9 Words Women Use - a little humor for ya ;)

I wish I could say I wrote this but I just came across it in a chain email so Lord knows who the author is. Even though I cannot pass along the credit to the clever person who created this, it was just too funny so I had to share it with y'all.

I hope you enjoy...

9 Words Women Use

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. "Five minutes" is only actually five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the football game before helping around the house.

3. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

4. A Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing there and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer quickly to No. 9 for the meaning of "nothing.")

5. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

6. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question or faint. Just say "you're welcome." (I want to add a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" which is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" - that will bring on No. 7).

7. Whatever: This is a woman's way of saying "F--- YOU!"

8. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to No. 4.

9. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in "Fine;" (Refer back to No. 1 for the meaning of "fine.").

As a woman, though I hate to admit it, I would have to attest to the accuracy of much of what you see above... as do all of my female friends.

So, guys: take notes!!!  ;) 

Again, disclaimer: other than some editing and adding emphasis on certain sections, I did not write the 9 Words That Women Use and I don't know who did. It can be found all over the internet by simply searching the title. Let me know if you discover the author!

I'd Like to Introduce You to TED...

I have recently gotten to know TED.

TED is not my newest crush...that would be Scotty McCreery from American Idol. He is so, so, so precious. I mean, hello:

Singin'  Thompson Square's "Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not" 

I'd kiss him... but he is only 17!?! That might be robbin' the cradle ;)

Sorry, I digress.

Back to TED who is not my crush because TED is... not a person.  

TED is an awesome website with the primary purpose of providing access to

Ideas Worth Spreading.

Isn't that cool? 

It is a nonprofit that "started out (in 1984) as a conference bringing together people from three worlds: Technology, Entertainment, Design. Since then its scope has become ever broader." (1)

The additional topic themes are Business, Science, Culture, Arts, and Global Issues. But the home page features a variety of videos from all the different topics. And, even cooler: you can rearrange the homepage by things like: 

•  most emailed 
• most commented on  
• most jaw dropping 
• most inspiring/courageous/beautiful/persuasive/fascinating/funny/ingenious/informative
• and more...

I could spend days on this website. 

I love their mission: 

"We believe passionately in the power of ideas to change attitudes, lives and ultimately, the world. So we're building here a clearinghouse that offers free knowledge and inspiration from the world's most inspired thinkers, and also a community of curious souls to engage with ideas and each other." (1)

And lots of people are on-board with TED's mission:

Their advisory board includes people from diverse backgrounds - everything from an anthropologist to an architect, a physicist to a futurist, AND big names like the CEO of Amazon and the founders of Google... even Meg Ryan!?! 

TED stays busy: 

"Along with two annual conferences -- the TED Conference in Long Beach and Palm Springs each spring, and the TEDGlobal conference in Edinburgh UK each summer -- TED now includes the award-winning TEDTalks video series, the Open Translation Project and Open TV Project, the inspiring TED Fellows and TEDx programs, the social media platform TED Conversations, and the annual TED Prize." (1) More info here.

Lastly, here are a couple of my favorite finds (so far) on TED: 

Viktor Frankl: Why to believe in others

A talk all the way from 1972 is still relevant: how to make people reach their full potential, using an example of planes...

 

Ron Gutman: The hidden power of smiling

  Smiling is as stimulating as pounds of chocolate and thousands of dollars and helps your marriage and your health... plus, it makes you look good! 

(1) are quotes taken from ted.com 

Shooting for the Moon: Graduation and Women Who Changed Our World

I graduated. A week ago, today.

Holy sh- wait. That would not be very Southern Belle of me ;)

But, gah! It really happened!?! 


Saturday, May 7th, I crossed the Cistern (yes, Cistern... not an auditorium stage. We do things differently at C of C!).

 No cap and gown... white sundresses and summer tuxedos :)

I hope you aren't jealous! 

A week later, the beauty and charm and celebration of the ceremony has settled.

Now, I have to enter the "real world."

And, I am excited-nervous-frightened-pumped.

What do I hope to do?

What any Southern Belle Feminist would:

Change. The. World. 

Lofty - yes - but, as they say:

Whether you've just graduated or not,

I hope you're shootin' for the moon, too.

If you need a little inspiration, check out these 125 women who shot for the moon and changed our world.

Here are a few of my favorites and some you may have never heard of before:

• Diana, Princess of Wales - activist and icon 
• Nancy Drew - yes, as in the teen detective... I swear I think I read every single book in the series growing up! 
• Rosie the Riveter - hello girl power! 
• Anne Frank - I have been journaling ever since I read her book.  
• Helen Keller - true example that women can overcome whatever life throws at them
• Wendy Kopp - founder of Teach for America 
• Gertrude Belle Elion - medical researcher who helped us transplant organs and fight Leukemia 
• Rosalind Franklin - first to discover proof about the double-helix in DNA
• Jacqueline Cochran - first woman to break the sound barrier 
• Valentina Tereshkova - first woman in space
• Mia Hamm - "She scored more international goals than any other soccer player, and led a generation of adolescent girls to change their minds about sports."
• Wilma Rudolph - "She overcame polio to become a runner, winning three gold medals in one Olympics, the first American woman to do so."
• Eve Ensler - creator of The Vagina Monologues 
• Gloria Steinem - feminist writer and activist
• Betty Friedan - author of The Feminine Mystique and cofounder of the National Organization for Women 
• Jeannette Rankin - first woman elected to Congress... back in 1916
• Gertrude Ederle - "First woman to swim the English Channel (beating the men's record by nearly two hours), 1926."  
•  Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton - suffragists and women's rights supporters
• Hedy Lamarr - "Inventor of an anti-jamming device for radio-controlled torpedoes, 1942." And a glam actress... talk about multi-talented ;)
  
  Clearly, all of these women are talented.
  
  Hopefully, as I enter the real world, I can follow in their footsteps to change the world and succeed in life:
  
  

  Success:  To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.  This is to have succeeded! 

                                                                       ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
  
  
  

  

  Me, about to "Cross the Cistern"

  
  

  

    And, across, an official College of Charleston alum!
  
  

  Now I'm off to enter [and hopefully change...] the real world! 

  
  

  I hope you'll join me and... 
  
  

  

  
  

Guerilla Girls - Creative Complaining

Who are they? 

According to their website, they are "feminist masked avengers in the tradition of anonymous do-gooders like Robin Hood, Wonder Woman and Batman." And, "We're a bunch of anonymous females who take the names of dead women artists as pseudonyms and appear in public wearing gorilla masks." Why? "We wear gorilla masks to focus on the issues rather than our personalities."

And I was lucky enough to see their informative and very entertaining presentation at CofC this semester. 

Their goal: 

To "expose sexism, racism and corruption in politics, art, film and pop culture." And, "use humor to convey information, provoke discussion, and show that feminists can be funny."

And how do they do that? 

"With facts, humor and outrageous visuals. We reveal the understory, the subtext, the overlooked, the and the downright unfair." 

Check out some examples below of how they use art to accuse art: 

 

And people have noticed: 

"Our work has been passed around the world by our tireless supporters. In the last few years, we’ve appeared at over 90 universities and museums, as well as in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The New Yorker, Bitch, and Artforum; on NPR, the BBC and CBC; and in many art and feminist texts."

But they do way more than posters: 

"We are authors of stickers, billboards, many, many posters and other projects... We’re part of Amnesty International’s Stop Violence Against Women Campaign in the UK; we're brainstorming with Greenpeace. In the last few years, we've unveiled anti-film industry billboards in Hollywood just in time for the Oscars, and created large scale projects for the Venice Biennale, Istanbul and Mexico City. We dissed the Museum of Modern Art at its own Feminist Futures Symposium, examined the museums of Washington DC in a full page in the Washington Post, and exhibited large-scale posters and banners in Athens, Bilbao, Montreal, Rotterdam, Sarajevo and Shanghai.

In addition, they have published several funny and interesting books: 

Confessions of The Guerrilla Girls

 

The Guerrilla Girls' Bedside Companion to the History of Western Art

 

 

  

Bitches, Bimbos and Ballbreakers: The Guerrilla Girls' Illustrated Guide to Female Stereotypes

 

 

The Guerrilla Girls' Art Museum Activity Book

 

 

And their plans for the future? 

"More creative complaining! More facts, humor and fake fur! More appearances, actions and artworks. We could be anyone; we are everywhere." 

 If you want to know more, here is a snippet from their F.A.Q. page:

How did your group get started? Why do you call yourselves Guerrillas? Why girls? Why the gorilla masks? Why the pseudonyms?

That is ancient history....you can read all about it in our interview.

 Or, just check out their whole website :) 

Doing Gender, Buying Drinks - My FIRST YouTube video :)

A Little Conversation with my Mom

Mom: What are your plans for tonight?

Me: Oh, um, I'll be going out to a couple bars.    

          NOTE: this is extremely out of the ordinary for me. 

Mom: What!?! 

Me: Yea, well I have to. 

Mom: What do you mean you have to?

Me: It's for class; I'm collecting data. 

Mom: Nice try. 

Me: No, really! It is for my Gender and Society class. 

It really was. Between you and me (and the rest of the blogsphere!), I was not simply trying to pull one over on my mom. 

The Assignment

Our group project assignment called for us to examine gender out in the field. And, believe it or not, of all people, yours truly was assigned to examine gender in a field study of a bar on a downtown Saturday night. 

Most of my peers were either intensely jealous or in disbelief. 

My parents were a little confused in how this counted as education they were paying for ;) 

And me, well... 

Mind you, before this project, I could count on one hand the times I'd been in a bar on a Saturday night. Lame, I know but a Southern Belle has to maintain her classy image and that cannot be done slamming back cold ones in a bar ;) 

Our Research

Nonetheless, I've discussed before that when a grade is involved, the NERD in me wins out ;)

So the Southern Belle in me risked my class and any chance at being cool by heading out to the bars, notebook in hand. 

I kid you not. 

So my group members and I sat there observing, scribbling notes and taking interviews. Unlike most group projects, though, our research did come complete with a Tequila Sunrise - an attempt to blend in despite the aforementioned notebook which hopefully everyone was too drunk to notice.

People did notice, however, when we returned on another night with a video camera. Strange how intoxicated people flock to be recorded... a clear indication that alcohol affects your logical reasoning ;)

Lastly, we also recorded ourselves - and I had not one drop to drink so I cannot blame alcohol on that decision. So forgive my poor acting skills but our aim was to create a satire of sorts (by doing gender wrong) based on what we discovered in our research on how to do gender in a bar scene.

Our Focus

We decided clothing was too obvious: duh, girls wear less and boys wear more. Researching that would have not been very insightful to our class or you. 

Instead, we chose to focus on the gender of drinks. 

Below, you'll find our answer via a few interesting and entertaining descriptions and interviews of what drink to buy if you want a masculine, feminine, or gender neutral drink.

I hope you like it!

Oh and if you DO like it, please pass it on. For those of you who know me (and my YouTube video obsession), you know how it would please me beyond belief for this to go viral ;) 

Then we could all drink to that - in whatever gender of drink you'd like!

Men and Women AND the Purse Dilema

I have a dilemma: tonight is A Charleston Affair (kinda like the prom of college) and I don't have the right purse. It is not an issue of not having the right color or size; I simply do not have any clutch or other cocktail-appropriate purse.

So, what's a Southern Belle to do?

While I normally carry my "hockey bag" purse (see video below) which is simply too large for tonight's event, I figured I could hijack my date's pockets and have him carry my essentials (i.e. lip-gloss, ID, cell phone, etc.). But then I didn't want him to face his own dilemma (see the rest of the video below!).

Sorry for the poor quality; the content of the comedy makes up for it though!

But is he onto something? Having the guy just carry a purse?

More and more men are: according to this website, there has been a 21% increase in murses (male purses) sold in the last year.

Despite the increase, I think most would still agree that it looks odd when a man carries a purse today...

He even has a clutch like I need ;)

You may not believe it but men were actually the first ones to carry purses. According to Barbara G. H. Hagarty's book Handbags, men carried them first. Yes, I repeat:

murses preceded purses  

because men needed a bag to hold their coin money. This dates back to ancient times in Greece and Rome.

If only Charleston Affair could have come after the Center for Women's 10th Annual It's in the Bag Purse Auction on May 13th; no doubt, I could have found the perfect purse there.

But as for now, I'll have to hope my date will risk his own dilemma and carry my essentials for me :)

For your next night out, if you don't have a date or if yours won't accommodate your essentials by letting you hijack his pockets,  select your bag wisely because, as Ellen Rachlin said, (quoted in Hagarty's book):

A woman in her lifetime will spend far more hours hugging a handbag than a man. 

Ain't that the truth? ;) 

  

I Want a Wife (It's Not What You're Thinking!)

I know it has been a while since I've posted. 

And I have been busy. 

Really Busy. 

That is why I want a wife.

It is not what you're thinking: I am not turning lesbian. 

It is more like I'm turning logical: I want a wife because my to-do list remains perpetually incomplete. I scratch one thing off but somehow 2 or 3 new tasks have appeared along with the other things that remain undone.

One month remains of my college career!?! As I try to complete homework and reading and papers, I also have to find time to do laundry, buy groceries, vacuum my room, etc. etc. etc.. This on top of classes, an internship and work. Then, of course, there are the unexpected things like having to buy a new laptop, scheduling to get my wisdom teeth removed, ordering flowers for graduation, etc. etc. etc.. Oh and trying to have a social life.

That is why I want a wife. 

As I sit here in the library after midnight attempting to study for a test at 10 am and not be overwhelmed by my never-ending to-do list, I was reminded of an essay I once read called "Why I Want a Wife" by Judy Syfers. This site describes the original publication and delivery (celebrating the 50th anniversary of the 19th amendment). 

I have included the essay in its entirety below for all of y'all  - gay, straight, male, female, single or otherwise - who, like me, WANT A WIFE ;) 

I belong to that classification of people known as wives. I am A Wife. And, not altogether incidentally, I am a mother.

Not too long ago a male friend of mine appeared on the scene fresh from a recent divorce. He had one child, who is, of course, with his ex-wife. He is obviously looking for another wife. As I thought about him while I was ironing one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that I, too, would like to have a wife. Why do I want a wife?

I would like to go back to school so that I can become economically independent, support myself, and, if need be, support those dependent upon me. I want a wife who will work and send me to school. And while I am going to school I want a wife to keep track of the children's doctor and dentist appointments. And to keep track of mine, too. I want a wife to make sure my children eat properly and are kept clean. I want a wife who will wash the children's clothes and keep them mended. I want a wife who is a good nurturant attendant to my children, who arranges for their schooling, makes sure that they have an adequate social life with their peers, takes them to the park, the zoo, etc. I want a wife who takes care of the children when they are sick, a wife who arranges to be around when the children need special care, because, of course, I cannot miss classes at school. My wife must arrange to lose time at work and not lose the job. It may mean a small cut in my wife's income from time to time, but I guess I can tolerate that. Needless to say, my wife will arrange and pay for the care of the children while my wife is working.

I want a wife who will take care of *my* physical needs. I want a wife who will keep my house clean. A wife who will pick up after me. I want a wife who will keep my clothes clean, ironed, mended, replaced when need be, and who will see to it that my personal things are kept in their proper place so I can find what I need the minute I need it. I want a wife who cooks the meals, a wife who is a *good* cook. I want a wife who will plan the menus, do the necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals, serve them pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up while I do my studying. I want a wife who will care for me when I am sick and sympathize with my pain and loss of time from school. I want a wife to go along when our family takes a vacation so that someone can continue to care for me and my children when I need a rest and change of scene.

I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a wife's duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel the need to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my course of studies. And I want a wife who will type my papers for me when I have written them.

I want a wife who will take care of the details of my social life. When my wife and I are invited out by my friends, I want a wife who will take care of the babysitting arrangements. When I meet people at school that I like and want to entertain, I want a wife who will have the house clean, will prepare a special meal, serve it to me and my friends, and not interrupt when I talk about the things that interest me and my friends. I want a wife who will have arranged that the children are fed and ready for bed before my guests arrive so that the children do not bother us. I want a wife who takes care of the needs of my guests so that they feel comfortable, who makes sure that they have an ashtray, that they are passed the hors d'oeurves, that they are offered a second helping of the food, that their wine glasses are replenished when necessary, that their coffee is served to them as they like it.

And I want a wife who knows that sometimes I need a night out by myself.

I want a wife who is sensitive to my sexual needs, a wife who makes love passionately and eagerly when I feel like it, a wife who makes sure that I am satisfied. And, of course, I want a wife who will not demand sexual attention when I am not in the mood for it. I want a wife who assumes the complete responsibility for birth control, because I do not want more children. I want a wife who will remain sexually faithful to me so that I do not have to clutter up my intellectual life with jealousies. And I want a wife who understands that *my* sexual needs may entail more than strict adherence to monogamy. I must, after all, be able to relate to people as fully as possible.

If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with another one. Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life; my wife will take the children and be solely responsible for them so that I am left free.

When I am through with school and have a job, I want my wife to quit working and remain at home so that my wife can more fully and completely take care of a wife's duties.

My God, who *wouldn't* want a wife?

My comments are just as tongue-in-cheek as the essay but I still offer this disclaimer: I do not expect to have someone do all of that for me and nor do I think anyone else should expect all of that either. It is simply unfair to expect anyone - wife or husband - to do all of that. If everyone pulled their own weight in the home then we wouldn't have wives who end up feeling like this:

So lovingly but also logically, I say to anyone stuck in a situation like my last few weeks, overwhelmed with life's to-do lists, to the point that you want a wife like the imaginary one in the essay above, just suck it up and follow this advice ;) 

And thank the wife or mom or friend or roommate who helps out with cooking your meals, cleaning your clothes, making your doctor's appointments, etc. etc. etc.