Two beds crammed in a tiny room.
Wrinkled faces staring blankly from under the covers, surrounded by dying plants and photographs of forgotten family. Stuffed animals and old movies scattered about. The smell, like hospitals and dirty diapers mixed together, caught my breath.
I couldn't, however, catch the tears that welled up in my eyes. They spilled over as I sang "We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year!" - the unrealistic and almost insincere words broke my heart.I found it hard to believe that their new year held much...
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I haven't written in awhile because I was living in the library to write papers, compile portfolios and study for exams; then I went straight to a mission trip with Baptist Collegiate Ministry groups from around the state of South Carolina.
We did a number of things like host Christmas parties for under-privileged children, bake cookies for firefighters and nurses, buy and wrap gifts for needy families, etc.
The service that affected me the most though was visiting local nursing homes to sing Christmas songs and visit with the residents. While I know we brought joy to many men and women there, I couldn't help but feel a sadness as I left each day.
Some residents reintroduced themselves to me literally 10+ times. Others said absolutely nothing but stared off, likely in their own world, seeing something other than the little room in front of them. Some even acted out their own other world - Ms. Nancy, for example, used to work in a retail store so she was constantly rattling off prices for things that I couldn't see. At one point, she showed me her worn, white slippers telling me they were lovely black pumps on sale for $3.99.
A few were not nearly as happy as Ms. Nancy and the other residents in their own private, little worlds. Some residents were still lucid, incredibly aware of what lay in front of their eyes... their small world, day in and day out.
They did not like what they saw.
Neither did I.
One man suffering from dementia simply rode up and down the hall on his wheelchair asking for the way out. Another woman simply sat in her wheelchair and repeated "I want to go home; get me out of here!" Perhaps the most unsettling story I heard was of a woman who was dropped off only 3 weeks ago. Her daughter told her that she was coming back for her in 2 weeks but
never came. As though that were not bad enough, the daughter is now selling her mom's home, against her mother's wishes.
Simply awful.
Yet another woman who had been in there for over four years with very infrequent visitors spoke of "people on the outside." It sounded so much like prison and made me think of this email I read recently:
Jails and Nursing Homes
Here's the way it should be:
Let's put the seniors in jail and the criminals in nursing homes.
This would correct two things in one motion:
Seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs, etc.
They would receive money instead of having to pay it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they would be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes.
All meals and snacks would be brought to them.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight/fitness room, spiritual counseling, a pool and education...and free admission to in-house concerts by nationally recognized entertainment artists.
Simple clothing - ie., shoes, slippers, pj's - and legal aid would be free, upon request.
There would be private, secure rooms provided for all with an outdoor exercise yard complete with gardens.
Each senior would have a P.C., T.V., phone and radio in their room at no cost.
They would receive daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear any complaints and the ACLU would fight for their rights and protection.
The guards would have a code of conduct to be strictly adhered to, with attorneys available, at no charge to protect the seniors and their families from abuse or neglect.
As for the criminals:
They would receive cold food.
They would be left alone and unsupervised.
They would receive showers once a week.
They would live in tiny rooms, for which they would have to pay $5,000 per month.
They would have no hope of ever getting out.
"Sounds like justice to me!"
I'm not suggesting that all nursing homes are bad or even that the ones I visited were. I am, however, saying that some can be and certainly are. Not even counting neglect, there are
reports of elder abuse that average out to an elderly person being abused every 5 seconds. A woman who works with a rape/abuse prevention and treatment center told me that there are even cases of 80+ year old women being raped in nursing homes.
If you have a family member or know anyone currently living in a nursing home - "on the inside" - PLEASE go visit them this holiday season (and throughout the year) to check on them, to love on them, to simply be with them.
Though I know our visits on my mission trip certainly brightened the days of several residents, real difference can be made through relationships developed over regular visits.
I highly encourage you to take a trip to your local nursing home.
Bring pictures, magazines, movies - things like that to entertain them.
Listen to their stories.
Tell them your own.
Expand their little worlds so they can know more about things on "the outside" - and that at least someone (YOU!) remembers them and cares.
