Perks of Having a Penis: You get to keep your name

Upon returning to school after Christmas break, I discovered several of my friends had become engaged. It got me thinking "Will I take my husband's name?"

As a child, I always planned to - cause I never knew anything different.

In high school, of course I did (!) - because that is what you did: doodle your name with the last name of every crush you had. In high school, I not only doodled the name but planned the wedding to my high school sweetheart.

Oh yea, I failed to mention, he became engaged over break as well; weird. Now, I can rest assured I will never take his last name.

But will I take the name of the guy I do end up marrying?

Why does anyone take a husband's last name?

I recently read an article by Lynn Harris called "Mrs. Feminist." According to Harris, 90% of women take their husband's name, though this was lower in the 1980s after the second wave of the feminist movement.

So why do women take a husband's name? Not because they are conservative, Patriarchal-obeying, oblivious idiots. I can assure you.

Some reasons listed in the article included: their husband's last name simply sounded better than theirs, they wanted to, it would be easier for the kids, it was the norm, it promoted more of a family feeling.

Similarly, women who chose to keept their names were not all doing it as a political act. Some simply liked theirs better or feared an identity crisis or were known publicly by their maiden name.

Just for clarification, if you think about it, your maiden name is really a man's name anyways. If by not taking your husband's name you think it will spare you the title of a man's possession or it will prevent the loss of your personal feminine identity, I hate to break it to you but your maiden name technically represents you as belonging to your father.

BUT, this was not always the case.

Up until the middle ages when women began to lose their rights to own property, gentry had trumped gender as Harris points out. A.K.A. if your mom had more money or fame or property than your dad, the maternal line would be the family name and it was given to the children. But, soon the paternal line began to dominate regardless, once the courts created the idea of "coverture" (a male and female become one entity in the eyes of the law - that entity is male and he has all rights of the property, children, and wife).

The first women believed to have bucked that system was Lucy Stone in 1879 when she tried to keep her own name. According to Harris, when she went before the courts claiming that there was no law requiring her to take her husband's name, they drafted one.

Harris also points out that until the 1970s, US laws required women to take their husband's name in order to vote or get a driver's license!?!

But, not all women - myself included - view taking your husband's name as a bad thing. It is not necessarily losing your identity and becoming a "Mr. Him" as Lynn calls it, but instead it can be positive:

"for some women now, it's an assumption, rather than a loss, of power -- shared power. 'Instead of feeling like I 'belong' to my husband now that I have his last name, I feel like we are on equal footing,' says Amy Owings, 34, a executive assistant in Overland Park, Kan. 'We are both Owings, so now I claim him as much as he claims me.'"

But, basically, I believe it boils down to a choice. Harris shares this in her article:

"And the Lucy Stone League, an organization dedicated to fostering equality in United States naming practices, has a point when it says: 'Until naming practices are equal, women will not be considered equal to men in the U.S.'"

Is this true?

Would your future husband ever consider taking your name?

Are you considering not taking his?

Will you after reading this?

Special K Craziness

Let me start by saying that I have a box of Special K in my kitchen right now and I am not hating on their product. Vanilla Almond is delicious.

BUT, their messages are disgusting. I just saw the Christmas one where the mom is doing a craft with her daughter; the phone rings and she stands up with the kiddie chair stuck to her behind. Cute, yes, at first.

However, when you really think about it, what kind of message are they sending? This woman is HARDLY overweight. She looks perfectly fit and healthy but the viewer is supposed to think she is in need of losing weight!?!

What about a woman who is really overweight? Why not show a woman who looks like she might actually need to lose weight?

HOWEVER, I want to repeat my initial statement when I started this post. Kellogs Special K is not awful in taste or intention. In researching this post, I came across a great article of some very positive ads for women. Sadly, I haven't seen any in everyday life, magazines or on tv. The website lists that ad campaign from 1996.

Kellogs, I hope you return to that more positive message. Let's have some more of those become the norm... I agree with your tagline from back then: A Healthy Body Weight Looks Good on Everyone.

Well, your newest Special K commercials show a seemingly healthy body weight. By plugging the Special K Diet, you seem to suggest to your viewers that they should actually be thinner; this is NOT healthy.

Just a Little School Update :)

A new year, a new semester, new opportunities.

I love to learn and I am super excited about my classes. I will likely be sharing fun facts or interesting topics that are brought to my attention in my classes cause they are just that cool, trust me.

So, here is a little school update:

1. The class I am MOST excited about is The History of Fashion and Manners. We will be covering the beginning of man until today - just a little bit intimidating, just a lil bit ;) My teacher, I believe, is a Feminist but she wears fashionable clothes, does her hair and her makeup. It is very encouraging to see someone who looks like me but also THINKS like me too :) Also, we have a guy in the class; he isn't even gay. I look forward to his input and to see if he had a motive involving finding a date when he signed up for this class. Most boys I mention it to are disgusted and would prefer a needle in the eye to this tedious coursework.
2. Another cool class is Gender and Communication. I have taken this before so now I am serving as a Teaching Assistant. My professor is fantastic and a feminist and I am really thankful I have the chance to be around her another semester.
3. I'm also excited about Sociology. It will help me understand all of these social institutions I have realized influence gender identity so much.
4. Human Sexuality will be interesting... to say the least. This is, of course, my class with the most boys in it because that is my luck in life. This is, also, the class where my professor began the first day by discussing a clitoris, masturbation, and the G-spot. Yes, my Southern manners and modesty will influence my participation while in this class - primarily in turning my pale face blood red during a lot of the discussion. However, I think it will be a great challenge for me to be more open with my sexuality and discussion of some of these issues. I have progressed to being able to say "penis" and "vagina" instead of "potty spot" thanks to my previous Women's and Gender classes so I feel confident that new growth awaits me this semester ;)
5. I am also taking Communication Research Methods (not excited but it is required)

So those are the topics I will be exposed to regularly this semester and likely will strongly influence my postings. I hope they'll be just as interesting to you as they are to me...

The High Price of Being Female... literally!

I have a twin brother.

He pays $18 for a haircut.

I pay $37.

I don't even get anything special done: no highlighting cause dealing with roots just complicates life; no perm because my mom had one in the '80s and that was proof enough to know our hair simply frizzes into what resembles an afro and cannot hold a curl; my cut is nothing difficult - in fact, I currently get the Posh Spice slanted bob that everyone and their mother should know how to cut by now.

BUT, I know girls that do get the coloring and the perming and the complicated cuts. They pay upwards of $100 or $150 per visit to the hair salon!?!

What do you pay? My guess is that you pay too much, unless they're serving champagne, chocolates, and giving you a massage before you leave!

What does your brother, your boyfriend, father, guy friends, any boy you come across pay? Probably MUCH less.

Why is that?

And it is NOT just a hair care phenomenon. I pay more than my brother for chapstick, lotion, clothes... the list could go on and on.

I found a fantastic article detailing "Why it costs more to be a woman." It details everything from the hair and clothes but goes further into housing, insurance, etc.

It also gives great advice - to buy like a man. And, to stop playing their game of the girlified-overpriced products.

So do it.

It will pay off, I'm sure of it.

A Sad Reality: young girls and body image

I went ice skating today. With friends from my Sunday School class and our teacher and her two daughters - one in pre-K, the other in 4th grade.

I brought my camera: purple, easy to operate, enticing to the youngest girl.

She wanted to take pictures. I let her.

At one point, she was photographing her older sister who she no doubt looks up to. Her sister said, "NO! Don't take pictures of my legs."

"Why," I asked her.

"Cause they're ugly," she said.

Completely shocked, I asked this beautiful, young girl before me, "Why do you think your legs are ugly?"

"They're fat," was all she said.

Recently she hit a growth spurt and now she is super tall and stretched out; my mom insists that she is "skinny as a beanpole."

I quickly tried to reassure her that there was not an ounce of fat on her but I could tell by the resolute self-disgust in her face that she did not believe me :(

This broke my heart and as much as I was sure it would break her mother's, I called her later to alert her to this body image issue in hopes that she could nip it in the bud.

Unfortunately, upon recounting the brief discussion, before I could finish she said, "her fat legs?"

Apparently this has been an issue for awhile and even today while driving home from the skating rink, the girl asked her mom, "What is the average weight for a 9 year old girl?"

Though this situation seems awful and perhaps abnormal, it isn't.

It is a sad reality.

"According to figures provided by the country's first residential eating disorder treatment facility, the Renfrew Center, and the Journal of American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 40% of 9-year-old girls diet regularly. According to the Harvard Eating Disorder Center in Boston, 42% of first-, second-, and third-grade girls want to be thinner. Eating disorders also have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness." This came from a great article entitled "More Young Girls Worry About Their Weight."

I remember struggling - though not dieting - when I was younger. One thing that encouraged me AND I think could encourage this young girl and many others who think their legs are "fat" is the old Thunder Thigh, etc. ads from Nike.

Check them out. Show them to the young girls - AND women - that you know.

The Princess and the Frog

I am a feminist but I also adore Disney. Sometimes this proves to be a difficult situation.

I may be 20 years old but that did not quell any of my excitement at the fact that Disney would be releasing (A) a new movie and (B) a princess one!!! It was the first Disney princess in 11 years!?! I grew up with the princesses and loved each one of them for one reason or another.

SIDE NOTE: one reason I know I have always been a feminist - even before I knew what that was - my favorite Disney heroine was Mulan (the defiant fighter in a man's world and very patriarchial society)... followed closely by Pocahontas (who wasn't afraid to defy her father in the name of love and who stood up for what she believed in) and, lastly, Belle (who was brunette, a big fan of books, and didn't fall for the muscle head who was quite the sexist).

Anywho, the current Disney female lead was Tiana, a hard-working waitress who was African American and living in New Orleans. There were concerns about her - the first black princess - from the get go. People were worried she would look to white, had a name that sounded like a slave (her previous name was Maddy), would not be as glamorous as other princesses, etc. A full list of these worries can be found here.

However, that article brings up a good point "Aren't we all just overreacting here? After all, this is an animated movie for kids about people who transform into frogs; the main characters even spend most of their screen time as... amphibians." For the most part, I agree.

Overall, the movie was cute with good music and some memorable characters like the gator who played music and Ray the lightning bug. However, it did not completely wow me. Maybe I have just grown up too much to be mesmerized by the princesses anymore. As a southerner though, I really enjoyed seeing her cooking shrimp or hearing them say "y'all" or seeing the plants and trees that I have grown up around all my life.

I did have a couple issues though.

1) She was still mostly white painted black. She did have a bit bigger butt and lips and maybe nose but mostly this just added to her waist looking even tinier than usual. Disney still sets up that almost impossible beauty standard :(

2) Her prince - A) he wasn't black like her BUT (as the previous linked article points out) his different race is positively showing an interracial relationship B) he was laaaaazy (she was the one that had to nag him to help with cooking, getting back to town, etc).

Overall though, it is pretty cute. I hope this is the first of many more princesses to come from Disney - let's just get them looking a little more like the girls who look up to them!!!

Perks of Having a Penis: The inequality of payment for the pills

Do you use birth control, specificlly the pill?

How much do you pay for it?

Does your insurance cover it?

I actually don't use it but I have a ton of friends who do. It costs them anywhere from 15 to 80 dollars - PER MONTH!?! That is outrageous.



They use it for a ton of reasons beyond simply preventing pregnancy. They use it to treat thier skin, control their cycle, reduce cramps, increase their iron, etc. The Center for Young Women's Health has a complete list medicinal uses of the pill. And, check this out.

Seems like insurance companies should cover it, right? Sadly, many do not.

That may make you mad, but I believethis should really make you MAD: many, if not most of insurance companies - that aren't paying for your birth control - cover Viagra which has no medicinal purpose other than treating erectile disfunction.

ABC did a story on it called "Erections get insurance; Why not the pill?" It says, "" When it comes to health insurance, men have been getting a better deal.' Studies have shown that women of reproductive age spend about two-thirds more than men on out-of-pocket health-care costs. Birth control and reproductive health-care services are believed to account for much of the difference."

Why is this!?! With all the controversy over health care lately, why don't we, as women, stand up and DEMAND this coverage?

The article goes on to explain that "Women's activists say they cannot understand why, given what they see as the 'cost-effectiveness' of birth control, employers and insurers wouldn't jump to cover it. They point to studies that found for every $1 of public funds invested in family planning, $4 to $14 of public funds is saved in pregnancy and health care-related costs. 'Insurance companies have got to realize there's no financial disincentive,' Feldt said. '[Covering contraception] saves so much on the other end. Over the long term, contraception coverage seems to save money.'"


South Carolina doesn't require that the insurance company help or fully cover the pill for women.

Find out if your state does and if they don't call your insurance provider or your local representative and let them know they SHOULD...