Southern Belle Slip-up: On Doors and Attitude

Letting the door fall in someone's face is not an action; it is an attitude. 

                                                                                      - Cindy Grosso

So I had a little slip-up recently, in addition to not posting in a long time - sorry about that; my summer job has been keeping me busy!

But, my slip-up involved doors and attitude. 

I was heading into the post office to buy stamps and some envelopes.Here is what unfolded:

An older woman was maybe a foot in front of me and then a middle-aged woman was at my heels and the three of us walked in together - all through the door in less than 30 seconds.

I was lost in my thinking, trying to tally up how many stamps I needed and what size envelopes would fit the different items I was about to mail out, etc. etc. That mental concentration was broken when I heard this:

"You coulda said thank you.  [And then louder] You coulda said thank you!"

The older woman had stopped about three feet in the door while I had veered hard to the right to complete my mission in search of those stamps and envelopes. I turned around, startled to realize she was speaking to me. She continued:

"Yes, you. You coulda said thank you. Young lady, you are so rude and ungrateful -"

I must stop to interject for y'all a little explanation. I was born and bred in South Carolina and my Mama and Daddy raised me right: I know my manners and I use them. Or I thought I did.

In confusion and embarrassment, I listened on (along with about 10 others in the store who now noticed as the older woman had raised her voice):

"Next time I'll just let the door slam in your face. Can't believe you didn't say thank you. So rude."

The poor woman who had come in behind me - and I might add did not say thank you either - stood between myself and the older woman like a deer in the headlights. Furthermore, just about the entire room was now staring at all of this unfolding.

The whole situation had AWKWARD written all over it!

But I had slipped up.

In an attempt to smooth things over gracefully, I stuttered out an "I'm sorry" and "thank you for holding the door" though my gut reaction might have involved something a little less polite ;)

Being called out like that made me feel like I had failed in my Southern Belle ways. 

I had not realized she had really gone out of her way to hold the door open or I would have said something. Ordinarily, when anyone lingers to hold open a door or steps aside and lets me enter first or something a little more obvious like that, I never fail to thank them.

In fact, I even do those things for others - female, male, old, young, black, white. It doesn't matter.

I always try to hold open the door for others, especially after I heard the introductory quote:

Letting the door fall in someone's face is not an action; it is an attitude. 

                                                                                 - Cindy Grosso 

Cindy Grosso from the Charleston School of Etiquette and Protocol lead an event in table manners for a leadership group I was a part of. And she was legit; she has even been on Dr. Phil ;)

But, honestly, more than the table manners, the biggest thing that struck me in her presentation was that side comment about the doors; I'm ashamed to say I can hardly remember how to use all the utensils BUT I do often remember that quote about the doors.

As she explained, if you cannot take 5 seconds out of your day to linger and hold the door for someone, that says a lot about your arrogance and self-absorption but also of how little you think of that person behind you.

It truly is an attitude more than an action to snub someone by letting a door fall in their face.

As for my situation, I just can't help but wonder what Ms. Grosso would have to say about the woman who caused the commotion with me in the post office... and her attitude.

Regardless, that moment in the post office now joins the lesson I learned at  my leadership event. Though I was going in for a completely different thing - stamps and envelopes - I came out with something unexpected  seared into my memory:

the lesson that one should ALWAYS say "thank you" when someone holds the door cause you never know what attitude you might get otherwise!