My New Crush

I have a new crush.

I just met him last night.

He is passionate, intelligent, and great with words.

A friend of mine introduced us... via YouTube. ;)

Ok, so I'm not holding my breath for a date with him any time soon but a girl can dream, right? ;) 

Y'all can meet him too... and fall in love with his poems (inspiring, energizing slam poetry style... not sappy stuff) because he is that great. Seriously, I hope y'all check him out.

His name is Rafael Casal and he is a def poet. 

The first video of his that I ever watched (thanks Lindsey!) is called Barbie and Ken 101. It has to do with media's misrepresentation of women which has been my interest lately with my Capstone focus. It is so great to hear a guy speak out against this :)

This one is called My Miller Chill and it is also about marketing. He has some really great lines by the end so watch it all the way through...

This one is my FAVORITE!!! It is called A.D.D. and seems a bit random at first but ties in. There are some crazy statistics and an incredibly wonderful final line.

And if you haven't been bitten by the lovebug yet after watching his fantastic videos, that is fine by me... I'll have less competition for that first date of ours...  ;)

STUDY BREAK: My 3 New Favorite YouTube Videos :)

• I have 3 papers due within the next 2 days. 

• I have spent 7 HOURS in the library... today alone 

• Tonight might be the first time I have pulled an all-nighter in college

So, obviously, I had to take a couple YouTube breaks; here is what I found: 

1. This one, I promise, was related to school; I was doing research for my paper on Gender and the Media. This video replaced my previous favorite by Dove. It seriously is FABULOUS!!! And it is under 90 seconds so your study break can be quick too ;)
2. This one is unrelated to school BUT full of very interesting facts so you can still learn something ;)
3. At this point, I have no excuse. This one is just preciously awkward and a good mental break! Plus it has stupendous quotes... get excited!!! 

I hope school is not overwhelming you and that if it is, this provided a good study break for you :)

Love Your Body - yesteday, today, EVERY day

Too fat. Too flabby. Too short. Too tall. Small boobs. Big belly. Pimply. Hairy. Flat butt. Fat butt. UGLY.


This is no dark Dr. Seuss tale of One Girl, Two Girl, Ugly Girl, Pretty Girl.

For many of us, it is a daily dialogue with ourselves. Because we don't feel good enough.

We NEVER feel good enough.

Why is that?

There are a host of reasons but I believe the media is a huge culprit.

Take this short quiz (only 10 questions) to see if you agree. If you don't agree as of now, I feel like you will by the end of the quiz. Seriously, take it.

How did you do?

I'm embarrassed to say I didn't make a 100% (I missed 2) since I have been focused on this topic all semester for my WGS Capstone class. I chose this topic because, though I haven't suffered from an eating disorder myself, I have lived with and talked with several friends who have.

In an attempt to combat the issue of self-hatred (like the list above) and eating disorders, I embraced as my activism and educational project the Love Your Body Campaign.

Yesterday, October 20th, was the National Organization for Women's Love Your Body Day.

I made flyers and, with the help of CofC's NOW and Peer Counselors, handed out candy and zines. I also created complement cards to spread the love and encourage self-acceptance; They said things like "You look lovely today," "You are funny," and "You are very intelligent."

The most fun aspect of bringing the Love Your Body campaign to campus was having people create their own "Love Labels." I simply bought a bunch of blank labels and pretty colored pens and had people write "I love my body" or whatever else they'd like to put. Make your own!!!

Some of the Love Labels included:

• I love ALL of me
• I love how short I am 
• I love my butt
• I love my legs
• I love my boobs
• I love my smile (from a girl with braces... how fantastic!)
• I love my beard
• I love my whole body

It was great fun but, I must admit that much of my campaign boiled down to my presentation on media literacy. 

I included my own slides (which will likely show up in subsequent blogposts) but my presentation centered around NOW's Love Your Body Campaign official powerpoint. It was so fabulous that I honestly didn't feel I could create one any better.

So, obviously, I think y'all should check it out. Seriously. Don't be intimidated by the number of slides; it is a lot of images so it doesn't take long.

K, really. Did you view it? I. HOPE. SO.

And if you are now thoroughly pissed off, as I suspect you are, check out these 20 Ways to Be a Media Activist.

But most of all, realize that the media just wants your money.

The way they get that is by using a simple formula:

Step 1: The media creates unattainable, "perfect" images of so-called-beauty

Step 2: We end up feeling not good enough

Step 3: We are eager to buy their products that supposedly provide that "perfect" beauty

Step 4: We give them our money but their products never allow us to reach their false image of "perfect beauty"

Step 5: Repeat the vicious cycle. And feel like crap. 

This leads to self-hatred talk:
Too fat. Too flabby. Too short. Too tall. Small boobs. Big belly. Pimply. Hairy. Flat butt. Fat butt. UGLY.

Don't let it.

Fight back.


LOVE. YOUR. BODY. (Here are 7 Ways to do so right now).

And not just on Love Your Body Day but EVERY day.

Embrace YOUR own, one-of-a-kind, absolutely stunning body and beauty. 

The Voice You Hear When You Read Silently - an awesome poem

The Voice You Hear When You Read Silently

- Thomas Lux

is not silent, it is a speaking-
out-loud voice in your head: is it spoken,
a voice is saying it
as you read. It's the writer's words,
of course, in a literary sense
his or her voice, but the sound
of that voice is the sound of your voice.
Not the sound your friends know
or the sound of a tape played back
but your voice
caught in the dark cathedral
of your skull, your voice heard
by an internal ear informed by internal abstracts
and what you know by feeling,
having felt. It is your voice
saying, for example, the word barn
that the writer wrote
but the barn you say
is a barn you know or knew. The voice
in your head, speaking as you read,
never says anything neutrally — some people
hated the barn they knew,
some people love the barn they know
so you hear the word loaded
and a sensory constellation
is lit: horse-gnawed stalls,
hayloft, black heat tape wrapping
a water pipe, a slippery
spilled chirr of oats from a split sack,
the bony, filthy haunches of cows. . . .
And barn is only a noun — no verb
or subject has entered into the sentence yet!
The voice you hear when you read to yourself
is the clearest voice: you speak it
speaking to you.

How do you spend your seconds?

When our life is out of balance, disaster is just around the corner. - Mary Southerland

I feel like my life has been a spinning top, turning round and round, wobbling out of control.

Someone lied to me: They told me senior year was going to be easy. 

WRONG. I have had obligation after obligation after stress after stress after stress... 

spinning and spinning

Whether you are in your senior year of college or not, I'm sure you, at least occasionally, can relate.

We all have what seem to be never-ending tasks that take up our time: meetings, laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc.

The perpetual to-do list.

When was the last time you stopped, got off the merry-go-round and out of the fast lane to take a long, hard look at your life? - Mary Southerland

We are all so rushed: Running from class to meeting to event to the library to work to work out, etc.

spinning and spinning

Even fun things fill up our time: coffee dates, walk and talks, dinners, movies, games, plays, etc.

spinning and spinning

Every morning we are credited with 86,400 seconds. No balance is carried into the next day and every night erases what we fail to use. - Mary Southerland 

We don't get to rewind and re-do our days. Life is not like Groundhog Day.

Each day is what we make of it. Or don't make of it.

Are you intentional in how you spend the seconds of your day? It seems a little silly to worry about seconds but seconds become minutes which become hours which become days and months and years.

Time WILL fly by, if we let it.

Take, for example, Facebook. Hello. I hate how seconds become minutes or an hour whenever I log in. I would much prefer spending that time with my friends face-to-face or perhaps should spend that time working on homework or grad-school applications.

Really though, how do you spend the seconds of your day?

Is it time well spent?

Learn to invest your time instead of just spending it or allowing others to steal it - Mary Southerland

My brother recently shared a story that illustrated this perfectly:

I called him on my way to take an exam, just to leave a voicemail explaining that I would call him later, as I expected at that time that he was in class.

I was surprised to hear him answer: "Hello," he said.

"Hey," I responded, "I thought you were in class. What are you up to?"

No lie; the next words to come out of his mouth were "promise you won't tell mom?"

Now, I should clarify, my brother is not the type to find himself in trouble or in jail or any of the other awful options that immediately played through my mind BUT I was expecting something pretty rough as I answered: "I promise."

"I'm in Nashville, Tennessee," he declared.

Seemingly benign unless you know, as I did, that he was supposed to be in class on the campus of Clemson University, 5 hours away.

At this point, all of my last minute reviewing for my test was useless as my notes were now the last thing on my mind! 

He went on to explain that he drove there with a few friends, leaving spontaneously at 1:00 am so that they could visit the home of one of his friends who was soon to depart for an indefinite mission trip overseas.

Though completely out of character for him to take off on such an unplanned, ill-timed adventure, he reasoned it as follows:

"How many classes have I missed?" - none

"Will I really remember sitting in this class years from now?" - no

"Will I be able to get notes and make up what I miss in class?" - yes

"Will I get this chance again or be able to make up this trip to Nashville?" - no, never

"Will I ever see my friend again?" - maybe, though, probably not

"What would I enjoy more?" - seeing my friend and visiting a new city

"What is more important?" - taking this opportunity, investing this time

So he took off to Tennessee and didn't waste away his time or let the stress of school steal away his seconds. [Disclaimer: I don't' condone skipping classes ;) This, however, was too good and rare of an opportunity to pass up]

Have you let any good or rare opportunities pass you by?

Are your seconds just spinning and spinning away?

Don't let them.

Invest. Your. Seconds.

Doubting Thomas Got a Bad Rap

Doubting Thomas got a bad rap: the one who didn't immediately believe; the one who questioned.

He had one weak moment: ²⁵So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!" But he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it." (John 20:25).

Recently, I really related to Thomas. I was doubting.

Have you ever wanted proof? Evidence? A visible sign?

I know I was really craving it. I needed to see the nail marks.

Fortunately, they appeared.

Friend after friend shared with me precisely what I needed to hear. Devotions spoke directly to my situation. My pastor's sermon seemed as though it had to have been written specifically for me and my doubt. Mentors linked me to unbelievably appropriate sites or documents that answered my questions; One guy even sent me a document defending Paul written by a female Baptist preacher who is also a professor and a feminist!?!

Yes, I was seeing the nail marks. My doubts were fading. My faith was strengthening.


That is why I could connect with the story of Thomas.

Doubting Thomas got a bad rap.

It has been cemented into society's mind through the stereotype of a "doubting Thomas" and through art, even through music.

One of my favorite songs is called "Doubting Thomas" by Nickel Creek.

The lyrics are so great and, with my recent struggles in Women and Religion, one line especially resonated with me:

Can I be used to help others find truth, (particularly leading a Bible study!)
When I'm scared I'll find proof that its a lie

This was precisely my concern: I was afraid that I would learn my way out of my religion. 

But, the opposite has happened.

Just. Like. Thomas.

²⁶A week later his [Jesus'] disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" ²⁷Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe."

 ²⁸Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!" (John 20:26-28)

 According to Dr. Ralph Wilson, "Thomas, 'Doubting Thomas,' as he is sometimes called, is the first disciple to put into words the truth that Jesus is both Lord and God. 

"'Doubting Thomas' utters the greatest confession of faith recorded anywhere in the Bible." 

How awesome and encouraging is that?

Again, Doubting Thomas got a bad rap.

Something else I find encouraging is NOT written in the Bible. Yep. It isn't written in there.

But society has written it in there - An extra verse that doesn't actually exist.

If you look at the art and talk to people (believers and nonbelievers) they will likely tell you that Thomas touched the nail marks.

That, however, is NOT written in the Bible.

The Bible goes straight from verse 27 where Jesus tells Thomas to "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe" into verse 28 where Thomas declares his belief: "My Lord and my God!"

No verse 27.5 exists saying that Thomas touched the nail marks.

Maybe he did, maybe he didn't.

Either way, we cannot. I cannot.

As a result, I choose to believe that Thomas did not. Then, just like him, we can sense the presence of Jesus moving among us and then proclaim our faith... even if we can't reach out and touch the nail marks.

Verse 29 further clarifies that faith is possible without having the exact proof or evidence or nail marks to touch: ²⁹Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."(John 20:29)

That is how Jesus ends it: he acknowledges that Thomas has believed.

Why don't we acknowledge that?

Doubting Thomas got a bad rap. 

We should look up to him - especially in our time of doubting and questioning - as the one who strengthened his faith and became Believing Thomas.

On My Knees

It isn't for the moment you are struck that you need courage but for the long uphill climb back to sanity and faith and security.

                                                                      - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

I was feeling slightly insane, wavering in my faith, and insecure.

The moment those feelings were "struck" into me came as I began my senior year with a Women and Religion class. This class is full of women (and a few men) who are very intelligent and different from me.

Usually, I find this environment refreshing.

Not this time.

This time it was personal. This time it was draining: mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

This time it was frightening. Because this time it was messing with my faith. 

I have been learning about pre-history and the religions before Christianity. I have been taught to question all truth, even whether there is any truth. I have been surrounded by those who call their gods "She." I have listened to people bash my religion and point out nothing positive, simply flaw. After flaw. After flaw.

The scary part was I understood - and agreed with - some of their points. I trust in my teacher's knowledge. I have studied and read her textbooks about goddesses.

I have questioned my faith, my God, my role as a Bible study leader.

And worst of all, I told NO ONE.

I didn't want to burden them with a problem I couldn't solve. I didn't want them to have the same struggle if I couldn't help them out of it. I feared their judgment for my wavering faith. So I kept these thoughts to myself.

 ___________________________________________________________________

Until this weekend. And that is when I began my hopefully not too "long uphill climb."

This weekend was the Charleston Baptist Collegiate Ministry Fall Retreat. I went knowing I needed to go but not knowing how much it would affect me.

Before I give you the detail of when I hit my lowest low, here is some background information:

• My homechurch is over 200 years old filled with several traditional people, many of whom are old, all of whom are subdued in their worship style: aka if anyone says "Amen" in the middle of the sermon, we all turn his or her way and glare as if to suggest they should lay off the coffee next Sunday. It is just too much. We're quiet and keep things simple, assuming that showy worship of waving your hands around and shouting is insincere. 

• Well, upon getting to know other believers in college and how they worshiped, I realized one can be showy and sincere in praising God. In fact, it was an encouragement for me to see them raise their hands. When I finally worked up the guts and sincere desire to attempt this on my own, I was nearly sweating and my heart was beating fast but once I got past my nerves, I realized it heightened my own worship. So now, as I feel moved, I will raise my hands.
• Also, I have been trying to figure out how to make prayer a conversation: not just me rambling but also listening for God. My favorite description for his response is a still, small voice putting a crystal clear thought into your mind that was not yours, but simply was placed on your heart out of nowhere. I agree with that.

So, back to the BCM retreat.

We had wonderfully powerful music, enhanced especially by all of the Citadel cadets with their deep voices and clapping as we sang along. One song we sang was Indescribable with a lyric that says "Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim/ You are amazing God."

I had a still, small voice whisper: "That would be cool. I think I'd like to do that; it might elevate my worship like when I started raising my hands."

Enter my active thoughts: "Yes, that could be cool BUT certainly not here. Too many people. I mean I don't want to be all trying too hard or distracting people. Yea, maybe... someday..."

Without a second thought, I continued singing songs until  a few things formed the final cracks in my emotional dam: hearing our leader use words like "battle" and reading through the Lord's prayer about "Lead us not into temptation/ But deliver us from evil," etc.

My emotional dam broke. Warm tears poured from my eyes.

I don't usually cry. I quickly tried to regain my composure but it was melting away like much of my mascara. 

I walked to the front of the room where our Prayer Team leader was sitting in a chair. I don't know why but she pulled me to the ground. At that moment, I was at my lowest point, physically and emotionally and spiritually.

 ___________________________________________________________________

We sat on our knees as she hugged me and prayed for me and read me a few perfectly relevant pieces of scripture.I admitted my fears and my doubts and I let my tears flow.

Once I regained composure I stood to leave but before I could get to the end of the front row, another lady reached for me which I was totally not expecting but graciously welcomed. She hugged me and began praying for me.

However, the way that she grabbed me brought my upper body in for a hug but left my butt awkwardly in the air so, without realizing it, to fix this...

I fell to my knees. 

It wasn't until later after she finished praying for me and I had returned to my seat that I put all of this together. I never had the intention to do any of that, nor did I even want to. But at that point, not even an hour after I had heard that whispered thought, I had fallen to my knees not once but twice, humbled before the Lord in prayer and worship. 

I was like, "Ok, God. I got it. You're there. To me, you are truth and you are real and you are worthy of praise."

Better yet, we sang You Alone Can Rescue with the perfect lyrics for my situation. 

 ___________________________________________________________________

As I begin this "uphill climb" I realize that I don't have all of the answers yet and I am certain all of my doubts are not disappearing any time soon, but I am also certain of my faith.

If I had all the answers it would be called FACT, not FAITH.

But I do feel certain that with God, the acceptance and support and prayer from fellow believers, and with patience I will one day make it back to the top of the hill, "back to sanity and faith and security."