Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Hear me whisper, watch me rise

In the 2 weeks since the election, I keep coming back to this quote:



Many feminists cling to the famous, "I am woman, hear me roar" but in this moment, I feel like "I am woman, hear me whisper" is more fitting for me, at least in line with the quote above.

I know many people celebrated the win, and many not for evil reasons but because they have been hurt by an economy that left them behind and they have bills and insurance that keep taking more and more money. But I also know many people no longer feel safe or welcome in our nation and others fear our rights being taken and our economic inequality growing.

The one thing I know for sure is there is more work than ever to be done to ensure that all Americans are able to secure life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness that our founders called for in the Declaration of Independence. In the last two weeks, I've seen and read about so many people doing such good work to keep people safe and supported, gathering together, checking on one another, figuring out ways we can help those who need it most right now, organizing for ways to keep doing good in our nation, praying - all a collective and courageous whisper of how we will get back up and keep trying again tomorrow (for however many tomorrows it takes). 

I keep whispering this quote by John Wesley over and over. I even printed it out to keep at my desk as a daily reminder and I hope you all will try to live it out as well:


That need to do more good in response to the hateful speech and actions that have increased recently, reminds me of this amazing video that I saw on facebook following the election results. I feel more empowered, encouraged and determined to do good each time I watch it:


Today I Rise from Blaze of Grace on Vimeo.


Here are the beautiful words of the poem in this video by Alexandra Feldner:
Where are you, little girl with broken wings, but full of hope?
Where are you, wise woman, covered in wounds?
Where are you? Where are you? Where are you?  
Today is the day I will not sit still and give in anymore
Today, I rise 
I am bruised, but I will get up and walk again
Today, I rise 
I don't care if you ignore my beauty
Today, I rise 
Through the agony of my darkest nights, I heal and thrive
Today, I rise 
I move through the world with confidence and grace
I open my eyes and I am ready to face
My wholeness as a woman and my limitless capacities
I will walk my path with audacity
Today, I rise
I reconnect with the many aspects of myself
I'm in awe of the reality I can breed
I am a queen
I am a healer
A wise woman
A wild woman
I will rise and be
I am a rebel. I wake up and fight
I am a mother
And... I am a child 
I will no longer disguise my sadness and pain
I will no longer suffer and complain 
I am black and I am white
There's no reason to hide
Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? 
I call upon Kali to give me life
I transform my anger into power
No more heartache or strife
The world is missing what I am ready to give
My wisdom
My sweetness
My love
And my hunger for peace
I weep with the trees and the rivers and the earth in distress
I rise and shine and i'm ready to go on my quest
Today, I rise without doubt or hesitation
Today, I rise without excuses, without procrastination
Toady, I call upon my sisters to join a movement of resolution and concern
Today is my call to action
I will fulfill my mission without further distraction 
Today is the day
Today I will start
To offer the world the wisdom of my heart

So let us all - women and men - come together, take courage, do good, and keep whispering love, kindness, encouragement, and action steps as we rise:



Sunday, August 28, 2016

From Sisyphus to a Phoenix: a Millennial's Epic Job Hunt Saga




(NOTE: I usually try to write light-hearted things on my blog but this post is different - I have put it off for a long time because it was overwhelming and exhausting to think back on what this last year+ of job hunting has been. I did it though for a catharsis if nothing else so I warn you that this post is long, but, so was my job hunt. I did at least find lots of pictures! But, it is a year+ in one blogpost so just a heads up that this isn't a quick read)



My sweet friend, Chelsea, sent me this card LAST FALL as encouragement for my job hunt that was proving difficult.




The card was blank but she had written inside that "sometimes job hunting can feel like this."

She was right.

My job hunt felt the same: exerting so much energy but seeing no result. The boulder wasn't moving and I wasn't getting a job offer.

This card and the way I felt made me think of myself as a modern-day Sisyphus, the king from Greek mythology who was punished with having to roll a huge boulder up a hill only to have it roll back down again... and then repeat that for eternity.

My job hunt has gave me a lot of empathy for Sisyphus:




I graduated May 8th of 2015 and literally took off my masters hood and then loaded up the u-haul. I left for NC early the next morning and moved into my new apartment that evening of May 9th. 

I didn't have much time in grad school so my job hunt really started once we moved to NC. 



------ TEMP JOB # 1: The Poop Plant ------


Last summer, I wrote a post about "My 'shitty' first job" after grad school - a temp position working for the Durham county's wastewater treatment plant, what I still affectionately refer to as "the poop plant." While I took that job just to pay the bills and joked that it was "shitty," it was actually a wonderful month and I still keep in touch with several people I worked with there. 



------ TEMP JOB # 2: United Way ------


I ended up leaving "the poop plant" for a Community Engagement Fellowship with our local United Way (UW). While I got so much out of the experience and gained a wonderful group of friends, the position was just 5 months, for their busy season, the fundraising campaign. However.... 



------ ROCK ROLL # 1: Also United Way ------



Their Community Engagement Manager position came open and it sounded up my alley. It would be doing a lot with events and volunteers.  I heard the application count hit 300 so I didn't hold my breath. However, I was called in for a 1st round interview. I didn't get my hopes up because I thought, perhaps they were just doing that to be nice since I already worked there.

But then I made it to:
  • the 2nd round interview
  • a 3rd round interview with a panel of 5 people
  • an interview with my would-be supervisor's boss
  • 3 back-to-back 30 minute interviews with the higher ups
  • and I had to submit a portfolio of my event experience
2 months in, I had made it from 300+ applicants down to being 1 of the final 2. 

Anddddd, I didn't get the position. 

Like Sisyphus, the rock that I pushed so far up the hill, rolled all the way back down to the bottom. 















------ ROCK ROLL # 2: Girl Scouts ------


They had an opening for a Membership Initiative Coordinator who would help with programs and community outreach to get girls and volunteers involved.

I applied and made it through:
  • a phone interview with my would-be boss 
  • an in person interview for 1.5 hours 
  • an interview with my would-be boss and her boss too (once again in the final round of 2)

Unfortunately, the other candidate had worked with GS previously so she knew the programs and the culture already so they chose her.

And the rock rolled back down...






------ ROCK ROLL # 3: Local Foundation ------


I applied for an awesome local foundation called the Jamie Kirk Hahn Foundation that does amazing work to build leaders and communities and tackle important issues like poverty, education and food insecurity.

I made it through:
  • a phone interview
  • an in person interview with the Executive Director 
  • an interview with the man who was married to the late Jamie Kirk Hahn and helped found this organization

Once again, I kid you not, I made it to the final 2.

And, once again, I was the runner up.

And the rock rolled back down...






------ TEMP JOB # 3: The Poop Plant Again ------


My friend from the poop plant told me they had another temp opening that would be a new role, with a raise. I happily went back to my "shitty" starting place because it actually - again - wasn't shitty at all. They were so good to me, flexible with my interview schedule, the work wasn't stressful and it paid the bills. Just goes to show that you never know where a great opportunity might come from!



------ ROCK ROLL # 4: Orange County ------ 



The next interview gauntlet came when I applied to my local government's Community Center Coordinator position. I would be managing events, programs, outreach and would have the perk of a 5 minute commute to my office. 

Again, I made it past a phone interview. Then I had a 2 hour intense process of: 
  • a panel interview with my would-be peer workers
  • an assessment
  • a powerpoint presentation of the plan I was asked to create for our centers
  • and then a final panel interview with all of the big wigs in that department of the county

This finalist round, I don't know if I was number 2, 3, or 4, but I was NOT number 1. 

And the rock rolled back down...





------ ROCK ROLL # 5: UNC ------


This next position was really cool, working at UNC's social justice center as the Social Innovation Initiative Coordinator.


Again, similar pattern: 
  • phone interview
  • in person interview with a panel of 4
  • and then another interview with a higher up staff person

And, I wish I was making this up, but again - after being a finalist of 3 or 4 - I remained a runner up and was not hired.  I was beginning to wonder if I could ever get someone to make me a job offer!?!

And the rock rolled back down....









WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS:


Still at the poop plant,  I was playing the field and interviewing for 3 positions at the same time. 
  1. GS (Again!) - My would-be-boss for the last position recommended me for a Membership Director position. I went through:
    • a phone interview 
    • a 2.5 hour in person interview
  2. Google Fiber (!!?!!) - Someone I'd worked with at UW recommended me for their Community Impact Manager role. I was intrigued so I applied and made it through:  
    • a phone interview
    • a virtual interview - basically I had to record myself in a few videos answering some questions 
    • an in-person interview with a recruiter
    • a phone interview with my would-be-boss 
    • then an in-person interview at Google Fiber with 3 other staff members
  3. NC IDEA - This would be filling in for a woman going out on maternity leave as their Community Manager and had the chance to work temp-to-perm into another role. For them, I had:
    • 3 one-on-one interviews with the staff in the office 

Then, because truth really is stranger than fiction: I was given an offer by all 3 within the same 24 hours. 

After so many "no"s, I could not believe it: Now I had to figure out who to tell "no."
  1. No for GS - It required us to move to another county and we had just gotten settled in Hillsborough.
  2. No for Google Fiber (!!??!!!) - I've never been very corporate and it wasn't the amazing benefits of google or a job guarantee because it was actually under that staffing agency. Plus, tons of overtime required for evening and weekend events. 
  3. Yes to NC IDEA - This one had a lot I liked (nonprofit, community development, the strong chance to be permanent) so I committed to the 4 month-contract for her maternity leave. 


------ TEMP JOB # 4 & ROCK ROLL # 6: Both NC IDEA ------



I started at NC IDEA as they gained a new CEO and added a couple of huge grants. It was an exciting time and I learned a lot and met many great people. Unfortunately, with all of those changes, I found out the permanent position wasn't a guarantee.

This time, I had made it ever-so-close to the top of the job-hunt-mountain, but the rock rolled back down, taking me down with it.





I decided to take a week-ish off from job hunting to reassess and recalibrate a bit so I painted a coffee table and found a fresh new start. 



NEW APPROACH



Through the countless hours of job searching, applying, interview prepping, interviews, and overanalyzing, I had learned and grown so much. I decided to no longer be worrisome about my choppy work history and instead own it for all I had gained through the past year. 

I started the job hunt again with new determination to make it up that f-ing mountain. 




To recap, in the last year, I have: 
  1.  Worked 4 temp positions
  1.  Applied to about 30 positions
  1.  Had over 35 interviews
  1.  Came in #2 (or was a finalist of 3 or 4 candidates) 5 times. In a row. 





Limping through this Sisyphean job hunt saga and the other tough aspects of the last year, Scott (also on a grueling job hunt) and I learned to laugh at things (when we weren't crying, cussing, praying or interview-prepping)...






What if he was happy? Maybe he took pride in his work or appreciated the rhythm of his repetitive task? Or, maybe it just sucked and was hard?


------ THE MOUNTAIN-TOP ------ 


Either way, I am glad to report that I am not Sisyphus after all and I finally made it to the top of the job-hunt-mountain!





I had been playing the job hunt field again and was moving forward on 3 positions: 

  1. Habitat for Humanity -  Societal Impact and Advocacy Manager. I made it to the essay application round and was set for a 1st round interview
  2. A Tech Co - This was a random opportunity someone recommended me for and would be a recruiting role. I made it through a phone interview and was set to interview in person.
  3.  Elon University - A program coordinator position with their Center for the Advancement of Teaching and Learning as well as their Center for Engaged Learning.  I made it through: 
    • a phone interview
    • 2.5 hour final round of:
      • 2 panel interviews
      • a 3-part-assessment
      • an interview with the director of the centers
My Elon final interview was on a Tuesday and, on Thursday, my now boss offered me the job!?!

This was a quintessential case of "1 in the hand is worth 2 in the bush." 

I took the night to think about it but, while I was intrigued by the other 2 positions, this position would use my degrees, grow my skills and really interested me, so I accepted the position on Friday, exactly one week after my NC IDEA temp position ended. 

At first, I was in shock and feeling crazy like "Since I was just barely back in the job hunting saddle, should I accept this job or keep looking?" but, I realized had put in plenty of job hunting time.


Starting my Job


I started at Elon earlier this month and I love it. God truly does bless the broken road (or mountain!) and his plans are better than ours so I'm grateful all my "no"s led me to where I am.

One of my favorite things about this position is the school's mascot - a phoenix - which resonates with me almost as much as the boulder image from my friend, Chelsea's, sweet card.

I feel like I'm finally getting the chance to rise, stronger from all that mountain climbing and boulder-pushing, reborn from the ashes of this past year. #risingup #beautyfromashes #fromsisyphustoaphoenix


Saturday, June 25, 2016

Sarah Grace gets attacked by a dog... a 2nd time


Forewarning: this is a graphic post with lots of pictures of my wounds. Don't read it if you are weak-stomached.


This would happen to me. I hesitated to call it a Sarah Grace story because I didn't do anything to cause this harm to myself but, nonetheless, if a freak accident would happen to someone, it would be me, Sarah Grace, so here it is.

It was an afternoon like so many others; I had called a friend on my way home from work and having just parked at my apartment complex, I went to check the mail. I was having a phonedate with my friend Mikah who happened to be about 8.5 months pregnant. I was quietly, calmly and slowly walking and talking as I crossed the parking lot.

The Attack

All of a sudden, out of nowhere I felt an intense pain in the back of my thigh. I turned around and see a dog that had just bit me and it was coming at me again. Since I had half-turned at that point, the dog grabbed at my ankle this time and I had to shake several times with a lot of force to get it off of my ankle. In the process, my shoe - a little office flat, not tied or buckled on to my foot - fell off.

As a result, the 3rd time the dog came at me, I was fully turned around and expecting it so I kicked at it but, because I no longer had a shoe on, it got the bottom of my heel.

Finally, the owner got the dog and was holding it. It was wearing a leash and the owner had been there the whole time but somehow the dog got away from him and came after me. I'm still not sure what provoked it.

The Aftermath

Though I was bit three times, my foot was what was bleeding the most. It kept steadily dripping and was immediately bruising on my ankle. I was panicking.


Part of why I was so concerned was because, as some of you may remember, I've actually been attacked by a dog before, but that bite didn't bleed nearly as much and it didn't even bruise until the next day. As a result, I was freaking out that this dog may have gotten a vein or tendon because of how much blood I was losing and immediate bruising. I then began freaking out that I may not be able to walk again. Clearly, I was getting irrational ;)

 Next, I feared I might faint from the blood loss. PLUS - the man was still just a few feet away from me and just holding the dog by the collar. He hadn't put it in the back of his truck or moved it away from me or anything. He did apologize though and kept assuring me the dog is up to date on shots. I hobbled over to lean up against a car and call Scott.

His phone was still on silent from work so it took 3 calls til he answered. Before I could even finish my sentence, he was rushing out to find me.

I also noticed my poor friend Mikah had called me back several times. I texted her to explain I was bit by a dog. She said all of a sudden she had just heard me screaming. She didn't know if I was being robbed, raped, whatever. I apologized if I almost sent her into pre-term labor.

Still bleeding, I sat down to avoid falling on my face. When Scott showed up a minute later, he found me like this (which, of course, I insisted be documented because I scrapbook and blog and this scenario would obviously need to be documented!).


I don't really know what my face says here but I was in a daze, hurting, irrationally upset and worried about if we went to the ER, how much it would cost.

Plus, now about 15 feet away, that little snot of a dog who did this to me was staring me down. Fortunately, Scott had his cop training kick in so he got the dog owner's apartment number, phone number, pictures of me AND a picture of the dog so we had all our evidence.

Unfortunately, now I can't use artistic license or Andrews exaggeration to say the dog that attacked me was some huge, ferocious, beast of a dog that weighed as much as I did.

No, I am reduced to the truth: I was attacked by this cute, little dog.


NOTE: its tail is wagging. And the dog barely comes up to my knee.

And do you see that smug look on it's face!?!

Priorities

Scott insisted we go to the ER. Dazed and hurting as I may have been, I did not forget to be my anal, clean self because I didn't want to ruin the car's carpet with blood. I asked Scott if he would please go get a towel for me to wrap around my foot before he retrieved the car from the other end of the parking lot to pick me up.

As he left, a boy of about 10 or 11 kept circling around my end of the parking lot on his scooter, unabashedly staring me down. I guess I was the most exciting thing he'd seen at our apartment in awhile. I thought to myself, "Thank God the dog didn't attack him or one of the older women who live by themselves in our apartment building."

While Scott and the boy on the scooter were gone, the female owner of the dog arrived. She said, "Oh my God. Oh no. Honey, I'm so sorry. She ain't never bit someone where it bled this much before."

I wish someone could have been there to document whatever expression came onto my face when I heard that.

She went on to assure me that she has a sweet dog and it goes to doggy day care and is a good dog. At this point, I'm just wanting her to leave so I tried to gracefully say, "I'm sure he is and I know accidents happen, I just didn't even see him coming."

She interrupted me to say, "Oh, it's a she."

Oh, no she didn't.

She did.

I reallllly wish someone could have documented my face then.

Fortunately, before I could have said or done something I regretted in my irrational, delusional state of pain and blood loss, Scott arrived.

He helped me into the car and off to the ER we went.

My 1st Ever ER Visit

On the way there, I was losing it and bawling and freaking out. However, once we got inside and I realized I wasn't dying or going to lose the ability to walk, etc. etc. like I had been worrying about, I calmed down a bit and even mustered a smile when I asked Scott to document this part of the saga:


We had to wait a while and they required us to start an official report for animal control services. Turns out the animal control officers knew this dog. It had in fact bitten someone (or several people?) before.

More shocking and distasteful than that, we found out the dog's name was Lily. Lily!?! Sounds so damn dainty.

Anywho, the visit drug on. Once we finally got back to a room, the examination and cleaning of my wounds was made difficult by the fact that I was wearing the tightest pair of pants that I own. Literally.

I didn't want to take my tight pants all the way off - that would get blood all over them, hurt as the tight fabric had to be pulled over my ankle and heel and, most importantly, they would have to be put back on and hurt my wounds all over again when I had to leave since you don't get to keep those hospital gowns.

I decided to just meet in the middle and pull them part way up from my ankle and part way down from my thigh. You can see, at this point, I'm not sure if I was having fun with it or had just lost my mind but I thought I'd done a good job solving that situation. NOTE: I don't think I even asked for this photo to be taken; I think Scott just wanted to take it to document my crazy self at the moment.


By the end of 2 hours, they had cleaned my wounds, given me some bandages and prescriptions and sent me on my way.

On the Bright Side 

One positive out of all of this was I got to live out a childhood dream. We went to the closest pharmacy which was at Walmart. We didn't think someone could pick up narcotics for someone else (they prescribed me Vicodin for the pain) so we both went to drop off my prescription. Since I couldn't really walk, Scott had to get me one of these which my mom never let me ride, though my brother and I had always begged for her to let us take one for a joy ride when we were little.


While some dreams do come true, this was anti-climactic. It was slow as molasses. But, we got my Vicodin and an antibiotic to help prevent infection.

That was the beginning of Scott being a great nurse and taking such great care of me as I healed.

The Wounds

I had 3 bites. Later that night I, of course, documented all of them. This time, however, it was not just for a blogpost or scrapbook but for an animal control services official report.





The cut on my heel made it hard to walk because it became swollen and sore and kept breaking open. Fortunately, our neighbor had an old pair of crutches so I used them for the first week or so when I couldn't really walk. That wound was the first to heal, though after about a month.

The second to heal was arguably the nastiest looking one. That tiny dog had a lot of force because it got high on my thigh and left this dark mark with a huge knot:


This is 4 days after the attack. You can see the two chunks missing from the teeth and the tape marks where we had the bandages on. 


It got larger, darker and nastier. Some people thought it was a tattoo from afar. This photo is about a week out from the attack. It stayed bruised for around 3 weeks and the knot stuck around for over a month.

The one on my ankle was ultimately the worst with seemingly each movement ripping back open the wound. While the ER doctors said it could have used stitches, they avoid stitching bite wounds because mouths are so dirty and the rate of infection goes up astronomically. Even so, it was such a deep wound that it was slow to heal and got infected a couple times.





Bruising, discoloration, swelling, nasty walking-dead-level-gross-flesh looking stuff. I kept taking pictures not just to have gross documentation but because Scott's step-dad is a firefighter/EMT and he was letting me know (a) if it was infected or a serious problem and (b) how to clean/care for the wounds.

Fortunately, 2 months out (last week), it is back to almost normal:


It's still a little sore and tight and I can't do all the yoga moves I did before the attack (ironically "downward facing dog" which uses so much of the back of the thigh, the ankle and heel is what I've had the most trouble with!) but I'm getting there.

So What Happened to Lily?

She was required by animal services to be in a 10 day quarantine to check her for diseases, most notably rabies. Praise God, she was up to date on all of her shots and rabies free so I didn't have to do any follow up shots after the attack.

Scott and I both grew up with dogs and our family has always had them so we are dog people. As a result, we didn't try to push for her to be put down. Plus, we were trying to stay on good terms with the dog owners so they would pay the bills. Fortunately, they did pay us and covered the meds and the ER bills. The man even gave Scott an extra $50 to "take your wife to dinner" as an apology. It was nice of them and well-timed as our 2-year anniversary was the week after they paid us so we used that to splurge on a meal out. I even wrote the neighbors a thank you note to try to keep any awkward tension at bay + we were truly grateful for how cooperative they were through the process.

However, Lily is now officially listed as "a vicious and dangerous dog" in the county and the state because she has bitten more than one person and because of the severity of my injuries. As a result, if this happens again, I don't think there is an option and Lily will be put down. Until then, she is required to be muzzled whenever out of the house. We've run into them a couple times and Lily has been muzzled. It is still a bit unsettling.

So there you have it. Sarah Grace attacked by a dog, for a 2nd time.

Here's to hoping I don't have to write a 3rd post on this topic!

Sunday, June 12, 2016

A Fresh New Season: Paint, Perspective & a Little Sparkle

This weekend I painted our coffee table, the one I bought 3 years ago off of Craigs List. It needed a fresh coat of paint then and I added another layer of black to match its then current color, but this time was different.

I had this little black coffee table in South Carolina, Tennessee and, now, North Carolina and it has served me well. 

We have eaten countless meals off of it. I've kicked my feet up on it to paint my toenails or relax while watching tv. I sat at it for I don't know how many hours in grad school doing homework, grading my students' papers, writing my own. 

Through all of its use, it has always held a candle at one of its corners. I light them to relax whether I am enjoying a glass of wine, journaling, reading my Bible, etc. 

It has served us well and - even still - it has good bones. It may have been a little dirty, flaking paint and its shine had been dulled from all of its use, but, it has remained sturdy and reliable. 



I felt a lot like that table from making the same moves between 3 different states, surviving grad school while working 2 jobs and planning a wedding followed by figuring out marriage, then moving to NC to endure Scott's schooling and career change, plus, both of our intense jobs hunts with tons of rejections and temp positions. 

I feel a little beat up and like I've lost some of my shine. 

But, this weekend I sanded off the flaking paint and smoothed out the rough spots. 


There were about 4 layers of paint

Then I replaced the black, scratched and dulled paint with a fresh new coat in a tranquil, pretty blue. It now looks so lovely, so polished. It is ready for its next season. Hopefully it will be a more gentle one, but either way, after 2 coats of paint and time outside in the sunshine and fresh air, it is ready. 


It looks very different in the daylight vs. at night

I love crafting because it is fun, creative, therapeutic, and it provides my mind time to wander. But I also love the sense of accomplishment from seeing the before and after and that fresh feeling of excitement and hope for its next season of use. 

After this weekend, I feel a lot like this table, ready for my next season. 

Adding Some Sparkle 

I didn't stop with the table though. We needed a new chest and this weekend we bought this one from Craigs List. 

This was the ad on Craigs List

It was pretty but I thought it could use some sparkle. 

I decided to try an antique mirror finish for the glass doors. Here's how it turned out: 

The sparkle is pretty but also practical because now you
won't see all the stuff inside the chest

Because it reflected, it was hard to get a picture, but 
I did a mercury finish on the knobs & windows


I'm ready for a fresh start and to add some sparkle to my life. Because sparkle helps to spread light and even though this has been a tough transition to NC, there's always room for light. I love seeing the twinkle of stars in the sky and I'm often reminded of this quote:

 "Only when it is dark enough can you see the stars." 

One way I want to add some sparkle to my life is through blogging. I've let it go in the time and transitions that I've had with this coffee table but I love to write so I decided to give my blog a fresh new look as well. It has a new template and colors, hopefully ready to usher in a new season where I update it more than once a year! 

This weekend brought lots of new paint, perspective and a little sparkle.


The candle I currently have on my coffee table says "Let the light shine." And that is exactly what I intend to do. 

Here's to a fresh, new season.