Perhaps I'm a Prude: Thoughts on Modesty and Bikinis

Even though I live in Charleston - a beautiful beach destination - I, sadly, don't make it to the beach much.

This is not because of any moral stance, simply that I'm busy and never tan but simply freckle and burn.

However, in recent years, I have begun to have a moral dilemma in dealing with bathing suits.
Several friends and I have discussed if we should... quit wearing bikinis.

Gasp.
Many people think it's ludicrous
Or prudish
To contemplate another option.

Even though I am an adult and now live on my own, I am sure that my father would beat my 24-year-old butt if I tried to walk around in public in my bra and underwear. But a bikini - oh, don't worry dad - this bra and panties are waterproof so all ethical issues are now removed.

????

When it comes to bathing suits, modesty is pushed to the side because these are for the beach, not the bedroom. Duh.

I am just not so sure.

And then of course there are all the feminist notions out there that a woman should be able to wear (or not wear) whatever she wants and a man can't touch her or judge her... in a 3-piece suit or a 2-piece bikini.

True. I agree that even if I was walking around absolutely naked, no man has a right to touch me or rape me.

But, even so, I'm don't see how women are supposed to be empowered by wearing a bikini.
Revealing so much of ourselves serves who... ? Women?

It is hardly empowering to be prancing around half-naked for many of my friends.

I have countless conversations with women who hate going to the beach, putting their bodies on display fearing they will be judged by other girls for not being thin/toned/pretty enough. Further, no one has to voice a word and women already kill their confidence at the beach with self-hatred talk comparing themselves to the twigs with big boobs and barbie-like long legs.

I do wish we could all just embrace ourselves as we are but the truth is that most women do not. But, here is to hoping that we can get a bikini body this way:

Or we could all just take a stance to quit wearing the bikini.

I get not wanting to have tan lines... or burn lines as is my usual case. So go for a strapless top. But, not having a tan belly? Is this really a problem? How many people really see your stomach? Do you display it anywhere BUT the beach?

Back to the question of who it serves when women wear bikinis.

I'm thinking men more than women.

This is not a Christian issue of worrying over a man or woman's purity, though many take that angle.

This is just a freaking self-respect issue and I think we don't need to let it all hang out in front of a bunch of a strangers in public.

I like the way Jessica Rey phrased it:

"Modesty isn't about covering up our bodies because they're bad. Modesty isn't about hiding ourselves. It's about revealing our dignity." 

Rey has recently added a lot to this discussion of modesty and doing away with bikinis through this video presentation and also her line of modest retro swimwear, inspired by Audrey Hepburn.

So there you have it.

Perhaps I'm a prude but those are my thoughts on modesty and bikinis ;)

You're More Beautiful Than You Think

You're More Beautiful Than You Think.

I'd be willing to bet on it.

As women especially, we are ridiculously hard on ourselves.

It has never been more apparent than in this recent experiment by Dove:

These women so misrepresented themselves. The sketch of what others saw was so much more grace-giving than the ones where they described how they perceived themselves to be.

We see - and focus on - flaws rather than our stronger features.

I do it too. 

I recently had a horrible breakout AND an even worse haircut that looked like a mix between Cindy Lou Who from the Grinch and a 1960s bouffant hairstyle. There was an increase in self-hate talk and a decrease in confidence. 

Thank God those are two very temporary situations. 

Skin clears and hair grows back. 

But, sadly, body image issues remain.

I recently saw this article that summarizes 9 things we should know about body-image issues: 

1. Was the video from above; here is a still-shot the article showed: 
   

2. 5'3" and 166.2 pounds: average height and weight for American women. 5'10" and 120 pounds: average for fashion models
3. Age 6: when girls start to express concerns about their own weight or shape. 40-60% of elementary girls: amount who are concerned about their weight or about becoming too fat. (AGE 6!?! No wonder this is a pervasive problem for women... we are conditioned to be concerned about our image by the time we begin elementary school.)
4. 12-13 years old: the median ages for onset of an eating disorder in adolescents. 20 million: U.S. women who suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder at some time in their life.
5.  4%: amount of women globally who consider themselves beautiful.
6. 2/3 of women globally: the amount who strongly agree that "the media and advertising set an unrealistic standard of beauty that most women can't ever achieve"
7. Researchers have found that "fat talk"—a phenomena in which a person makes negative claims about their weight to others—is an expected norm among women and a way for them to appear more modest.
8. A study published in the Journal of Eating Disorders found that while "fat talk" tended to decrease with age, "old talk" often came in to replace it, and that both were reported by women who appeared to have a negative body image
9. The only complete way to overcome the problem is to have our beliefs about body image transformed by the Holy Spirit. As Heather Davis says in the Journal of Biblical Counseling:

In pursuing worldly beauty, we strive to become this elusive image in place of who we really are. You and I are created in the image of the living God. Our purpose is to reflect His image to the world. But since the fall, we let the world inscribe its image on us. It is the very picture of sin and ultimately death. Instead of being transformed to God's image, we conform to the world's image...

God makes you beautiful with the beauty of His Son, Jesus. It is in gazing at God's image in Jesus Christ that you are transformed. Romans 12:1-2 says, "Therefore, I urge you, (sisters) in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

And, said in a different way, this is one of my all-time favorite slam poems, "You are Beautiful" by Mike Young. It is SO worth a listen! 

Some of my favorite lines of his are... 

• Saying that you're nothing does not honor me
• Humility isn't thinking less of you, it's thinking of you less
• This reality: you look just like your Daddy
• [who thinks you're beautiful?] "I do" proclaims the voice that spoke the skies 
• You are beautiful because of what I say... - God

Genesis 1:27 says: 

So God created human beings in his own image.
    In the image of God he created them;
    male and female he created them.

We look just like our daddy. 

As Mike Young says, the voice that spoke the skies spoke our name and when He did, He had glory on his lips. 

We are beautifully and wonderfully made in the image of the creator of the entire world. 

He does not make mistakes and He made us exactly as we are... it is a slap in His face when we insult our image or anyone else since we all represent Him. 

I hope you can live out the Romans verses above. Break you mind from distorting your image from anything but beautiful.

As the Dove campaign put it, "You're More Beautiful Than You Think."

Advice from a Yogi, Anne Frank and a First Lady

If you ever want to start your day off well, go for an early morning walk with a yogi (aka someone really into yoga).

That's what I did to start off this fabulous Friday.

My yogi friend was drinking green tea and was full of positive energy... which I needed as I have been berating myself all week as I attempt to complete my grad school application which I was steadily convincing myself would never get me accepted.

She stopped me in the midst of putting myself down over failing to write a "good enough" purpose statement for my grad school application. She told me something that she had just learned in her yoga teacher training and it was incredibly profound:

"If you wouldn't say it to someone else, you shouldn't say it to yourself."

Dang.

So true.

But, how often do we - especially women - put ourselves down? Whether over body image or boys or grad school application inadequacies. 

I always work so hard at encouraging other people BUT often fail to do the same for myself. I am my own worst critic.

Well, I plan to quit it.

I invite y'all to do the same.

What if instead of telling ourselves we aren't good enough for [insert your own personal insecurity in here], we told ourselves something positive that we appreciate about ourselves?

It doesn't have to be as cheesy or high energy as this, though it is adorable and one of my YouTube favs ;)

This little girl's daily affirmations may be a bit extreme BUT what a great example of being grateful and pleased with who we are and where we are in life.

What if we started each day off the same way?

Not endlessly picking apart our "flaws" but appreciating our hair or home or whatever and telling ourselves that we "can do anything good"?

I believe that the power of positive thinking would have impressive effects.

One of which is happiness :)

My friend's positivity made me happier by the end of our walk AND, conveniently, her tea bag's tag summarized it well with this quote on the back:

"Inspiring others towards happiness brings you happiness."

Even in the midst of grad school application stress, I can find something to be happy about.

One reason I know this is because Anne Frank in the midst of putting her life on hold and hiding to avoid being persecuted or killed during the holocaust said this:

"Whoever is happy will make others happy too."

Isn't that impressive? In the midst of her rough circumstances, she chose to be happy.

Happiness is a choice.

The first ever First Lady of America, Martha Dandridge Custis Washington, said this:

 "The greater part of happiness or misery depends on our disposition, not our circumstances."

We can choose a disposition where we put ourselves down and feel miserable OR we can choose to be nice to ourselves and be happy, making others happy too.

I hope you will join my yogi friend, myself, Anne Frank and Martha Washington in choosing to be happy and thinking more highly of ourselves.

Remember, "if you wouldn't say it to anyone else, you shouldn't say it to yourself." 

Love Your Body - yesteday, today, EVERY day

Too fat. Too flabby. Too short. Too tall. Small boobs. Big belly. Pimply. Hairy. Flat butt. Fat butt. UGLY.


This is no dark Dr. Seuss tale of One Girl, Two Girl, Ugly Girl, Pretty Girl.

For many of us, it is a daily dialogue with ourselves. Because we don't feel good enough.

We NEVER feel good enough.

Why is that?

There are a host of reasons but I believe the media is a huge culprit.

Take this short quiz (only 10 questions) to see if you agree. If you don't agree as of now, I feel like you will by the end of the quiz. Seriously, take it.

How did you do?

I'm embarrassed to say I didn't make a 100% (I missed 2) since I have been focused on this topic all semester for my WGS Capstone class. I chose this topic because, though I haven't suffered from an eating disorder myself, I have lived with and talked with several friends who have.

In an attempt to combat the issue of self-hatred (like the list above) and eating disorders, I embraced as my activism and educational project the Love Your Body Campaign.

Yesterday, October 20th, was the National Organization for Women's Love Your Body Day.

I made flyers and, with the help of CofC's NOW and Peer Counselors, handed out candy and zines. I also created complement cards to spread the love and encourage self-acceptance; They said things like "You look lovely today," "You are funny," and "You are very intelligent."

The most fun aspect of bringing the Love Your Body campaign to campus was having people create their own "Love Labels." I simply bought a bunch of blank labels and pretty colored pens and had people write "I love my body" or whatever else they'd like to put. Make your own!!!

Some of the Love Labels included:

• I love ALL of me
• I love how short I am 
• I love my butt
• I love my legs
• I love my boobs
• I love my smile (from a girl with braces... how fantastic!)
• I love my beard
• I love my whole body

It was great fun but, I must admit that much of my campaign boiled down to my presentation on media literacy. 

I included my own slides (which will likely show up in subsequent blogposts) but my presentation centered around NOW's Love Your Body Campaign official powerpoint. It was so fabulous that I honestly didn't feel I could create one any better.

So, obviously, I think y'all should check it out. Seriously. Don't be intimidated by the number of slides; it is a lot of images so it doesn't take long.

K, really. Did you view it? I. HOPE. SO.

And if you are now thoroughly pissed off, as I suspect you are, check out these 20 Ways to Be a Media Activist.

But most of all, realize that the media just wants your money.

The way they get that is by using a simple formula:

Step 1: The media creates unattainable, "perfect" images of so-called-beauty

Step 2: We end up feeling not good enough

Step 3: We are eager to buy their products that supposedly provide that "perfect" beauty

Step 4: We give them our money but their products never allow us to reach their false image of "perfect beauty"

Step 5: Repeat the vicious cycle. And feel like crap. 

This leads to self-hatred talk:
Too fat. Too flabby. Too short. Too tall. Small boobs. Big belly. Pimply. Hairy. Flat butt. Fat butt. UGLY.

Don't let it.

Fight back.


LOVE. YOUR. BODY. (Here are 7 Ways to do so right now).

And not just on Love Your Body Day but EVERY day.

Embrace YOUR own, one-of-a-kind, absolutely stunning body and beauty.