The Bachelor is Wrong... Biologically

While at SEWSA, I was speaking to a woman who works at a college. What she could not understand was how many women flocked to and fawned all over the guys on campus.

Assuming it was much like my school where the girls greatly outnumber the guys, I said it was probably just that: the guys were in short supply and high demand so they got the pick of the litter. However, she said her school had an almost even break in the girl to guy ratio.

This started a whole discussion on how society might be leading women and men to believe that regardless of ratios, men still get the pick of the litter.

My favorite quote from this conversation was when she said, "I mean take The Bachelor for example... all those women going after one guy!?! That just doesn't make sense. Even biologically, think about it, a ton of sperm go after only one egg. That's how it should be in life."

Amen, sister. I wish.

Biologically it seems the case. Socially though, it isn't lived out. Women chase after men rather than the other way around... after a certain age anyway.

I recently did lunch with a little girl that I babysit who is 5 AND, she was quick to clarify, a half years old. In our conversation, she mentioned her boyfriend. He is not imaginary and he is not her first. In fact, he is not her second but her third boyfriend. I repeat, she is on her third boyfriend and is not yet six years old!?!

Not to beat a dead horse, but - reminder - I am single. And I am 21. AND, unlike the boys at her school, I do not have guys lined up around the corner for me.

I started to wonder why.

At such a young age without the extensive socialization from more adult movies, tv, etc. in the media, and without caring for any "cootie-spreading" sexual acts, these boys are just responding biologically to go after this lovely little girl in their class.

Sadly, boys my age have been more socialized and I think they have gotten the message through media that goes against biology saying that women should chase after them.

Well, ladies, I say we need to have some self-respect and some self-restraint. Let's stop boosting these boys' egos and quit chasing after them.

We. Are. Worthy. Of. Pursuit.

Let's get back to biology and let them chase after us...

Lovebug Lesson: an oldie but a goodie

So, yet another week of being slammed with school is drawing to a close. It prevented me from writing a new post but tonight as I reviewed my old assignments in an attempt to compile a portfolio for an interview tomorrow, I came across this piece I wrote last year.

Sorry to again cop out with using school stuff on here but if I have not already made it clear, I am a bit of a nerd so my school tends to seep into other areas of my life ;) Having said that, this article is hardly dry, academic material...

And sadly, still single over a year later, the lesson I learned is still relevant in my life. Hopefully y'all will find it relevant too:

Lovebug Lesson

Newly single and past the crying phase I was trying to bolster myself back up again listening to strong, female rockers screaming about how they did not need a man and are better off without him, etc., etc., etc. Just as soon as Kelly Clarkson finished the last lines of “Walk Away,” I went to answer my dog’s scratch at the door, signaling he wanted back inside. As he came prancing in, a barrage of lovebugs flew right in with him in an ironic, cruel, and unusual visual of what I had just lost and what I wanted most at that very moment: love.

A bunch of dumb bugs. Their little black and red bodies attached to their mates fluttered all around me. Lost in the cloud of coupled bugs, I swished and swatted until I had chased them all back outside. Nonetheless, I could not swat away what they had reminded me of which, being the dire, hopeless romantic that I am, was all I had ever wanted. However, just as quickly as this little insect army of amore flew in, so did the realization that I was looking for love from the wrong place: boys.

I had found love from boys at an early age. My first boyfriend ever came before I was even a teenager. He left me when a new, prettier girl joined us on our school bus the beginning of my eighth grade year. Crushed, I moved on into high school where half of my identity through those high school years was found in that of my other half – my high school sweetheart. Ever so appropriate for a hopeless romantic, and having dated him for over four years, four of my most influential, coming-of-age years, he truly had completed me in a sense. His love for me gave me confidence, fulfillment, and happiness – or so I thought. Then, all of this love boiled down to sex or lack thereof so he left me. Boys, just about as dumb as those lovebugs sometimes.

They can also be just as pesky and unavoidable as well. In the months after my breakup with my high school sweetheart, now in college I was surrounded by a barrage of new boys who, unfortunately, like the lovebugs that day I let my dog in, just flew right past me, un-phased entirely. I was desperately trying to catch one feeling incomplete without someone to love me.

Crushes came and went but, on the whole, I was unsuccessful. No one seemed to be crushing me back. With my first year of college ending and heading back home for the summer, I had begrudgingly resolved to be single. It was then that a boy unexpectedly flew into my life. We had quite a glorious, whirlwind romance consisting of an array of exciting, adventuresome dates complete with fireworks and shooting stars; I am not even kidding. Despite this seemingly dream come true for my hopeless romantic self, as sophomore year approached he would be heading off to college in North Carolina while I would remain in South Carolina for school so I was content to leave our relationship as a summer fling. However, like those lovebugs, he was pesky and persistent. As a result, despite my inhibitions and after warning him of the difficulties of long distance on any relationship, particularly our budding one that lacked a strong foundation, I agreed to be his girlfriend – ever eager for love.

Big mistake. Not even one month into school, he wanted a break. This in turn, broke my heart. Out of nowhere, he had moved on and left me lonely, unloved, and with an aching heart. All of my worries and fears at the summer’s end were staring me dead in the face. So, I cried my tears and took down our couple picture and proceeded to the aforementioned female rockers with the empowering break-up songs. Then came the lovebugs and their unexpected lesson.

Now, by the inclination those insects led me to, I have realized that I have to heal my heart and make it whole by loving me all by myself. Once I can do that, just like those rocker chicks rave about, I will not need a man. Although, once I reach that point, I’ll be ready for one and hopefully then the boys will be just like those lovebugs in that I will attract so many, I will have to swat to keep them all away.

Pick of the Litter: It's all about perspective

As already mentioned, there are a ton of girls on my campus. In fact, across the nation, there are more girls than guys in higher education. And on this earth, there are more females than males: only 51% to 49%; don’t freak out ;) Of course, this can lead to more competition between us for guys and it certainly gives guys their choice of the girl they’d like to be with.

BUT, I recently realized this wonderful turning of the tables: we have the pick of the litter too :) Now, I’m not suggesting we all turn lesbian; what I’m saying is we can shift our perspective.

All these girls are a positive thing. We have the pick of the litter for good girl friends. Those are hard to come by. We don’t have to settle for half-hearted, ill-fitted relationships or acquaintances. We can weed out the girls that grate our nerves or have dissimilar interests and keep the ones who we truly enjoy being with.

These relationships are much more worth our time and attention because lets face it, unless we meet our future husbands, we are not likely to keep in touch with many of our dates from college. However, good girlfriends can last a long time – if we have the opportunity to find those that really suit us.

They are the ones to pour our secrets, ideas, and love into because they are trustworthy and reciprocate it. Not that boys can’t do that BUT we will probably only settle down with one guy and we don’t have to select just one girl friend.

Fortunately, we have the pick of the litter here. So look at it that way ladies, if you don’t currently have a boyfriend (or even if you do) to gush over and give all your time and attention to, SHARE that with a good girl friend. Call her randomly or give her a note or compliment or plan a girl’s night.

Good girl friends are likely to stick around longer than any boy so make a wise investment: sisters before misters!

Dating… or lack thereof: Balancing being a Southern Belle and Feminist AND single

For those of you who don’t know, the College of Charleston girl-to-guy ratio is very slanted – in the boys’ favor. This amounts to a very competitive dating scene and the boys have their pick of the litter.

Being a Southern Belle, I like to say that I have too much clothes and too much class to attract the attention of any guys on this campus. However, I was hoping my Junior year (this year), the boys would begin to settle down and be more interested in a wholesome girl like myself and ready for a relationship rather than just a good time.

It seems I was too hopeful. So now I am in a bit of a predicament, due almost entirely to a lack of patience ;) I would love to date but I don’t quite know how to go about it. The Southern Belle in me feels the guy should make the first move. I often reference the movie “He’s Just Not that Into You” which is basically my dating tutorial now. In the movie, the male lead repeatedly tells the girl “If a guy wants to make it happen, he’ll make it happen.”

Though I like the clarity that this dating stance would provide, I am very underwhelmed at the boys ability to make it happen. This is where the Feminist in me emerges. I say to heck with waiting; if I want to make it happen, I’ll make it happen. But then, you risk seeming desperate, promiscuous, or just plain pesky.

So here I am, balancing being a Southern Belle and Feminist and SINGLE. Any advice is welcomed ;)