Barbie Syndrome... even for boys

I have a love/hate relationship with Barbie.

I do like her, believe me. I had what would probably be considered too many Barbie things growing up:

• I had a small army of nearly 50 (k, maybe that is an exaggeration... 30?) Barbies - men, women, even retro ones - some of my aunts' dolls from the 70s that my Granny kept. 

• Then there was the hot pink, remote-controlled convertible. Oh yes! 

• And, the crowning glory: my 3-story, bright pink Barbie Dream-House complete with an elevator and a cat that purred from the kitchen sink windowsill. No lie.

My Barbies - even just one - provided endless hours of entertainment. 


And they also provided 

the breeding ground for body and beauty insecurities. 

For me and nearly every other girl in America.

It is no surprise really.

BARBIE WAS THE TOP-SELLING TOY IN THE 20th CENTURY!?! (1)

So she affected a lot of girls. But not in a good way.

Check out this comparison of the average woman and Barbie: (1)

                      Height:             5'4"                            6'

                Weight:            145 lbs.                      101 lbs. 

                Dress Size:       11-14                          4 

                Bust:                 36-37"                        39"

                Waist:               29-31"                        19"

                Hips:                 40-42"                       33"

Frightening right?

A more accurate Barbie might look like this: 

But would we still play with her? Want to dress her up? 

I think there should be a balance between unattainable beauty standards but also health. I'm not sure that the above picture strikes that balance but it certainly does make a point: 

Barbies don't look like real women. 

This is being dubbed "Barbie Syndrome."(1)

The odd thing is that it has started to affect boys as well. 

It seems their dolls (excuse me: "action figures"), have set some pretty high body standards as well. 

"Male action figures have grown increasingly muscular over the years. GI Joes, for example, have biceps that are twice as large as those of a typical man and larger than those of any known bodybuilder. These action figures (and comic strip heroes) put boys at risk of developing the 'Barbie Syndrome' - unrealistic expectations for their bodies. As a result, some researchers maintain, increasing numbers of men are becoming preoccupied with working out and taking dangerous drugs such as anabolic steroids" (1) emphasis added

Good, maybe people will pay attention to the problem now. 

Don't get me wrong, I still wear pink and high heels and I wouldn't mind driving a pink convertible around BUT I'd like to do that without worrying about blowing away in the wind because I don't weigh enough to be fully human and healthy. 

Also, I'd love for my future daughter one day to have a Barbie Dream-House and all that I had but 

my hope is that...

her Barbies will provide a realistic body image. 

Further, I hope that her Barbie will be arriving at her Dream-House, getting back from some fabulous job where she will be far too busy planning exciting, intelligent and more important things than to have to waste brain energy worrying over whether her business suit makes her butt look big or something shallow like that.

(1) These notes were taken from my textbook: Marriages & Families: Changes, Choices, and Constraints by Nijole V. Benokraitis, 7th ed, 2011,  p 116-117

Death by Wallpaper and Flooring: What am I going to do with my life?

What am I going to do with my life?

I hear that question in my own head almost hourly and out of someone else's mouth at least once a day.

Whether from a friend or a parent, a teacher or a classmate, even strangers. It is just the go-to question when anyone is talking to a Senior: "What are your plans after you graduate?"

Not like what are you doing tonight or this weekend. Not even what are you doing in a year but -

What are you doing with... YOUR LIFE. 

It can be panic inducing.

Especially if you don't have a precise answer.

But, I do have somewhat of an answer, at least by process of elimination:

I don't want death by wallpaper and flooring.

Let me explain :)

Thanks to my good friend Matthew who lent me his book, I have started reading Drops Like Stars by Rob Bell.

The book flows so well in a random but well-connected way and the visuals are absolutely fantastic. As a result, I won't be able to do his presentation of the material much justice but here's an excerpt:

In the movie Old School, Will Ferrel plays a married, thirty-something-year-old suburban man who finds himself at a college party.

When he's offered a drink, he declines, saying,

"I have a big day tomorrow." 

When he's asked, "Doing what?" he responds, "Well, um... actually, a pretty nice little Saturday. We're gonna go to Home Depot, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed Bath and Beyond... I don't know. I don't know if we'll have enough time..."

Why is is that everyone I know who's seen that movie remembers that scene? Obviously people remember it because it's funny. But there's far more going on in the scene that just going to Home Depot on a Saturday. 

 This man in this movie is bored. 

He has the life that is often portrayed as the ideal - a wife, a house, a job, security, comfort, privilege, freedom - and yet it's left him bored, numb, and in a low-grade state of despair. His "success" has actually served to distract him from just how deeply unsatisfied he is with his life.

I assume none of us want to starve or be shot at or lose someone we love, but it's possible to die a sort of death at the other end of the spectrum as well, isn't it?

If we aren't careful, our success and security and abundance can lead to a certain sort of boredom, a numbing predictability, a paralyzing indifference that comes from being too comfortable.

 Death by wallpaper and flooring (p 39).

Yes, so for now, that at least is my answer to this ever-present and pressuring question: "What am I going to do with this life?"

I am going to LIVE, live in such a way that I won't suffer death by wallpaper and flooring.

I hope you're able to do the same.

One Entire Day without Rape

What I would like to do is to scream: and in that scream I would have the screams of the raped, and the sobs of the battered; and even worse, in the center of that scream I would have the deafening sound of women's silence, that silence into which we are born because we are women and in which most of us die.

And if there would be a plea or a question or a human address in that scream, it would be this: why are you so slow? Why are you so slow to understand the simplest things; not the complicated ideological things. You understand those. The simple things. The cliches. Simply that women are human to precisely the degree and quality that you are.

And also: that we do not have time. We women. We don't have forever. Some of us don't have another week or another day to take time for you to discuss whatever it is that will enable you to go out into those streets and do something. We are very close to death. All women are. And we are very close to rape and we are very close to beating. And we are inside a system of humiliation from which there is no escape for us. We use statistics not to try to quantify the injuries, but to convince the world that those injuries even exist. Those statistics are not abstractions. It is easy to say, "Ah, the statistics, somebody writes them up one way and somebody writes them up another way." That's true. But I hear about the rapes one by one by one by one by one, which is also how they happen. Those statistics are not abstract to me. Every three minutes a woman is being raped. Every eighteen seconds a woman is being beaten. There is nothing abstract about it. It is happening right now as I am speaking.

                                               - Andrea Dworkin, quoted again at the end of this post

I recently feared rape myself. Not in the every day underlying fear but in a specific situation. And at that moment, I had another boxing match between the Southern Belle in me and the Feminist. Generally, both of those points of view blend beautifully but this past weekend, they each took a corner in the boxing ring, ready to battle it out.

I was planning to study with a male classmate for an upcoming test. We had established in class as well as via text message days before that we were going to meet in the library.

Less than an hour before we were to meet, he sent me a text asking if I'd rather meet him in a different building because "it was quiet and there was no one around."

Guys, I'm sure you would not even hesitate, oblivious to any reason for concern. Girls, the wheels of "What if" are probably already turning in your mind. Here's what mine sounded like:

Feminist: that seems odd... why the last minute change? The library is just across the street.

Southern Belle: oh, no need to make a mountain out of a molehill.

So, the Southern Belle in me texted back saying, "Sure, where should I meet you?"

He responded with "On the second floor, down a long hall."

The Feminist in me was like: "last minute location change + no one around + long, isolated hall = rape waiting to happen"

The Southern Belle's rebuttal was "Oh, don't be silly. I mean he seems nice right? I'm sure he wouldn't do that."

"Ha," the Feminist responds, "famous last words. I'm sure that is what every girl thinks right before she is raped."

The Southern Belle in me begins to agree, recalling my previous post on rape where I found that 83% of rapists are known to their victims and their attackers often include classmates.

Ultimately, however, the NERD in me won.

I needed to study so after allowing the Feminist to text a few friends a heads up on the situation and allowing the Southern Belle to send up a quick prayer, I met my study buddy down the long, dark hall and saw not a single other soul while I was in there.

Was this a dumb move? I like to think of myself as a pretty smart girl usually but this scenario left me perplexed and unsure if I was making a smart decision.

Was the Feminist in me over-reacting? I thought no since this is literally the kind of thing I have read about for the last 4 years of college!

I am happy to report that not a thing happened. As the Southern Belle assumed, this guy was totally nice and not a threat at all.

But, what if I had been wrong? Back to that previous blog post of mine, EVERY 7 MINUTES a woman is raped in America.

Guys, if you're still reading, do you understand why girls have this internal mental boxing match over something as simple as a study buddy session?

We. Are. Not. Over-Reacting.

Rape is a real threat.

Though I have not been raped, I have several friends who have been. I've heard their stories and their tears.

But it could be you or your sister or your mother or your girlfriend or your daughter or your grandmother.

Any. Woman.

1 in 4 women will be raped. 

But it can be stopped.

Andrea Dworkin gave a speech in which she simply asked for a


Twenty-Four-Hour Truce During Which There Is No Rape. 

That was back in 1983.

She gave this gutsy speech to an audience full of men. I relate to so much of it and suggest you read the whole thing but here are some excerpts I really appreciate: 

As a feminist, I carry the rape of all the women I've talked to over the past ten years personally with me. As a woman, I carry my own rape with me. Do you remember pictures that you've seen of European cities during the plague, when there were wheelbarrows that would go along and people would just pick up corpses and throw them in? Well, that is what it is like knowing about rape. Piles and piles and piles of bodies that have whole lives and human names and human faces.

I speak for many feminists, not only myself, when I tell you that I am tired of what I know and sad beyond any words I have about what has already been done to women up to this point, now, up to 2:24 p.m. on this day, here in this place.

And I want one day of respite, one day off, one day in which no new bodies are piled up, one day in which no new agony is added to the old, and I am asking you to give it to me. And how could I ask you for less--it is so little. And how could you offer me less: it is so little. Even in wars, there are days of truce. Go and organize a truce. Stop your side for one day. I want a twenty-four-hour truce during which there is no rape.

And, 

men come to me or to other feminists and say: "What you're saying about men isn't true. It isn't true of me. I don't feel that way. I'm opposed to all of this."

And I say: don't tell me. Tell the pornographers. Tell the pimps. Tell the warmakers. Tell the rape apologists and the rape celebrationists and the pro-rape ideologues. Tell the novelists who think that rape is wonderful. Tell Larry Flynt. Tell Hugh Hefner. There's no point in telling me. I'm only a woman. There's nothing I can do about it. These men presume to speak for you. They are in the public arena saying that they represent you. If they don't, then you had better let them know...

It's not enough to find some traveling feminist on the road and go up to her and say: "Gee, I hate it."

Say it to your friends who are doing it. And there are streets out there on which you can say these things loud and dear, so as to affect the actual institutions that maintain these abuses. You don't like pornography? I wish I could believe it's true. I will believe it when I see you on the streets. I will believe it when I see an organized political opposition. I will believe it when pimps go out of business because there are no more male consumers.

And, I leave you with this: 

I dare you to try it. I demand that you try it. I don't mind begging you to try it. What else could you possibly be here to do? What else could this movement possibly mean? What else could matter so much?

And on that day, that day of truce, that day when not one woman is raped, we will begin the real practice of equality, because we can't begin it before that day. Before that day it means nothing because it is nothing: it is not real; it is not true. But on that day it becomes real. And then, instead of rape we will for the first time in our lives--both men and women--begin to experience freedom... For myself, I want to experience just one day of real freedom before I die. I leave you here to do that for me and for the women whom you say you love.

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end"

I know it has been a while since I have written. Where to begin?

At the end... cause "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

2010 ended with me preparing for the Passion 2011 conference in Atlanta. It was SO amazing!!!! Starting on the first day of 2011, in just 4 short days, 22,000 college students raised over a million dollars for social injustices around the world.

There is strength and impact in numbers.

And our age is not a limitation:

1 Timothy 4:12

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

Louie Giglio started out the conference saying 2 things that really stuck out to me:

1. TIME's  Person of the Year was Mark Zuckerberg who is only 26. He undoubtedly changed the way we communicate and ultimately impacted the entire world. And, Louie said, we can impact the world too. Soooooooo true.
2. He pointed out that this New Years was 1/1/11. And 1 is the number of new beginnings. And that many ones represent lots of new beginnings for 2011. 

 And, according to Semisonic, "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

I think this is really true too.

As I start out the beginning of 2011, I face an end: It is "Closing Time" for college.

Their song sums it up for me:

Closing time
Open all the doors and let you out into the world
...

Closing time
You don't have to go home but you can't stay here

As my final semester unfolds, I don't know where it is that I'll be going BUT I look forward to new beginnings...

And impacting the world :)

I hope you do too, embracing 2011 as a year of new beginnings, whether you are a senior in college or a senior citizen... 12 or 20 or 103 or anything in between.

Best of luck in 2011!!!

Also get excited for November... 11/11/11 ;)

Women Win Big - New Basketball Record

Yesterday Stanford's women basketball finally beat University of Connecticut's team, stopping their winning streak at 90 games... a national record.

I know this is strange - me writing on sports BUT I promise this really is me ;)

And these women are worth reading about.

I would never claim to be a sports expert, but I simply had to write a blog about this story. No need to worry, though, I did my research getting facts from legit sports fanatics!

If, like me, you hardly know a hail Mary from a home run and root for a team based on who the rookie is rather than national standings, you may not have been up to date on these ladies steadily winning and coming closer to the record.

But our athletic-aloofness may not have been entirely our fault because the story was not heavily covered, at least not at first. Christine Brennan of USA Today wrote an article called "Where's the buzz over UConn women's winning streak?" Here, according to her, was the issue:

You name the excuse and it's certain to be attached to the Connecticut women's basketball team as it attempts to tie the 1971-74 UCLA men's team's record of 88 consecutive victories Sunday (2 p.m. ET, ESPNU) against Ohio State, then break the record Tuesday against Florida State.

She points out that if a men's team were coming up on a new record, the news coverage would be excessive and that sports are still not equitable as many assume since women now play many of the same sports men play. Brennan argues that this inequity is evidenced in that imbalance in news coverage as well as the dismissal that these women would only hold the women's record, not the "real" record for uninterrupted basketball wins since they don't play the "same game." 

However, she ends her article with this:

Come up with all the excuses and differences you'd like, but in the end, this should be a conversation about the game of basketball. A college team once won 88 in a row. If another college team wins 89 in a row, isn't that better?

And they were better.

According to The New York Times:

it is the Connecticut women, not the U.C.L.A. men, who now hold the major-college basketball record for invincibility. The Huskies won their 89th consecutive game Tuesday with a 93-62 throttling of Florida State before a sellout crowd of 16,294 at the XL Center, surpassing the 88 straight won by the U.C.L.A. men, coached by John Wooden, from 1971 to 1974.

 BUT, their streak ended yesterday.

Stanford ended UConn's streak last night with a decisive win: 71-59.

The craziest part was that Stanford was the team to end UConn's last streak in 2008. To read  more, check out this article that dubs both of Stanford's wins as "Two Platinum Bookends."

Both Stanford and UConn deserve recognition and some attention for their women's basketball teams. In fact, all of women's sports could use a little more recognition.

After all, women just won big, beating out the boys for the record : )

I Think I'm in Love...

... with slam poetry.

It is intense, powerful performance poetry by people who have clever, often cutting commentary on their lives and society. I cannot get enough of it. 

Seriously, my mom - just today - diagnosed me as addicted to YouTube.

I simply can't help it. A video of one poet leads me to another and then another and before I know it, I have spent an hour watching people "spit their rhymes."

Perhaps y'all remember my former blog post where I gushed over Rafael Casal. My crush continues, especially after watching his new stuff: "Ego."

But I've gained a new crush: Chris Tse.

He has countless impressive poems but here are two of my favorites. One is about ending stereotypes. The other one, though I am sad that he had so much content to rhyme about was incredibly well-written and I agree with his desire to move from hatred to love: "I'm a Christian, I'm Sorry."

Yet another crush developed when I discovered George Watsky.

He was precious and proud in his defense first of high school virgins and then lisps. I LOVE IT!!!! There truly is beauty in owning what others might label imperfections.

Beyond the boys though, there were also some brilliant female poets.

Katie Makkai had a poignant poem called "Pretty" about beauty expectations and happiness. The last minute is particularly fabulous!

Also, Sarah Kay had a beautiful poem about her future daughter.

Then there was Shannon Matesky who had a clever poem about Facebook and Myspace.

Lastly, there was Jasmine Mans who delivered a very sad but powerful poem about rape and family.

I hope y'all enjoyed these poems. I've watched many, MANY more... ahhh, the beauty of time to kill on Christmas break :)

If I find any more great ones, I'll share them. Until then, if you've got time to kill, I encourage you to start your own YouTube addiction to explore slam poetry and find your own favorites...

On the Inside: Nursing Homes

Two beds crammed in a tiny room.

Wrinkled faces staring blankly from under the covers, surrounded by dying plants and photographs of forgotten family. Stuffed animals and old movies scattered about. The smell, like hospitals and dirty diapers mixed together, caught my breath.

I couldn't, however, catch the tears that welled up in my eyes. They spilled over as I sang "We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year!" - the unrealistic and almost insincere words broke my heart.I found it hard to believe that their new year held much...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I haven't written in awhile because I was living in the library to write papers, compile portfolios and study for exams; then I went straight to a mission trip with Baptist Collegiate Ministry groups from around the state of South Carolina.

We did a number of things like host Christmas parties for under-privileged children, bake cookies for firefighters and nurses, buy and wrap gifts for needy families, etc.

The service that affected me the most though was visiting local nursing homes to sing Christmas songs and visit with the residents. While I know we brought joy to many men and women there, I couldn't help but feel a sadness as I left each day.

Some residents reintroduced themselves to me literally 10+ times. Others said absolutely nothing but stared off, likely in their own world, seeing something other than the little room in front of them. Some even acted out their own other world - Ms. Nancy, for example, used to work in a retail store so she was constantly rattling off prices for things that I couldn't see. At one point, she showed me her worn, white slippers telling me they were lovely black pumps on sale for $3.99.

A few were not nearly as happy as Ms. Nancy and the other residents in their own private, little worlds. Some residents were still lucid, incredibly aware of what lay in front of their eyes... their small world, day in and day out.

They did not like what they saw.

Neither did I.

One man suffering from dementia simply rode up and down the hall on his wheelchair asking for the way out. Another woman simply sat in her wheelchair and repeated "I want to go home; get me out of here!" Perhaps the most unsettling story I heard was of a woman who was dropped off only 3 weeks ago. Her daughter told her that she was coming back for her in 2 weeks but never came. As though that were not bad enough, the daughter is now selling her mom's home, against her mother's wishes.

Simply awful.

Yet another woman who had been in there for over four years with very infrequent visitors spoke of "people on the outside." It sounded so much like prison and made me think of this email I read recently:

Jails and Nursing Homes

Here's the way it should be:

Let's put the seniors in jail and the criminals in nursing homes.

This would correct two things in one motion:

Seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs, etc.
They would receive money instead of having to pay it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they would be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance. 

Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes.
All meals and snacks would be brought to them.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. 

They would have access to a library, weight/fitness room, spiritual counseling, a pool and education...and free admission to in-house concerts by nationally recognized entertainment artists.
Simple clothing - ie., shoes, slippers, pj's - and legal aid would be free, upon request.
There would be private, secure rooms provided for all with an outdoor exercise yard complete with gardens.
 Each senior would have a P.C., T.V., phone and radio in their room at no cost. 
They would receive daily phone calls. 

There would be a board of directors to hear any complaints and the ACLU would fight for their rights and protection. 
The guards would have a code of conduct to be strictly adhered to, with attorneys available, at no charge to protect the seniors and their families from abuse or neglect.

As for the criminals: 
They would receive cold food. 
They would be left alone and unsupervised. 
They would receive showers once a week. 
They would live in tiny rooms, for which they would have to pay $5,000 per month. 
They would have no hope of ever getting out.

"Sounds like justice to me!" 

 I'm not suggesting that all nursing homes are bad or even that the ones I visited were. I am, however, saying that some can be and certainly are. Not even counting neglect, there are reports of elder abuse that average out to an elderly person being abused every 5 seconds. A woman who works with a rape/abuse prevention and treatment center told me that there are even cases of 80+ year old women being raped in nursing homes.

If you have a family member or know anyone currently living in a nursing home - "on the inside" - PLEASE go visit them this holiday season (and throughout the year) to check on them, to love on them, to simply be with them.

Though I know our visits on my mission trip certainly brightened the days of several residents, real difference can be made through relationships developed over regular visits.

I highly encourage you to take a trip to your local nursing home.
Bring pictures, magazines, movies - things like that to entertain them.
Listen to their stories.
Tell them your own.
Expand their little worlds so they can know more about things on "the outside" - and that at least someone (YOU!) remembers them and cares.