Small Parking Lots and Actually Loving Your Neighbor...

In August, I am moving to Nashville and I'm already looking for a church to join.

The following paragraph radically altered my search: 

"Ask yourself: What is my parish? Historically, churches have had vested interest in their surrounding communities. And members often lived within walking distance of the church (explaining small parking lots). Pastors lived in the parsonages attached to or near the churches, and the churches had vital roles in the life of their communities. As a society, when we became commuterized churchgoers, all that changed. Most churches have lost their community roots, with little connection to the geography surrounding their buildings." (1)

And, I would add that larger, commuterized churchogers have a great chance for lost connection to the people in the building as well as the surrounding buildings.

Hear me out.

I love my church where my pastor and many other attendees know my name, maybe even some of my story. I don't feel like just a face in the crowd. And I aim to be involved: attending on Sunday, doing service projects, belonging to a smaller community group that meets outside of church. 

BUT what if I didn't live 20-30 minutes away from my churchgoers but lived and went to church with my neighbors.

In my Nashville church search, I had fallen in love with this big church that will be about 30 minutes away from where I hope to live. I no longer plan to go there. I want to find one much closer because...

What if I saw my pastor and other churchgoers in my local grocery store, at the corner gas station, went for walks with them on weekday mornings? What if knowing a mom in my community group was sick, instead of sending a little prayer via text, I lived close enough to stop by and watch her kids while she took a nap? Or what if knowing I was stressed out of my mind during grad school midterms, a family in my church made me dinner and invited me down the street to save me from cooking and cleaning for an evening?

Maybe, like me, you are already settled into a church and have roots there. What then?

How about we live this out:

³⁶ “Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?” ³⁷ Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ ³⁸ This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ⁴⁰ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”    

                                                                              - Matthew 22:36-40 (NLT)

I'm ashamed to say that I do not even know my current neighbor's name. What if I did? What if we hung out, shared meals, spent time in each others homes? Went to church together?

Not only should we live out loving one another in our churches better as we see in 1 John:

¹¹ This is the message you have heard from the beginning: We should love one another...¹⁴ If we love our Christian brothers and sisters, it proves that we have passed from death to life. But a person who has no love is still dead...¹⁸ Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.

                                                                            - 1 John 3:11,14,18 (NLT)


We should also love those in the homes around our homes AND the homes around our churches who don't know Jesus. 

Ask yourself:  "What is my parish?"
Love. Your. Neighbor.
Believers and unbelievers.




(1) = p 170 of Toxic Charity: How Churches and Charities Hurt Those They Help (And how to reverse it) by Robert D. Lupton

You're More Beautiful Than You Think

You're More Beautiful Than You Think.

I'd be willing to bet on it.

As women especially, we are ridiculously hard on ourselves.

It has never been more apparent than in this recent experiment by Dove:

These women so misrepresented themselves. The sketch of what others saw was so much more grace-giving than the ones where they described how they perceived themselves to be.

We see - and focus on - flaws rather than our stronger features.

I do it too. 

I recently had a horrible breakout AND an even worse haircut that looked like a mix between Cindy Lou Who from the Grinch and a 1960s bouffant hairstyle. There was an increase in self-hate talk and a decrease in confidence. 

Thank God those are two very temporary situations. 

Skin clears and hair grows back. 

But, sadly, body image issues remain.

I recently saw this article that summarizes 9 things we should know about body-image issues: 

1. Was the video from above; here is a still-shot the article showed: 
   

2. 5'3" and 166.2 pounds: average height and weight for American women. 5'10" and 120 pounds: average for fashion models
3. Age 6: when girls start to express concerns about their own weight or shape. 40-60% of elementary girls: amount who are concerned about their weight or about becoming too fat. (AGE 6!?! No wonder this is a pervasive problem for women... we are conditioned to be concerned about our image by the time we begin elementary school.)
4. 12-13 years old: the median ages for onset of an eating disorder in adolescents. 20 million: U.S. women who suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder at some time in their life.
5.  4%: amount of women globally who consider themselves beautiful.
6. 2/3 of women globally: the amount who strongly agree that "the media and advertising set an unrealistic standard of beauty that most women can't ever achieve"
7. Researchers have found that "fat talk"—a phenomena in which a person makes negative claims about their weight to others—is an expected norm among women and a way for them to appear more modest.
8. A study published in the Journal of Eating Disorders found that while "fat talk" tended to decrease with age, "old talk" often came in to replace it, and that both were reported by women who appeared to have a negative body image
9. The only complete way to overcome the problem is to have our beliefs about body image transformed by the Holy Spirit. As Heather Davis says in the Journal of Biblical Counseling:

In pursuing worldly beauty, we strive to become this elusive image in place of who we really are. You and I are created in the image of the living God. Our purpose is to reflect His image to the world. But since the fall, we let the world inscribe its image on us. It is the very picture of sin and ultimately death. Instead of being transformed to God's image, we conform to the world's image...

God makes you beautiful with the beauty of His Son, Jesus. It is in gazing at God's image in Jesus Christ that you are transformed. Romans 12:1-2 says, "Therefore, I urge you, (sisters) in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

And, said in a different way, this is one of my all-time favorite slam poems, "You are Beautiful" by Mike Young. It is SO worth a listen! 

Some of my favorite lines of his are... 

• Saying that you're nothing does not honor me
• Humility isn't thinking less of you, it's thinking of you less
• This reality: you look just like your Daddy
• [who thinks you're beautiful?] "I do" proclaims the voice that spoke the skies 
• You are beautiful because of what I say... - God

Genesis 1:27 says: 

So God created human beings in his own image.
    In the image of God he created them;
    male and female he created them.

We look just like our daddy. 

As Mike Young says, the voice that spoke the skies spoke our name and when He did, He had glory on his lips. 

We are beautifully and wonderfully made in the image of the creator of the entire world. 

He does not make mistakes and He made us exactly as we are... it is a slap in His face when we insult our image or anyone else since we all represent Him. 

I hope you can live out the Romans verses above. Break you mind from distorting your image from anything but beautiful.

As the Dove campaign put it, "You're More Beautiful Than You Think."

Divine Demolition & Inspiration: Sandy Disaster Relief Trip

Most of us have heard of Hurricane Sandy. NOAA  put out before and after shots showing the destruction caused by the storm. 

I had the opportunity to see some of this destruction up close last week when I, along with 170 other volunteers from Baptist Collegiate Ministry groups from across SC served on a disaster relief mission trip with the Southern Baptist Disaster Relief team.


We filled 3 charter buses with students exhausted from final exams and settled in for a 13 hour drive from Columbia, SC to Staten Island, NY.

Why do this when they could have been going home to sleep, watch Christmas movies and hang with family and friends? 

Because Jesus said, "Love your neighbor as yourself." - Mark 12:31.

If Hurricane Sandy had hit SC instead of NY, I know all 170 of us would have been incredibly grateful if the students of NY drove down to love us through disaster relief.

Supposedly Forgotten

Staten Island, we were told is often called "The Forgotten Borough" of New York.

But, even if the world overlooks it, we knew that the Lord does not.

Because Jesus said, " I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep" - John 10:14.

He knows his sheep, whether they live in Staten Island, South Carolina or Syria. Anywhere. Everywhere.

So we set out to serve his sheep of Staten Island ;)

Each morning we would wake up, get breakfast and load up our buses to depart to our work-sites where, even 40 days after the storm hit, there was still lots of mud-out and demolition left to do. We would work until about 4 or 4:30 and then head back to our "Volunteer Village" - tents to sleep in, trailer showers and porta-pottys.

 Sweet Women & Work

I had the wonderful blessing to work at the homes of two sweet ladies -  Ms. Ginny's home on the first day and Ms. Mary's for the final 3. We pulled out pipes and bathtubs, tore up floors with crowbars and shovels, ripped out insulation, picked up trash, did yard work, power washed, and sprayed for mold.

It was cold and rainy and sweaty and dirty and exhausting... and WONDERFUL.

Because the Bible says, "Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically." - Romans 12:11

People, even me, often say we should "be the hands and feet of Jesus."

I have never had an opportunity to do that in such a tangible, visible way.

We literally used our hands and feet and broke some fingernails and acquired some bruises to serve those sweet ladies by getting their homes cleaned out and ready to be rebuilt. Why?

Because the Bible says, " Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress." - James 1:27

Ms. Ginny had moved into that home to care for her parents who have since passed away and Ms. Mary's husband has passed away as well. Orphan and widow. In distress.

Though these women were certainly in distress having had much of their homes ruined and many of their things destroyed, they were strong, positive, inspiring ladies.

Beautiful Spirit & Perspective

Both of these women were a joy to be around and so kind to us. That really says something. At one of the toughest times in their lives when they are trying to salvage and rebuild after Sandy, they were others-focused.

My favorite memory of Ms. Ginny was her efforts to help us. Instead of sitting and watching us work, she jumped in there and ended up schooling all of us even though she is over twice our age. We were using crowbars and hammers to pry up the wet, molded plywood above the sub-floor and it was not easy work.

While my team of 9 students and I were plugging along and making decent time, Ms. Ginny jumped in with a crowbar to help and within about 5 minutes, she had ripped up about half the floor!?! She was so strong and motivated and impressive.

She clearly has a fighting spirit determined to move forward and recover quickly.

I spent more time with Ms. Mary so it is hard to pick just one favorite memory...

• She had a great sense of humor and was always making us laugh, like when she charged us to use her bathroom... with a hug, every time :) 
• She would come and sit with us during lunch to tell stories and get to know us
• The last morning she surprised us with hot chocolate and donuts waiting for us

Though I was already impressed with her ability to laugh in the midst of what she is going through, I would have to say that hands down, my most favorite memory of her (and possibly the whole trip) was this:

We gathered each morning to pray on site before beginning our work and one morning Ms. Mary was outside so we invited her to join us. It was the day after the Connecticut school shooting.

When we asked her if she had any prayer requests, I fully expected her to ask for herself about her health or her home or her family. Instead she said this which was so moving and true:

"I'd like you to pray for the families in Connecticut. All this that I've lost here is just stuff. But they lost their children and I bet any of those mothers would give away every single thing they owned just to have their kid back."

 Perspective. It is a powerful thing.

Ms. Mary has a great perspective.

A Different Way to Worship

Another perspective I gained while on this trip was a different way to worship. 

One of the days we were gone was a Sunday but we did not go to church. 

We went to our work-sites and I posted this picture and this caption on facebook: 

On this Sunday, we worship not in khaki pants or singing from hymnals but by pulling up floors and working in the cold, rainy weather of NY. I mean Jesus was a carpenter ;) Here is to worshiping a little bit differently sometimes!

The whole trip was a way to worship differently. 

While you and most of the world have never head of these two, single women living in the Forgotten Borough of Staten Island, the Lord knows them well and wants them cared for.

Because Jesus says, "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders" - Luke 15: 4-5


In addition to caring for the over-looked and worshiping through divine demolition, on a light-hearted note, here is what we also learned

1. The southern stereotype that northerners are not hospitable is simply false: they were so friendly and grateful, often stopping their cars in the street to say hi and thank you.
2. The warning we've heard since childhood that we should never take food from strangers apparently does not apply during disaster relief! More than once, kind people saw that we were volunteers and they offered us free sandwiches, juice, chips, etc. We never hesitated to take them or enjoy them.
3. One can do hard physical labor but still look good while doing it ;) For example, I may have broken several nails but they were painted red underneath my work gloves. In addition, while I had to borrow my brother's camo hunting jacket because it was insulated and could get dirty, I accessorized with my bright pink scarf ;) Truly a Southern Belle Feminist moment!!!