Lovebug Lesson: an oldie but a goodie

So, yet another week of being slammed with school is drawing to a close. It prevented me from writing a new post but tonight as I reviewed my old assignments in an attempt to compile a portfolio for an interview tomorrow, I came across this piece I wrote last year.

Sorry to again cop out with using school stuff on here but if I have not already made it clear, I am a bit of a nerd so my school tends to seep into other areas of my life ;) Having said that, this article is hardly dry, academic material...

And sadly, still single over a year later, the lesson I learned is still relevant in my life. Hopefully y'all will find it relevant too:

Lovebug Lesson

Newly single and past the crying phase I was trying to bolster myself back up again listening to strong, female rockers screaming about how they did not need a man and are better off without him, etc., etc., etc. Just as soon as Kelly Clarkson finished the last lines of “Walk Away,” I went to answer my dog’s scratch at the door, signaling he wanted back inside. As he came prancing in, a barrage of lovebugs flew right in with him in an ironic, cruel, and unusual visual of what I had just lost and what I wanted most at that very moment: love.

A bunch of dumb bugs. Their little black and red bodies attached to their mates fluttered all around me. Lost in the cloud of coupled bugs, I swished and swatted until I had chased them all back outside. Nonetheless, I could not swat away what they had reminded me of which, being the dire, hopeless romantic that I am, was all I had ever wanted. However, just as quickly as this little insect army of amore flew in, so did the realization that I was looking for love from the wrong place: boys.

I had found love from boys at an early age. My first boyfriend ever came before I was even a teenager. He left me when a new, prettier girl joined us on our school bus the beginning of my eighth grade year. Crushed, I moved on into high school where half of my identity through those high school years was found in that of my other half – my high school sweetheart. Ever so appropriate for a hopeless romantic, and having dated him for over four years, four of my most influential, coming-of-age years, he truly had completed me in a sense. His love for me gave me confidence, fulfillment, and happiness – or so I thought. Then, all of this love boiled down to sex or lack thereof so he left me. Boys, just about as dumb as those lovebugs sometimes.

They can also be just as pesky and unavoidable as well. In the months after my breakup with my high school sweetheart, now in college I was surrounded by a barrage of new boys who, unfortunately, like the lovebugs that day I let my dog in, just flew right past me, un-phased entirely. I was desperately trying to catch one feeling incomplete without someone to love me.

Crushes came and went but, on the whole, I was unsuccessful. No one seemed to be crushing me back. With my first year of college ending and heading back home for the summer, I had begrudgingly resolved to be single. It was then that a boy unexpectedly flew into my life. We had quite a glorious, whirlwind romance consisting of an array of exciting, adventuresome dates complete with fireworks and shooting stars; I am not even kidding. Despite this seemingly dream come true for my hopeless romantic self, as sophomore year approached he would be heading off to college in North Carolina while I would remain in South Carolina for school so I was content to leave our relationship as a summer fling. However, like those lovebugs, he was pesky and persistent. As a result, despite my inhibitions and after warning him of the difficulties of long distance on any relationship, particularly our budding one that lacked a strong foundation, I agreed to be his girlfriend – ever eager for love.

Big mistake. Not even one month into school, he wanted a break. This in turn, broke my heart. Out of nowhere, he had moved on and left me lonely, unloved, and with an aching heart. All of my worries and fears at the summer’s end were staring me dead in the face. So, I cried my tears and took down our couple picture and proceeded to the aforementioned female rockers with the empowering break-up songs. Then came the lovebugs and their unexpected lesson.

Now, by the inclination those insects led me to, I have realized that I have to heal my heart and make it whole by loving me all by myself. Once I can do that, just like those rocker chicks rave about, I will not need a man. Although, once I reach that point, I’ll be ready for one and hopefully then the boys will be just like those lovebugs in that I will attract so many, I will have to swat to keep them all away.