You Might Be a Redneck If... a daddy helping his daughter out

I recently freaked my parents out over Thanksgiving.

I told them all about the sketchy people that have been around my house lately: this strange man who walked his dog down our driveway, a homeless man who sleeps on our porch and one who came and beat on my door. Oh and my drug dealer neighbor with his creepy clients. Yea.

Needless to say, my parents were concerned.

And then they insisted on my need to carry some mace or pepper spray. Though my mom has been saying that for months since I moved into this house that sits off the road in the dark end of a parking lot, this time I agreed.

So after Thanksgiving, forget the fun fashion finds and such most people were shopping for on Black Friday. We set off in search of some pepper spray.

We went to a local hardware store, Walmart, Lowes - even an Army Supply store - but all to no avail.

My Daddy even called his friend who is a cop to see where we could get some but he couldn't reach him before I left home.

Then, I kid you not, as I was packing up my car to head back, my Daddy presented me with this:

Your eyes do not deceive you. That is, in fact, Raid wasp and hornet killer.

I don't want to talk bad about my Daddy but it has to be said:

You might be a redneck IF you give your daughter wasp spray in place of mace.

Right?

And I wish I could say he was joking but he was 100% serious. He told me that the stuff has blown back in his face when he was working in the yard and he was sure that if someone came up to me, this would do the trick to get them away.

He even made me do a practice spray so I could see how far it would shoot. And sure enough the can shot to a tree nearly 20 feet away!

While the spray seemed to be effective, it wasn't quite what I had in mind.

For one, it was 14 ounces!?! And nearly a foot tall.

Not quite purse-appropriate.

I tried to gently deny the Raid telling my daddy I was hoping for something I could tuck away into my purse or attach to my key-chain.

But he was insistent. He told me I could just tote it back and forth between my car and the house at night. To that I asked if it could be left in my car.... I didn't want that pressurized can exploding in the heat or anything.

He told me it would be fine and tried to give me a second can to bring back for my roommate. At this, I was the one who became insistent and told him that just one can of Raid would be enough, that she would probably prefer the real thing.

And, the real thing, I am happy to report is now what I have.

My wonderful friend Nathan saw my Raid can near the front door when he came to hang out today which led to me sharing what I have just shared with you. And, it just so happens that in his spare time Nathan goes to shoot at the local gun range. (Maybe he's a redneck too? Just kidding!)

Anyways, he said that not only did the gun shop have purse-appropriate, pocket-sized pepper spray, THEY EVEN HAD IT IN COLORS INCLUDING PINK AND PURPLE!!!!!!!! How perfect!

Now, thanks to him, I am the proud owner of this:

It is only about 3 inches tall... smaller than some of my lip glosses! And, in case you can't tell, it's purple :)

Now... if I could only figure out how to operate the thing....?

Happy Thanksgiving + a "Cooking" update

Happy Thanksgiving :-)

The holiday celebrating family, food and gratitude. I love it!

While I am good at the gratitude and family time, I struggle with the food. Not the eating it, don't worry; As I type this blogpost, I'm entirely too stuffed on turkey, green beans and pumpkin pie.

However, the part of food I'm struggling with is the cooking part. I still haven't quite caught on : /

As I was in the kitchen today with my Granny and my mom - both of whom are phenomenal cooks - I fessed up on my most recent kitchen catastrophe...

...............................................................................

Earlier this week I had some friends over to chat and bake cookies. Yea... about that. We thought why bother with baking???

We so urgently wanted our cookies that we decided to just eat the dough ;)

However, in the urgency to make the dough, we didn't want to wait for the stick of butter to reach room temperature. So I just put the bowl with the butter in the microwave... and then....

Flames. Yes.  Flames.

My friends screamed and turned around from the kitchen table. "What happened?" they asked.

I had used a metal bowl.
I thought it would be ok for just a few seconds.
FALSE.

Fortunately, I stopped it so quickly that not only was the microwave unharmed, the dough was still fine :)

BUT, as if that wasn't bad enough for one night,
my kitchen klutzyness continued...

Since the oven was already preheated for the cookies, I figured I'd go ahead and bake some potatoes I wanted to use before leaving to go home for the holidays.

In my defense, I have baked many a potato in my day - and successfully. However, I always wrap them in aluminum foil.

Well, on this particular night, we were out of aluminum foil so I just plopped them on a cookie sheet.

About 20 minutes later after we'd already gone through all the cookie dough and were in the middle of painting our nails, we heard a whistling noise.

"What is that?" my friend asked. We tracked down the noise to the oven. My sweet potatoes were whistling and my friend asked if I had poked holes in them. I said no, having no clue that one needed to.

I mean potatoes don't come with directions. And people aren't born knowing these things... or at least I wasn't.

I was about to attack the potatoes with a fork when my friend took over with a knife. Ha, oh well. At least I didn't learn the hard way by the potatoes blowing up!

My friends were concerned for my lack of culinary capabilities; they said that I remind them of Hannah Hart from My Drunk Kitchen. The only thing is I wasn't even drinking so I couldn't blame my kitchen klutzyness on alcohol... it's just all my inexperience.

Fortunately, once they were sliced, the potatoes cooked up quietly and perfectly - and the house didn't burn down!

.............................................

After sharing this story, my mom who was appalled (and probably ready to disown me!) in all seriousness suggested that I might benefit from taking this book back with me after the holidays:

That would be my Kindergarten cookbook - for ages 4 and up. 

Sadly, that is probably the level I'm at ;) We'll see if this helps... I'll keep ya posted! 

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!!!!!!!!!

11/11/11

In case you haven't noticed, today is 11/11/11.

But what is the big deal about today anyway? Why is today so much more intriguing than 3/11/11 or 7/25/11?

An article from MSNBC mentions everything from Medieval numerologists' theories to online discussions about the 11:11 phenomenon.

However, that same article points out that all this superstition and buzz about today's date may just be what:

psychologists say it is a classic case of "apophenia," or the human tendency to find meaning or patterns in randomly occurring data. This condition feeds on itself, because the more conscious you are of something — such as repeating 11s — the more often you'll notice it in the world around you, and thus the more certain you'll become that the pattern is real.

I tend to agree with the conclusion that this is all just a bunch of apophenia... even though I had a case of apophenia at the beginning of the year when it was 1/1/11 ;)

I must say, though, in all this crazy buzz (including a movie!?!) about today, I did appreciate the way these 2 groups sought to give meaning to today.

1. The 11-11-11 Project is promoting "World Music for World Peace" paralleling today's date with the end of World War I at 11 am on the 11th day of the 11th month which sought peace for the world. 
2. The 11 Eleven Project is basically creating a time-capsule of life today and it is cool how inclusive and unifying it is trying to be of the entire planet. They're hoping at least someone from all 196 countries on the globe will participate. You can participate here.

Then, of course, you can't forget that today in America is Veteran's Day which obviously holds a lot of meaning, especially while we're in the midst of war. 

So however you're going to celebrate by singing a song, watching a horror movie or thanking a veteran, I hope you have a wonderful and meaningful 11/11/11 :)

Updates from my Arkansas Family Wedding: Truth IS stranger than fiction

My only girl cousin - Mary Beth - got married this past weekend and it was the MOST EPIC wedding I have ever heard of. I was honored when she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids but I didn't know what all I was getting myself into ;)

To begin with, this wedding started off a little Redneck from the get-go because of 3 reasons:

1. It was a destination wedding but not to Cancun or the Bahamas like many of my friends guessed when they heard I was going. Nope, it was a destination wedding to (drum-roll please!).... Arkansas. When my friends heard this they asked "Why!?! What the heck is in Arkansas?" I tried to assure them that the destination - Hot Springs - was actually quite lovely but they were suspicious, still thinkin' it would be a little country. I told them that no, we would not be duck hunting after they got hitched and we would not be wearing camo down the aisle but they didn't quite believe me.
2. The wedding was happening on Halloween weekend so this conjured up strange ideas in my friends' minds of wedding decor even less classy than camo... something like cob-webs or skeletons hanging around. I am happy to report, though, that the wedding was very classy with ivory and purple decorations and only happened to fall on Halloween weekend; the bride and groom were not obsessed and doing some spooky-themed wedding!
3. One of the bridesmaids (the bride's sister-in-law) was pregnant... AND had a black eye. No worries - there isn't any domestic violence going on; she just slipped in the kitchen and caught her eye on the counter but, obviously, this looks bad when you have a battered and pregnant bridesmaid!

And then the Redneckyness just ratcheted itself up alllll weekend long as everything unfolded at the wedding. Below, you'll find the text updates I sent to my friends throughout the weekend that document the whole drama:

Thursday, October 27th

This first text was sent within minutes of my family picking me up. My uncle (the father of the bride) just nonchalantly said this as he shared the game-plan for our afternoon...

3:07 pm - "We gotta pick up a keg." - my Uncle Russell            

And after we had the keg loaded up, another memorable quote from my uncle...

3:32 pm -  Now we need to run to Walmart. Yea, we need to pick up a tree. Oh and we need a goat.

These were props for his speech at the wedding. He never got the goat but he found a HUGE tree (it was so tall that it bent over at the top where it hit the ceiling) because it tied into a story from Mary Beth's childhood. The whole thing was really cute, I promise! 

 

Friday, October 28th

7:20 pm - Wedding update.... Good news: my dress and shoes fit! Bad news: guess who is walking me down the aisle? The one GAY groomsman. Yep. My luck ;)

And within 5 minutes of meeting me, he tells me that he is gay, that he cheated on his boyfriend who then decided to break up with him. That, he said, was why he was drinking heavily but he hoped they''d get back together. 

However, by the end of the weekend his ex-boyfriend was already in a new relationship so the gay groomsman lost all hope and increased his drinking - so much so that he literally fell down the stairs. 

10:58 pm - So the rehearsal dinner ended with the Maid of Honor stumbling drunk calling another guest a stripper... and she apparently really IS!?! Plus, there is a prostitute present too. I wish I was making this up. I feel like I'm living in a Jerry Springer episode!?!

When the bride tried to speak with her to tell her to quit drinking and get her self together, things got physical. She cussed out the bride and threw her phone across the hotel lobby and broke something. There was shoving and screaming and crying.

Also, the pastor's wife and groom's grandmother saw ALL of this. 

The Best Man and baby-daddy to the Maid of Honor's kid (who was the ring bearer) intervened and broke up the fight. 

Saturday, October 29th -

THE WEDDING DAY!!!

12:01 am - The. Cops. Came. 
                   The Maid of Honor has been kicked out of the wedding. 
                   No lie.

6 cops (!?!) came up to our suite because of the incident in the lobby and nearly arrested the Maid of Honor. She was crying and upset AND she was in the room with the wedding gown and her bridesmaid dress. 

We were worried she might do something to destroy it so the bride's brother's girlfriend (known as "Little Bit"" because she is not even 5 feet and probably about 90 pounds) just marched in there and rescued the dresses before they could be harmed. She is now known as  "Sassy Pants" for her gutsyness.

The ex-Maid of Honor was so upset that she tried to walk home (barefooted without a phone since it broke when she threw it in the lobby) to Oklahoma from Arkansas!?! We ultimately got her back in the hotel and moved her to another room. 

Then they were concerned she might crash the wedding so my daddy was put on stand-by as potential security to stand at the doors during the wedding. However, before my daddy had to do that, the baby-daddy arranged for the ex-Maid of Honor to get a ride home after the bride decided this drama was too much. 
  
12:36 am - K, another update: more good news.... I got a promotion. Yours truly is now the Maid of Honor. I guess I have to whip up a speech now???

In addition to my promotion, the groom's sister was promoted to bridesmaid and - by some miracle - the ex-Maid of Honor's dress fit. This seemed right anyways for her - as family - to be included in the bridal party so everything worked out how we felt it should have always been.

..................................

Then we went to bed to try and rest after all of that!
And the wedding went off without a hitch :) No one cried - except for the gay groomsman. 

6:04 pm - Final (?) wedding update: I didn't trip and the speech was alright so everything went  well... EXCEPT my bouquet caught on fire. Yep. Can't wait to share ALL the details ;)

Ok. I was perhaps having too much fun with these updates at this point. I admit, that one was a bit misleading. My bouquet really did catch on fire but not as I was walking down the aisle. Instead, it happened while we were all sitting down for dinner at the reception. The bride said,  "Sarah! Your bouquet is burning!" and sure enough, the candle below the vase it was resting in began to burn the flowers. It left a 2 or 3 inch black, charred hole in the bottom of the ivory hydrangea bouquet :/
 
10:21 pm - Spoke too soon. Another update: on the way home, my cousin's car got hit by a deer. Good God almighty!!!

Fortunately, she is ok, though the car isn't. It was just ridiculous and so redneck. I mean you cannot make this stuff up!?!

As the night wound down, we ended up in the lobby where there was live music and all sorts of crazy drunk people dressed in costumes for Halloween; this all added to the bizareness of all that had happened with our wedding party. 

And the groom's mom had a bit too much to drink and ended up ordering a round of "buttery nipples" for the bride's family; now that is a kind gesture but if that isn't the most awkward drink title I've ever heard of, I don't know what is! 

Sunday, October 30th

12:18 pm - The wedding is over but I have another update that I found when helping everyone load up the cars. This was a wedding gift for the bride and groom. It is a "dictionary" book safe, complete with a pistol. I am NOT making this up, hence this photographic evidence ;)

I have no words. The picture speaks for itself. 


1:15 pm - So final (for real???) Arkansas wedding update: we had too many people and too many things for everything to fit in the truck. So, leaving for the airport, my youngest cousin - bless him - had to ride in the BACK of the truck. This picture is him packed in beside the keg in the truck-bed! THE END!!!!!!!!!!!

Yea, so... epic, right?


All in all, though, it was a beautiful wedding and they are happily married on their honeymoon right now so all is well that ends well :) 

I Live in the Greatest Place on Earth... Well Almost!

It is a bit of technicality: I actually live in the 3rd greatest place on earth according to Travelers.  

Yes, believe it or not, Charleston, SC was recently named the 3rd best city. In the world. Awesome!

I've had the pleasure of living here for the last 4 years while attending the College of Charleston.

Fortunately, I've been able to stick around post graduation and now I'm thinking I may never leave because in addition to being voted the 3rd best city on earth, we were named the BEST CITY in America. Yes. Also awesome :)

And, as if that wasn't enough, we've been voted the city with the most attractive people in the U.S.

But, don't worry, we aren't letting all of that get to our heads and turning up our noses at everyone else because Charleston has regularly been voted America's most mannerly city. 

And here are a few other rankings.

Obviously, this is the best place a Southern Belle could be :)

If you'd like to come see for yourself: http://www.expedia.com/

Rooting for the Underdog/dolphin... and other precious animal videos

“Never tell a young person that anything cannot be done. God may have been waiting centuries for someone ignorant enough of the impossible to do that very thing.” 

                                                                                          - G. M. Trevelyan 


This weekend I saw Dolphin Tale, the story of a young person who did the impossible.

It was one of the most heart-warming movies I have seen in a loooonggg time... all about the story of an underdog, er... underdolphin beating the odds and learning how to swim and live without a tail. All because one little boy believed in her and loved her.

Soo cute.

I highly recommend the movie but, if you can't wait until then, see the amazing dolphin here.



And if that wasn't heartwarming enough, check out these other adorable animal videos :)

1. Otters Holding Hands. Gah! So freakin cute.... you must wait until the end and watch for the kiss!!! 

 

2. Cat Hugs Kitten. I am totally a dog person and have never owned a cat, but still, this is super sweet. 

  

3. The Sneezing Panda. Only 16 seconds long but long enough to make you smile :) 

I hope this brightened your day!

Now go save a dolphin or hug a kitten or something else precious like that ; )

Nobel Laureate Ladies - a select group

This year, for the first time since 2004, the Nobel Prize was awarded to a woman... to 3 in fact.

Before 2011, (the award began in 1901) only "40 of the total 776 Peace Prize winners have been women in the past, and no three women have ever won the prize together"(1).

So who were these newest 3 to join the select group of Nobel Laureate Ladies?

Ellen Johnson Sirleaf - "the first and only democratically elected female head of state in Africa. She founded the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in 2006, which investigated 20 years of civil war and human rights violations in Liberia" (1)

 

Leymah Gbowee - "also active in achieving peace in Liberia. As the founder of the Women of Liberia Mass Action for Peace, she became a non-violent force against civil war" (1)

 

Tawakkul Karman - "a human rights activist and politician in Yemen, a country currently experiencing a large-scale popular movement against the government. Karman organized student rallies in the capital of Sanaa, after which she was arrested. When she was released, she immediately went back to protesting." (1)

 

They were awarded the 1.5 million dollars to support their efforts towards peace because of  "their non-violent struggle for the safety of women and for women's rights to full participation in peace-building work" (2). 

 

But women (and men) can win the Nobel Prize for efforts in science and literature as well as working towards peace. 

 

Here's info on the other 40 women who came before these 3 ladies.

Hopefully that number will grow in the future to be a bit more balanced with the boys but, until then, keep your eye on Sirleaf, Gbowee and Karman in their efforts to elevate peace and women throughout the world...