A Fresh New Season: Paint, Perspective & a Little Sparkle

This weekend I painted our coffee table, the one I bought 3 years ago off of Craigs List. It needed a fresh coat of paint then and I added another layer of black to match its then current color, but this time was different.

I had this little black coffee table in South Carolina, Tennessee and, now, North Carolina and it has served me well. 

We have eaten countless meals off of it. I've kicked my feet up on it to paint my toenails or relax while watching tv. I sat at it for I don't know how many hours in grad school doing homework, grading my students' papers, writing my own. 

Through all of its use, it has always held a candle at one of its corners. I light them to relax whether I am enjoying a glass of wine, journaling, reading my Bible, etc. 

It has served us well and - even still - it has good bones. It may have been a little dirty, flaking paint and its shine had been dulled from all of its use, but, it has remained sturdy and reliable. 

I felt a lot like that table from making the same moves between 3 different states, surviving grad school while working 2 jobs and planning a wedding followed by figuring out marriage, then moving to NC to endure Scott's schooling and career change, plus, both of our intense jobs hunts with tons of rejections and temp positions. 

I feel a little beat up and like I've lost some of my shine. 

But, this weekend I sanded off the flaking paint and smoothed out the rough spots. 

There were about 4 layers of paint

Then I replaced the black, scratched and dulled paint with a fresh new coat in a tranquil, pretty blue. It now looks so lovely, so polished. It is ready for its next season. Hopefully it will be a more gentle one, but either way, after 2 coats of paint and time outside in the sunshine and fresh air, it is ready. 

It looks very different in the daylight vs. at night

I love crafting because it is fun, creative, therapeutic, and it provides my mind time to wander. But I also love the sense of accomplishment from seeing the before and after and that fresh feeling of excitement and hope for its next season of use. 

After this weekend, I feel a lot like this table, ready for my next season. 

Adding Some Sparkle 

I didn't stop with the table though. We needed a new chest and this weekend we bought this one from Craigs List. 

This was the ad on Craigs List

It was pretty but I thought it could use some sparkle. 

I decided to try an antique mirror finish for the glass doors. Here's how it turned out: 

The sparkle is pretty but also practical because now you

won't see all the stuff inside the chest

Because it reflected, it was hard to get a picture, but 

I did a mercury finish on the knobs & windows

I'm ready for a fresh start and to add some sparkle to my life. Because sparkle helps to spread light and even though this has been a tough transition to NC, there's always room for light. I love seeing the twinkle of stars in the sky and I'm often reminded of this quote:

 "Only when it is dark enough can you see the stars." 

One way I want to add some sparkle to my life is through blogging. I've let it go in the time and transitions that I've had with this coffee table but I love to write so I decided to give my blog a fresh new look as well. It has a new template and colors, hopefully ready to usher in a new season where I update it more than once a year! 

This weekend brought lots of new paint, perspective and a little sparkle.

The candle I currently have on my coffee table says "Let the light shine." And that is exactly what I intend to do. 

Here's to a fresh, new season. 

Stereotypes: Terrorism, Feminism and Classical Music

Stereotypes

Stereotypes suck because they limit people - both those doing the stereotyping and those being stereotyped - because stereotypes build boxes that keep people in... and out.

These boxes block off potential - the potential for that person in your eyes and maybe in their own eyes of who they are and can become.

Take, for example, when we stereotype blondes as dumb: we lose the potential knowledge they could share because we write them off as ignorant AND they might lose the potential to believe they can be brainier because they live up to the dumb blonde stereotype.

Terrorism

But, given today's mark in history as the 10th anniversary of the September 11th attacks, I'm sure a different stereotype comes to mind for many of us:

Racial profiling that "Muslim" = "terrorist"

This became so common that this t-shirt was created:

Countless stereotypes exist about Muslims, especially in the media in relation to terrorism. However, according to NBC news, a " 2009 [Pew Research Center] study, Muslims in the United States are much more likely to say that suicide bombings are never justified in defense of Islam than Muslims in other countries. Almost eight in 10 American Muslims say that such attacks are never defensible, compared to 70 percent of Muslims in Britain, 64 percent of Muslims in France, and just 17 percent of Muslims who live in the Palestinian territory."

So, perhaps more Americans should resist the urge to judge a book by its cover... or a person by his or her religion. 

Feminism

I have been judged by my religion before. Countless feminists have been horrified and even in disbelief that I am not only Christian but Baptist. Many people think "Baptist" and "Feminist" cannot be one in the same but, for me they are because my faith is empowering not oppressive. 

Beyond being Baptist, though, I am often judged by my "cover" or appearance because I don't look like the typical stereotype of a feminist: manly, hairy, no bra, etc. (And, for the record, most feminists don't look like that!)

But most people who operate under those stereotypes, would probably never look at me and guess I'm a feminist. I actually look very mainstream... more like a brunette Barbie than say, Andrea Dworkin. 

And, I get judged for that ALL the time...

I have interacted with people who see me dressed in pink or florals or high high heels and assume I am vapid, materialistic and shallow. Then, I open my mouth and I can literally see an expression shoot across their face when they are surprised to see that I am reasonably intelligent and have something of value to add to the conversation.

But because the cover of my book is more like Barbie, I am boxed into a stereotype when in reality I just enjoy fashion after having endured uniforms for years in high school. It just so happens that instead of being emo/goth/grunge or some other counter-culture look, my fashion sense is undeniably and even excessively feminine... very Southern Belle you might say ;)

But, just like being Baptist empowers me, so does my femininity. I feel no need to hide the fact that I am a woman and I have absolutely no desire to look like a man.... I just happen to enjoy wearing skirts, makeup and perfume. This Southern Belle image I have, however, does not reduce my desire to learn, lead, or do anything else I set my mind to. 

Classical Music

Just to end on a fun note after this rather serious post, here is another person who looks a little different and shatters a stereotype while doing so :)

What do you think of when you think classical music? 

Nerdy guy, no fashion sense, elevator music? I have to admit, I sometimes boxed classical musicians into a stereotype similar to that : / 

However, a friend of mine recently introduced me to David Garret. Is it bad that I was hooked before I even heard him play??? ;) 

Anyways, he is from Germany and one of the fastest violinists in the world AND he modernizes the music by playing current songs... like Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal: 

He has many more songs that might change the way you think about classical music :)

We may not all struggle with boxing in or being boxed in by these particular stereotypes of terrorist, feminist or classical music but we all face stereotypes. 

Next time you're about to judge someone by their appearance...

think OUTSIDE the box...

and let them show you who they truly are, even if who they truly are seems as incompatible as a Southern Belle (Baptist) Feminist :)

Wondering About WGS... where do I fit in?

Recently, I have given a great deal of thought to pursuing grad school and possibly becoming a professor within the field of WGS.

I had a huge fear that I would not find a place in the WGS community as a Christian, feminine, very heterosexual, relatively traditional woman. Basically, I didn't know if they would see me, a Southern Belle Feminist, as legit.

The SEWSA conference was a big deciding factor.

I was unsure if my Southern Belle could possibly be accepted and lacked confidence that my Feminist could hold her own in that community. Plus, days of people simply reading papers had a high possibility of being plain old boring.

Fortunately, I am happy to report that I enjoyed SEWSA, was not ostracized for my Southern Belle appearance and was pleasantly surprised in how much my Feminist knowledge and references has accumulated in recent years, particularly in college.

The other thing I realized is that the Feminist community is more accepting of individuals and personal voices even if they come in a more traditional looking package (aka: me with my painted nails, high heels and flowered cardigans!). Still, though, I believe I may always have to prove my intelligence in this community because at first glance I may be perceived as out of place or simply vapid and buying into mainstream media ideals that they (and sometimes I) disagree with.

All in all though, I take confidence in my perhaps less common approach to feminism. I desire and believe, hopefully without too much arrogance, that I could be a bridge between the more traditional, mainstream community (which would not disregard me since I "fit" in there) and the feminist community so that I could share its more progressive ideals.

I also take confidence in the fact that my areas of interest, often more associated with the traditional, mainstream community, are under-explored from a feminist lens. This, I believe, might allow me to develop a niche in the feminist community if I pursue WGS academia. For example, I like Christianity, fashion, beauty, menstruation/reproduction, and heterosexual romance - areas that it seems to me are ignored or misunderstood by many feminists.

Hopefully I can delve into them to enlighten the feminists and also empower the more traditional community...

But now that I have outed myself in the Christian community as a Feminist and now that I have exposed my girly and traditional self in the Feminist community, without significant backlash, I am relieved to know that I can exist in both worlds and be me, a Southern Belle Feminist :)

My Epic Internal Struggle: Southern Belle vs. Feminist Boxing Match

In case you haven't noticed, I'm single ;)

It doesn't altogether bother me but I have an epic internal struggle in how to be single.

That is, in my mental boxing match, on one side of the ring is the Southern Belle (dainty, passive, waiting to be pursued) vs. the Feminist (though hesitant, more daring - perhaps impatient - pursuer).

As I'm sure you all know, Valentine's Day recently came and went, one of my less remarkable ones since I did not have a significant other. However, it was still good because I am a hopeless romantic and that colors my rosy glasses enough to see past all of the blatant consumerism ;)

For Valentine's Day, one of my girlfriends and I decided to attend a Valentine's dance so that we would not be stuck inside alone, studying and wallowing and giving in to our temptation to eat far too much ice cream or chocolate.

This dance and what unfolded offers a prime example of my mental boxing match:

Before I get started here is a list of some prime characters...

1) Cute Christian = in reference to his religious preference, not an alliteration attempt with his first name ;) Also, my top crushlet of the night
2) German Girlfriend = my friend who is tall and beautiful and from - you guessed it - Germany
3) High Guy = pudgy but lovable boy who was extremely sharing, even in regards to his drug usage; I do not assume that he is high but he, in fact, announces this to me within mere minutes of our introductions.
4) The Twin = a guy I bonded with over the fact that we both have a twin brother
5) Redhead = a nice, quiet redheaded boy with glasses

Round One:

We enter the ballroom and Cute Christian sees me and offers me not only an enthusiastic greeting but also a hug; immediately I become giddy. (This should be a pretty clear indicator in how far removed I am from dating in that I get excited over a half hug from a guy!)

A.K.A. victory to Southern Belle

Round Two:

I run around socializing and introducing myself to several people, including The Twin and the cute DJ. I meet new girls and new guys and comment on the decorations and nibble at the food and it is pleasant. All the while, I am eyeing Cute Christian who is also the host of the event; he runs around greeting others with a conspicuous lack of an accompanying hug. This, too, I find encouraging ;)

A.K.A. another victory to Southern Belle

Round Three:

Nearly an hour has passed and no actual dancing at the dance :( I grow impatient, BUT, still lack the guts to approach a guy, particularly the guy: Cute Christian.

A.K.A. no one wins this round

Round Four:

I stand in a group of girls (4 of us) on the edge of the dance floor. We are talking as two guys approach, one of which is the Cute Christian. He asks one of the other girls to dance. Ouch. Fortunately, that blow was softened by the fact that I was asked to dance by the other guy. John Mayer's "Slow Dancin' in a Burnin' Room" played in the background; It was pretty nice, I'm not gonna lie :)

A.K.A. Southern Belle wins this round; Feminist is placated for the time being

SIDE NOTE: Nerves and dancing increase my heart rate and body temperature; my turtle-necked sweater dress and tights are stifling. I begin to sweat. No good for either the Southern Belle or the Feminist. After debating with my girlfriends, I decide it is necessary and acceptable to run to the restroom to remove my tights. Though the Southern Belle in me is a bit bashful for removing an article of clothing at a public event and the Feminist in me is not pleased that my slacking off on the shaving in this cold weather is reinforcing the "hairy" stereotype I so disagree with, it was a good move on the whole and I start to chill, literally and figuratively.

Round Five:

Cute Christian approaches me and my German Girlfriend to dance; she tries to sit out (knowing my affection for him) but I grab for her as he grabs for me and I leap at the opportunity to grab his hand; I am slow to let go of it as we reach the dance floor...

A.K.A. Southern Belle wins this one!!!

Round Six:

I am terribly awkward as this song is a bump and grind one (not what a Southern Belle will dance to!) and I attempt to talk instead of dance. This is a huge failure as the music is too loud to allow for a conversation. I flail awkwardly in what could hardly qualify as dancing.

A.K.A. Southern Belle takes a blow, hard.

Round Seven:

I realize that I need to talk to the DJ. I request a shag/swing dance, something that I can at least fake the moves to without feeling violated. My initiative proves fruitful and he selects a swing song for the playlist.

A.K.A. Feminist is kicking it into gear and wins that round

Round Eight:

As the song begins, I linger for a moment, scanning the room for Cute Christian in hopes that he will ask me to dance. After a minute or so, I forget that and gain a new determination. This is a song I can actually dance to, danget. I will dance. Period. The Twin is nearby and I ask him to dance. He eagerly approaches but says he doesn't know how to and I say "Well , fake it til you can make it."

A.K.A. Feminist's fists are flying

Round Nine:

The Twin and I finish "dancing" by mimicking others on the floor and laughing all the way; it is great fun. As that song ends, I pass him along to my German Girlfriend who says "I don't know how to dance swing" to which I responded "Neither does he but go have fun!" They do so as I scan the room yet again for Cute Christian but before I get to him I see the Redhead. He stands as I did earlier, expectantly at the edge of the dance floor. "Would you like to dance?" I ask. He says yes and again we fake more than we make of the actual dance but it was a ton of fun!!!

A.K.A. *boom,* *boom,* *boom,* Southern Belle is getting knocked out

Round Ten:

A slow song comes on and the Southern Belle in me yet again scans for Cute Christian. He is not in sight so the Feminist in me sees the High Guy hanging nearby. I ask him to dance and he takes me up on it. We dance for the final 4 songs of the night. He was an interesting and forgiving partner as I even tried to muster up some moves for some rap songs. At one point we were even the only couple on the dance floor (quite possibly our moves scared them away!) but if they had a hit, they'd probably be a bit more unihibited like him and more accepting of my awful attempts at dancing. But, we had fun ;)

A.K.A. Southern Belle is down for the count

Wrap-up:

Sadly, I never got to dance with Cute Christian BUT I did get to dance.

This is because I quit waiting.

Perhaps I could have waited longer and he would have asked me again but my guess would be no. Of course, I could have gone to ask him and maybe I should have but... easier said than done, hence my epic internal struggle. Perhaps he has a similar struggle and that explains why he never approached me again. That won't ever be clear.

One thing that is clear is that when I gave up my Southern Belle's antiquated notion of waiting for the guy to come pursue me, I asked the guys. They were so grateful to dance and I believe we all had a lot more fun at that point, actually dancing at a dance party! I always tend to wait too long to get to that point where the Feminist takes charge.

I guess I fear it can be intimidating or emasculating for the guys... or maybe just hard for me. Keep in mind, I have only carried this out in smaller settings like going to dances or initiating conversations, etc. and have not yet given up my Southern Belle ideology for dating. But, I'm starting to get impatient, as I did at the dance, and now I wonder if dating could be a lot more fun if I would just get up the guts to ask a guy out...

Just a Little School Update :)

A new year, a new semester, new opportunities.

I love to learn and I am super excited about my classes. I will likely be sharing fun facts or interesting topics that are brought to my attention in my classes cause they are just that cool, trust me.

So, here is a little school update:

1. The class I am MOST excited about is The History of Fashion and Manners. We will be covering the beginning of man until today - just a little bit intimidating, just a lil bit ;) My teacher, I believe, is a Feminist but she wears fashionable clothes, does her hair and her makeup. It is very encouraging to see someone who looks like me but also THINKS like me too :) Also, we have a guy in the class; he isn't even gay. I look forward to his input and to see if he had a motive involving finding a date when he signed up for this class. Most boys I mention it to are disgusted and would prefer a needle in the eye to this tedious coursework.
2. Another cool class is Gender and Communication. I have taken this before so now I am serving as a Teaching Assistant. My professor is fantastic and a feminist and I am really thankful I have the chance to be around her another semester.
3. I'm also excited about Sociology. It will help me understand all of these social institutions I have realized influence gender identity so much.
4. Human Sexuality will be interesting... to say the least. This is, of course, my class with the most boys in it because that is my luck in life. This is, also, the class where my professor began the first day by discussing a clitoris, masturbation, and the G-spot. Yes, my Southern manners and modesty will influence my participation while in this class - primarily in turning my pale face blood red during a lot of the discussion. However, I think it will be a great challenge for me to be more open with my sexuality and discussion of some of these issues. I have progressed to being able to say "penis" and "vagina" instead of "potty spot" thanks to my previous Women's and Gender classes so I feel confident that new growth awaits me this semester ;)
5. I am also taking Communication Research Methods (not excited but it is required)

So those are the topics I will be exposed to regularly this semester and likely will strongly influence my postings. I hope they'll be just as interesting to you as they are to me...

Dating… or lack thereof: Balancing being a Southern Belle and Feminist AND single

For those of you who don’t know, the College of Charleston girl-to-guy ratio is very slanted – in the boys’ favor. This amounts to a very competitive dating scene and the boys have their pick of the litter.

Being a Southern Belle, I like to say that I have too much clothes and too much class to attract the attention of any guys on this campus. However, I was hoping my Junior year (this year), the boys would begin to settle down and be more interested in a wholesome girl like myself and ready for a relationship rather than just a good time.

It seems I was too hopeful. So now I am in a bit of a predicament, due almost entirely to a lack of patience ;) I would love to date but I don’t quite know how to go about it. The Southern Belle in me feels the guy should make the first move. I often reference the movie “He’s Just Not that Into You” which is basically my dating tutorial now. In the movie, the male lead repeatedly tells the girl “If a guy wants to make it happen, he’ll make it happen.”

Though I like the clarity that this dating stance would provide, I am very underwhelmed at the boys ability to make it happen. This is where the Feminist in me emerges. I say to heck with waiting; if I want to make it happen, I’ll make it happen. But then, you risk seeming desperate, promiscuous, or just plain pesky.

So here I am, balancing being a Southern Belle and Feminist and SINGLE. Any advice is welcomed ;)