. Ring.

Who knew it could make that big of an impact.

They always say a picture is worth a thousand words... but they never said if those words were fact or fiction ;)

They also say, never to assume because when you do, you make an a$$ out of me and you.

Seems that is quite the case. My facebook friends fell for my photo of a fake engagement but now I'm pretty sure I'm going to deal with explaining it for quite some time ;)