Updates from my Arkansas Family Wedding: Truth IS stranger than fiction

My only girl cousin - Mary Beth - got married this past weekend and it was the MOST EPIC wedding I have ever heard of. I was honored when she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids but I didn't know what all I was getting myself into ;)

To begin with, this wedding started off a little Redneck from the get-go because of 3 reasons:

1. It was a destination wedding but not to Cancun or the Bahamas like many of my friends guessed when they heard I was going. Nope, it was a destination wedding to (drum-roll please!).... Arkansas. When my friends heard this they asked "Why!?! What the heck is in Arkansas?" I tried to assure them that the destination - Hot Springs - was actually quite lovely but they were suspicious, still thinkin' it would be a little country. I told them that no, we would not be duck hunting after they got hitched and we would not be wearing camo down the aisle but they didn't quite believe me.
2. The wedding was happening on Halloween weekend so this conjured up strange ideas in my friends' minds of wedding decor even less classy than camo... something like cob-webs or skeletons hanging around. I am happy to report, though, that the wedding was very classy with ivory and purple decorations and only happened to fall on Halloween weekend; the bride and groom were not obsessed and doing some spooky-themed wedding!
3. One of the bridesmaids (the bride's sister-in-law) was pregnant... AND had a black eye. No worries - there isn't any domestic violence going on; she just slipped in the kitchen and caught her eye on the counter but, obviously, this looks bad when you have a battered and pregnant bridesmaid!

And then the Redneckyness just ratcheted itself up alllll weekend long as everything unfolded at the wedding. Below, you'll find the text updates I sent to my friends throughout the weekend that document the whole drama:

Thursday, October 27th

This first text was sent within minutes of my family picking me up. My uncle (the father of the bride) just nonchalantly said this as he shared the game-plan for our afternoon...

3:07 pm - "We gotta pick up a keg." - my Uncle Russell            

And after we had the keg loaded up, another memorable quote from my uncle...

3:32 pm -  Now we need to run to Walmart. Yea, we need to pick up a tree. Oh and we need a goat.

These were props for his speech at the wedding. He never got the goat but he found a HUGE tree (it was so tall that it bent over at the top where it hit the ceiling) because it tied into a story from Mary Beth's childhood. The whole thing was really cute, I promise! 

 

Friday, October 28th

7:20 pm - Wedding update.... Good news: my dress and shoes fit! Bad news: guess who is walking me down the aisle? The one GAY groomsman. Yep. My luck ;)

And within 5 minutes of meeting me, he tells me that he is gay, that he cheated on his boyfriend who then decided to break up with him. That, he said, was why he was drinking heavily but he hoped they''d get back together. 

However, by the end of the weekend his ex-boyfriend was already in a new relationship so the gay groomsman lost all hope and increased his drinking - so much so that he literally fell down the stairs. 

10:58 pm - So the rehearsal dinner ended with the Maid of Honor stumbling drunk calling another guest a stripper... and she apparently really IS!?! Plus, there is a prostitute present too. I wish I was making this up. I feel like I'm living in a Jerry Springer episode!?!

When the bride tried to speak with her to tell her to quit drinking and get her self together, things got physical. She cussed out the bride and threw her phone across the hotel lobby and broke something. There was shoving and screaming and crying.

Also, the pastor's wife and groom's grandmother saw ALL of this. 

The Best Man and baby-daddy to the Maid of Honor's kid (who was the ring bearer) intervened and broke up the fight. 

Saturday, October 29th -

THE WEDDING DAY!!!

12:01 am - The. Cops. Came. 
                   The Maid of Honor has been kicked out of the wedding. 
                   No lie.

6 cops (!?!) came up to our suite because of the incident in the lobby and nearly arrested the Maid of Honor. She was crying and upset AND she was in the room with the wedding gown and her bridesmaid dress. 

We were worried she might do something to destroy it so the bride's brother's girlfriend (known as "Little Bit"" because she is not even 5 feet and probably about 90 pounds) just marched in there and rescued the dresses before they could be harmed. She is now known as  "Sassy Pants" for her gutsyness.

The ex-Maid of Honor was so upset that she tried to walk home (barefooted without a phone since it broke when she threw it in the lobby) to Oklahoma from Arkansas!?! We ultimately got her back in the hotel and moved her to another room. 

Then they were concerned she might crash the wedding so my daddy was put on stand-by as potential security to stand at the doors during the wedding. However, before my daddy had to do that, the baby-daddy arranged for the ex-Maid of Honor to get a ride home after the bride decided this drama was too much. 
  
12:36 am - K, another update: more good news.... I got a promotion. Yours truly is now the Maid of Honor. I guess I have to whip up a speech now???

In addition to my promotion, the groom's sister was promoted to bridesmaid and - by some miracle - the ex-Maid of Honor's dress fit. This seemed right anyways for her - as family - to be included in the bridal party so everything worked out how we felt it should have always been.

..................................

Then we went to bed to try and rest after all of that!
And the wedding went off without a hitch :) No one cried - except for the gay groomsman. 

6:04 pm - Final (?) wedding update: I didn't trip and the speech was alright so everything went  well... EXCEPT my bouquet caught on fire. Yep. Can't wait to share ALL the details ;)

Ok. I was perhaps having too much fun with these updates at this point. I admit, that one was a bit misleading. My bouquet really did catch on fire but not as I was walking down the aisle. Instead, it happened while we were all sitting down for dinner at the reception. The bride said,  "Sarah! Your bouquet is burning!" and sure enough, the candle below the vase it was resting in began to burn the flowers. It left a 2 or 3 inch black, charred hole in the bottom of the ivory hydrangea bouquet :/
 
10:21 pm - Spoke too soon. Another update: on the way home, my cousin's car got hit by a deer. Good God almighty!!!

Fortunately, she is ok, though the car isn't. It was just ridiculous and so redneck. I mean you cannot make this stuff up!?!

As the night wound down, we ended up in the lobby where there was live music and all sorts of crazy drunk people dressed in costumes for Halloween; this all added to the bizareness of all that had happened with our wedding party. 

And the groom's mom had a bit too much to drink and ended up ordering a round of "buttery nipples" for the bride's family; now that is a kind gesture but if that isn't the most awkward drink title I've ever heard of, I don't know what is! 

Sunday, October 30th

12:18 pm - The wedding is over but I have another update that I found when helping everyone load up the cars. This was a wedding gift for the bride and groom. It is a "dictionary" book safe, complete with a pistol. I am NOT making this up, hence this photographic evidence ;)

I have no words. The picture speaks for itself. 


1:15 pm - So final (for real???) Arkansas wedding update: we had too many people and too many things for everything to fit in the truck. So, leaving for the airport, my youngest cousin - bless him - had to ride in the BACK of the truck. This picture is him packed in beside the keg in the truck-bed! THE END!!!!!!!!!!!

Yea, so... epic, right?


All in all, though, it was a beautiful wedding and they are happily married on their honeymoon right now so all is well that ends well :) 

I Live in the Greatest Place on Earth... Well Almost!

It is a bit of technicality: I actually live in the 3rd greatest place on earth according to Travelers.  

Yes, believe it or not, Charleston, SC was recently named the 3rd best city. In the world. Awesome!

I've had the pleasure of living here for the last 4 years while attending the College of Charleston.

Fortunately, I've been able to stick around post graduation and now I'm thinking I may never leave because in addition to being voted the 3rd best city on earth, we were named the BEST CITY in America. Yes. Also awesome :)

And, as if that wasn't enough, we've been voted the city with the most attractive people in the U.S.

But, don't worry, we aren't letting all of that get to our heads and turning up our noses at everyone else because Charleston has regularly been voted America's most mannerly city. 

And here are a few other rankings.

Obviously, this is the best place a Southern Belle could be :)

If you'd like to come see for yourself: http://www.expedia.com/

Rooting for the Underdog/dolphin... and other precious animal videos

“Never tell a young person that anything cannot be done. God may have been waiting centuries for someone ignorant enough of the impossible to do that very thing.” 

                                                                                          - G. M. Trevelyan 


This weekend I saw Dolphin Tale, the story of a young person who did the impossible.

It was one of the most heart-warming movies I have seen in a loooonggg time... all about the story of an underdog, er... underdolphin beating the odds and learning how to swim and live without a tail. All because one little boy believed in her and loved her.

Soo cute.

I highly recommend the movie but, if you can't wait until then, see the amazing dolphin here.



And if that wasn't heartwarming enough, check out these other adorable animal videos :)

1. Otters Holding Hands. Gah! So freakin cute.... you must wait until the end and watch for the kiss!!! 

 

2. Cat Hugs Kitten. I am totally a dog person and have never owned a cat, but still, this is super sweet. 

  

3. The Sneezing Panda. Only 16 seconds long but long enough to make you smile :) 

I hope this brightened your day!

Now go save a dolphin or hug a kitten or something else precious like that ; )

Nobel Laureate Ladies - a select group

This year, for the first time since 2004, the Nobel Prize was awarded to a woman... to 3 in fact.

Before 2011, (the award began in 1901) only "40 of the total 776 Peace Prize winners have been women in the past, and no three women have ever won the prize together"(1).

So who were these newest 3 to join the select group of Nobel Laureate Ladies?

Ellen Johnson Sirleaf - "the first and only democratically elected female head of state in Africa. She founded the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in 2006, which investigated 20 years of civil war and human rights violations in Liberia" (1)

 

Leymah Gbowee - "also active in achieving peace in Liberia. As the founder of the Women of Liberia Mass Action for Peace, she became a non-violent force against civil war" (1)

 

Tawakkul Karman - "a human rights activist and politician in Yemen, a country currently experiencing a large-scale popular movement against the government. Karman organized student rallies in the capital of Sanaa, after which she was arrested. When she was released, she immediately went back to protesting." (1)

 

They were awarded the 1.5 million dollars to support their efforts towards peace because of  "their non-violent struggle for the safety of women and for women's rights to full participation in peace-building work" (2). 

 

But women (and men) can win the Nobel Prize for efforts in science and literature as well as working towards peace. 

 

Here's info on the other 40 women who came before these 3 ladies.

Hopefully that number will grow in the future to be a bit more balanced with the boys but, until then, keep your eye on Sirleaf, Gbowee and Karman in their efforts to elevate peace and women throughout the world...

Wannabe Homemaker in Need of a Handyman...

This is not a personal ad - I promise ;)

BUT, it is a plea.

Gah! It has been soooooooo long since I last posted. I was figuring now that I am out of school, I'd have all of this extra time to write more posts than ever before but... yea, clearly not :/

So what have I been up to? Other than not blogging, obviously ;)

I have been trying to balance 2 jobs, socializing, learning to cook, and finishing moving in to my new place. Plus, I've been trying my hand at homemaking.

While I am happy to report that I am catching on to this whole cooking thing, I am afraid to say that I am failing at the homemaking thing. Well, that might not be quite true: I try to keep things tidy and I have decorated things all matchy-matchy in a cute color scheme BUT I had an epic failure recently:

I was trying to sew some curtains. See, the problem here is that I just bit off more than I could chew... I got a bit too big for my Betty Crocker britches. The Southern Belle in me thought I could handle this. Wrong.

I had the fabric cut and the hem pinned but I couldn't get the sewing machine to work. With the help of a friend I got the machine up and running but then I couldn't get the stitching to work. Stitches were dropped and it just became a tangled mess, clogging up the machine and frustrating me beyond belief. After blowing some steam at the gym I came back and still no luck - not then.... or the next day. Or the next day :(

Perhaps, I'll revoke my previous post...? 

My curtains still sit in the corner :(

I am going to the person I borrowed the machine from tomorrow in hopes that she can help me and give me a lesson in how to be be a real homemaker. Or at least how to be a seamstress!


But that's not all. 

I need a handyman.

I had another recent fail. The Feminist in me doesn't want to admit it. I was trying to be all Miss Independent BUT technology outdid me :(

I bought a universal remote for my tv and thought I could figure it out easy enough. Just read the directions... right? I mean, I have a college degree now, afterall ;)

Unfortunately, my college degree was no good. I spent an hour mashing buttons and inputting codes and reading every single word in the flippin' instructions.

All to no avail.

No matter what I did, the remote wouldn't work. And, to make matters worse, there is no 1-800 customer service number to call. Yes, that should have been red flag number one. But I missed it. Now I'm left with ineffective instructions, no working remote and the urge to throw my remote at my tv.

Sooooooo, I'm in search of a handyman to help me out ;)

I admit my inadequacy in the sewing and technology departments but hopefully soon enough that will change! 

Stereotypes: Terrorism, Feminism and Classical Music

Stereotypes

Stereotypes suck because they limit people - both those doing the stereotyping and those being stereotyped - because stereotypes build boxes that keep people in... and out.

These boxes block off potential - the potential for that person in your eyes and maybe in their own eyes of who they are and can become.

Take, for example, when we stereotype blondes as dumb: we lose the potential knowledge they could share because we write them off as ignorant AND they might lose the potential to believe they can be brainier because they live up to the dumb blonde stereotype.

Terrorism

But, given today's mark in history as the 10th anniversary of the September 11th attacks, I'm sure a different stereotype comes to mind for many of us:

Racial profiling that "Muslim" = "terrorist"

This became so common that this t-shirt was created:

Countless stereotypes exist about Muslims, especially in the media in relation to terrorism. However, according to NBC news, a " 2009 [Pew Research Center] study, Muslims in the United States are much more likely to say that suicide bombings are never justified in defense of Islam than Muslims in other countries. Almost eight in 10 American Muslims say that such attacks are never defensible, compared to 70 percent of Muslims in Britain, 64 percent of Muslims in France, and just 17 percent of Muslims who live in the Palestinian territory."

So, perhaps more Americans should resist the urge to judge a book by its cover... or a person by his or her religion. 

Feminism

I have been judged by my religion before. Countless feminists have been horrified and even in disbelief that I am not only Christian but Baptist. Many people think "Baptist" and "Feminist" cannot be one in the same but, for me they are because my faith is empowering not oppressive. 

Beyond being Baptist, though, I am often judged by my "cover" or appearance because I don't look like the typical stereotype of a feminist: manly, hairy, no bra, etc. (And, for the record, most feminists don't look like that!)

But most people who operate under those stereotypes, would probably never look at me and guess I'm a feminist. I actually look very mainstream... more like a brunette Barbie than say, Andrea Dworkin. 

And, I get judged for that ALL the time...

I have interacted with people who see me dressed in pink or florals or high high heels and assume I am vapid, materialistic and shallow. Then, I open my mouth and I can literally see an expression shoot across their face when they are surprised to see that I am reasonably intelligent and have something of value to add to the conversation.

But because the cover of my book is more like Barbie, I am boxed into a stereotype when in reality I just enjoy fashion after having endured uniforms for years in high school. It just so happens that instead of being emo/goth/grunge or some other counter-culture look, my fashion sense is undeniably and even excessively feminine... very Southern Belle you might say ;)

But, just like being Baptist empowers me, so does my femininity. I feel no need to hide the fact that I am a woman and I have absolutely no desire to look like a man.... I just happen to enjoy wearing skirts, makeup and perfume. This Southern Belle image I have, however, does not reduce my desire to learn, lead, or do anything else I set my mind to. 

Classical Music

Just to end on a fun note after this rather serious post, here is another person who looks a little different and shatters a stereotype while doing so :)

What do you think of when you think classical music? 

Nerdy guy, no fashion sense, elevator music? I have to admit, I sometimes boxed classical musicians into a stereotype similar to that : / 

However, a friend of mine recently introduced me to David Garret. Is it bad that I was hooked before I even heard him play??? ;) 

Anyways, he is from Germany and one of the fastest violinists in the world AND he modernizes the music by playing current songs... like Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal: 

He has many more songs that might change the way you think about classical music :)

We may not all struggle with boxing in or being boxed in by these particular stereotypes of terrorist, feminist or classical music but we all face stereotypes. 

Next time you're about to judge someone by their appearance...

think OUTSIDE the box...

and let them show you who they truly are, even if who they truly are seems as incompatible as a Southern Belle (Baptist) Feminist :)

Ramblings on Running and Runners

Running.

I don't think I can quite call myself a "runner" but a "walker" sounds slightly lame ;)

And the truth is I do both.

It all depends on my mood... and the humidity.

I have a love/hate relationship with running. Often in the heat, I hate it so it has been difficult to get runs in this summer.

Generally in the hotter months, I prefer to bike - that way you get built in AC :)

However, now that I have moved back to Charleston, I am afraid to bike: I am fairly certain I would die in the traffic so biking is too much of a risk.

Plus, I no longer have access to a gym. I used to visit the on-campus gym for free but now that I'm out of college and paying my own bills, I haven't broken down to pay for a gym membership... yet.

This left running as my best option.

It's just that love/hate thing that I was going to try to explain  UNTIL I found this that captured precisely what I wanted to say.

So, in this post, I decided to try to motivate myself - and hopefully even some of you - by sharing about 3 AWESOME runners.

1. Derek Redmond - Check out this inspiring example of perseverance from the 1992 Olympics...

A play by play is described here and it is awesome to hear about how Derek Redmond just didn't give up. Humidity can stop me but a popped hamstring didn't stop this guy.

His story was so inspiring that it even made it into a country song ;) Or that is what I choose to believe when  I saw Garth Brook's "Standing Outside the Fire" that was released a year after Redmond's race:

2. Dick Hoyt - the dad that runs for his son

Known as Team Hoyt, this father/son running duo is incredible.

3. Oscar Pistorius - aka Blade Runner banned from the Olympics

This guy's story is perhaps the most impressive. He has NO legs. But he still runs.

He lost his legs at a young age but learned to run using metal legs. He was trying out for the Olympics when they decided to ban him for an "unfair advantage"!?! No lie.

This story was so ridiculous that even comedian Katt Williams had to capitalize on it. Please excuse the profanity but  he makes the point well:

So, as Katt Williams says, the next time you think you're havin a bad day (or a bad run) just remember poor lil tink tink and these other awesome runners:

If they can do it, then we can too :)