A Shift Towards Sharing - First up: SheLoves Magazine

Hey Everyone,

(A Little Life Update)

Life is busy for me right now... if you haven't gathered that from my infrequent posting. Gone (for now) are my days of posting something lengthy and elaborate once a week :/ Let's get real... those days have been long gone for a few months now, ha!

Next week I head off to Vanderbilt to go the Accepted Students Weekend before I begin graduate school there in the fall. The following week, I'll be traveling to Haiti for a mission trip in an orphanage. A few weeks after that, I'll be heading to Atlanta for a conference. In April, things will be picking up with work and in 6 months I'm uprooting my life to move states away to Tennessee.

Overwhelming if I let myself dwell on it. But, I try not to because, Matthew 6:34 says:

"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."            

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't spend all day, every day worrying; my life is most definitely NOT just trouble.

There is SO much joy and goodness in my life right now. 

A path for my future. A fulfilling job. Great friends and family. A supportive and wonderful boyfriend. Great community at church. January and February days in the 80s, full of sunshine. Lots of on-sale Valentine's day chocolate I picked up from CVS today ;)

(A Shift Towards Sharing)

However, because I want to keep an active presence on this blog, I have decided that I will try to get back in the habit of more regular posting but instead of writing a post each week, I might just do a quick share of something that I love or find interesting.

It may just be a quick picture or quote.
Maybe a devotional I've read. 
Possibly a book suggestion.
Even, perhaps, a current favorite song or YouTube video...?

But, most likely, it will be an article or blog I like.

(First Up: SheLoves Magazine)

My boss recently introduced me to this blog because there was a post about Haiti where I'll soon be leading that mission trip.

However, I began looking around and I ABSOLUTELY LOVED WHAT I SAW. 

Not only was there a phenomenal post about human trafficking, there were great posts daily from women living and loving around the world, empowering others to do the same. 

This is how they describe themselves: 

You wanted to know what SheLoves is? Yes, we call ourselves a magazine, but now that we’re almost two years old, we’ve discovered we are more than that: We’re a global community of women–a Sisterhood–who want to know and experience freedom, justice and transformation, for ourselves and others.

Our mission is: To mobilize and empower women, so we may transform our world together.

Sounds big? We simply do it by sharing our stories with each other six days a week, learning, growing, encouraging each other and coming alongside the dreams God puts in individual women’s hearts.

How fabulous is that????

They continue with things like: 

"We believe in Sisterhood. Women who Love, in spite of our shortcomings and mistakes and even differing perspectives. Love, in spite of, SO that we can come together and be part of creating change on the earth. We are gathering and strengthening for a purpose: so our voices may rise together on the injustices that demand our awakening, our attention and our strength."

And:

"We want to be educated and informed and we want to think through what we believe, so we may each find our voice in the story God draws us into. We want to do it beautifully, with great Love."

 And:

"We believe in prayer. Period. Fragmented prayers, directed prayers, passionate prayers, intercessory prayers, humble prayers, honest prayers. Scared prayers. Silent prayers. Sighing prayers. Sacred prayers."

This is their BEAUTIFUL manifesto:
__________________________________

Let us be women who Love.
Let us be women willing to lay down our sword words, our sharp looks, our ignorant silence and towering stance and fill the earth now with extravagant Love.
Let us be women who Love.
Let us be women who make room.
Let us be women who open our arms and invite others into an honest, spacious, glorious embrace.

Let us be women who carry each other.
Let us be women who give from what we have.
Let us be women who leap to do the difficult things, the unexpected things and the necessary things.
Let us be women who live for Peace.
Let us be women who breathe Hope.
Let us be women who create beauty.
Let us be women who Love.

Let us be a sanctuary where God may dwell.
Let us be a garden for tender souls.
Let us be a table where others may feast on the goodness of God.
Let us be a womb for Life to grow.
Let us be women who Love.

Let us rise to the questions of our time.
Let us speak to the injustices in our world.
Let us move the mountains of fear and intimidation.
Let us shout down the walls that separate and divide.
Let us fill the earth with the fragrance of Love.
Let us be women who Love.

Let us listen for those who have been silenced.
Let us honour those who have been devalued.
Let us say, Enough! with abuse, abandonment, diminishing and hiding.
Let us not rest until every person is free and equal.
Let us be women who Love.

Let us be women who are savvy, smart and wise.
Let us be women who shine with the light of God in us.
Let us be women who take courage and sing the song in our hearts.
Let us be women who say, Yes to the beautiful, unique purpose seeded in our souls.
Let us be women who call out the song in another’s heart.
Let us be women who teach our children to do the same.
Let us be women who Love.

Let us be women who Love, in spite of fear.
Let us be women who Love, in spite of our stories.
Let us be women who Love loudly, beautifully, Divinely.
Let us be women who Love.

 If you aren't sold yet on subscribing to their "Stories of Sisterhood," I encourage you to scope out what has quickly become my new favorite website.

Lunch Buddies, Lanyards & Love

I have a date every week with a 9-year-old.

I see her every Thursday. She is my lunch buddy :)

It is a program with Communities in Schools, a "nationwide network of passionate professionals working in public schools to surround students with a community of support, empowering them to stay in school and achieve in life."

I must admit, when I began the process of applying to volunteer, I felt awkward.

Beyond that, I felt like a creeper. The forms asked questions like what school we wanted to work with and what age child and gender. I felt like a pedophile selecting, "I'd like a little blue-eyed, blonde 7 year-old girl" Now, to clarify, the application did not ask for those details... but still!

I pushed through the awkward application process, however, and got my background check approved and my references in. Then I was allowed to begin the program.

My little girl, who I shall refer to as K, was a little reserved at first. 

Our first couple lunch dates, we covered the usual topics like favorite color, food, tv show, etc. And I began to ask about her family. When I asked about her parents, she said: "I have a mom. She is 38." 

This threw me off. And broke my heart. 

In sharing about my mom, I have never once revealed her age (In fact, I'd probably get in trouble for making that public knowledge, lol!). However, K obviously has been asked/judged so much that even as a 9-year-old, she was on the defense to prove to me her mom was older - not a teenage mom as many would assume. Although, I later found out K has sisters who are in their early 20s so her mom was a teenage mom who just continued to have children.  

My heart further broke a few weeks into the school-year when I found out her mom went to jail so K was living between her older sisters' homes and her own where the mom's live-in boyfriend still resided. My little 4th-grade lunch buddy was left to do homework/eat/entertain/protect herself many nights with little-to-no adult supervision. 

It comes as no surprise that when she is then under strict supervision at school, she often gets in trouble. I am not even assuming this; in a scarlet-letter-kind-of-way, the school has a branding system of colored lanyards: 

• Gold = good behavior
• Green = you've been spoken to but mostly behaved
• Red = you got in trouble, seriously or frequently

Well, my little K has been on red LITERALLY every week that I've met with her this school-year :( 

Despite that we had not had progress in the lanyard arena, we had progress in our connection with each other. 

The first week, she wouldn’t even hardly hold my eye contact, much less my hand. But the more lunches and conversations we shared led to smiles, then hugs, then walking her to her classroom or recess. 

A few weeks ago, she held my hand all the way from the lunch room to recess and had me play with her outside a bit; before we said goodbye, she told me she loved me. 

Gah. Melt my heart. 

Once I realized she knew I cared for her and I knew she cared for me, I felt that I could push her and she knew it would be coming from a good place – not just another adult telling her what to do. 

On our next lunch date, I talked with her about her lanyard and asked her if she thought she could get on green. She didn’t really know what to say. 

I told her I didn’t just think she could get on green; I knew she could. She pinky-promised me (which is about as binding as a contract can be for an elementary school kid!) that she would try to get on green.

Sadly, I didn’t see her the next Thursday because the weather was awful and the streets were flooded and I couldn’t get to her school. 

The next Thursday was Thanksgiving so school was off. 

As a result, it was 3 weeks before I saw her again :/

And to make matters worse, I was late that Thursday. I had just managed to find parking near her school when I got a call from the lady in charge of Communities in Schools; she told me K was asking to make sure I was still coming in that day. I told her I was literally walking in the door and would see them both in 2 minutes. 

As I walked into the lunchroom, K spotted me first. She gave me a big ole smile and hug and then we sat down to chat about our usual: her food, her classes, her weekend, etc. 

But, then she asked: “Do you like surprises?” with a coy smile on her face. 

I had no idea where she was going with this. 

I said, “Of course, I love surprises! Do you?” 

But, she ignored my question and simply stated, “I have a surprise for you.” 

I still had no idea where she was going with this. “You do!?!” I asked. 

At this point, she begins to unbutton her coat which I had failed to realize was still on. By about the third button, I saw it, hanging around her neck: a GREEN lanyard!!!! 

She saw me see it and asked me, “Do you remember how last time we met, you told me I could get a green lanyard?” 

“Of course I do!!!” I said, pleased and impressed that she still remembered. 

“And I knew you could do it!!!” I added, “I am SOOOOOOO proud of you!!!” 

I proceeded to give her countless high fives and hugs… as I fought back the tears welling up in my eyes because she had remembered and honored that challenge. AND she had believed in herself because someone else had believed in her. 

She said, “See, I can be not bad.” 

This broke my heart too. She believed she was a bad person. I said, “Oh, K! You were never bad. You may have made some bad choices but you were never bad. You are a sweet, good girl and you can always be that if you decide to be.” 

I know it was cheesy but I don’t think she has ever heard this. Certainly not at school. She is told she is bad and she is viewed as bad since she has to wear a red lanyard. 

For clarification, this is not to hate on the system or the teachers or the school. I know they have structure in place for a reason and it can be largely effective. However, for K, she had begun to believe she was only as good as she had gotten in the system: red lanyard status. 

Further, it didn’t seem that she believed she could move beyond that. 

But she did!!!! 

I brought up her green lanyard and green things like 50 times in the last 15 minutes of our lunch.

I am happy to report that the next week, K still had a green lanyard :)

She and I were both excited and proud. We have already decided that in 2013, we are aiming for the gold lanyard. She believes she can do it now. 

A little thing like a shift from a red lanyard holding your student ID card changing to a green lanyard has had profound effects on K’s self-confidence and I think even self-worth. 

And, it was all accomplished in a few lunch dates. 

This is not a bragging moment for me as such a great lunch buddy because I only had one afternoon of training and I don’t have special tricks or tips. I was just a grown-up who took time to meet with a little 9-year-old girl and through that, I believed in her and loved on her. 

That is what has profound effects on a child. And, this is something anyone can do. 

Including you.

You too could take less than an hour out of your week to meet with, love on and believe in a child at a school near you. It could have profound effects on you and the child both. 

Communities in Schools is a national organization so check out the one near you… 

 

Bringin the Gospel to the Ghetto

"I'm afraid to die."

That came out of the mouth of a 10-year-old little girl named Kayla that I met doing Vacation Bible School in Washington, D.C. last week.

Kayla is about to be a fifth grader. Fifth graders should NOT be worrying about dying.

But in Kayla's neighborhood - a ghetto just outside of D.C. - dying is a reality.

My group of fifth graders for the week; Kayla is in the middle with the white bow

This place in DC was truly dangerous. And I was not just a frightened Southern Belle exaggerating the situation.

• One boy saw an old man killed: two teenagers had asked the old man for cigarettes but the man lied, saying he didn't have any so when he turned his back, they stabbed him... just for some smokes.
• A local lady who worked in the neighborhood told us the first day as we were handing out flyers that we should NOT walk around there, that it was too dangerous and even she ran to her car every day when she left work. (Despite this, many of these children walked home alone because their parents never came to pick them up.)
• A man who worked with the center where we held the VBS told us that statistics show most of the children in that neighborhood - most of the kids we met at our VBS - would NOT LIVE TO BE 18. 

And these kids know that.

Kayla knows that.

Death is a reality for them.

They grow up losing family members. They don't make many friends because they lose those too.

Most depressing: they don't have dreams because they probably figure they'll lose those as well. Most kids have the cliche dreams of growing up to be a firefighter, a ballerina, a singer, etc. These kids in D.C. did not know what they wanted to be. They had not let their minds wander that far down the road. They did not have anyone in their lives encouraging them to think that far into the future.

So I tried to.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

                                                                                                       - Jeremiah 29:11

But they could not grasp the concept of hope.

They. Had. No. Hope.

They did, however, have HURT.

Every single one of my 10 year olds had been hit or hit someone within the previous month.

When I suggested they hug instead of hit they looked at me as though I were crazy. BUT, I understand why: I come from a different culture. I come from a place where neighborhoods are safe, where people don't die for a pack of cigarettes. I have never hit anyone (other than my brother.... but siblings are kinda a given, right?).

Still, I was hoping they could understand the concepts of mercy, forgiveness, and love:

"But you are a God of forgiveness, gracious and merciful, slow to become angry, and rich in unfailing love."

                                                                                        - Nehemiah 9:17

Ultimately, though, these children were angry. They were afraid.

They have lived a hard life and, according to statistics and stories, most of their lives will be cut short. So, like Kayla, they are afraid to die.

In a last ditch effort to give them some hope in a way they could grasp it, I told them

how NOT to be afraid to die: heaven.

I told them about heaven being a place full of love and laughter where they could be safe and surrounded by friends and family who believed in Jesus WHERE THERE WAS NO HURT. And that they could get there by asking Jesus into their heart.


That broke MY heart.

The best that I could offer them beyond the free meals and hugs for a week was a better view on death:

"He [God] will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever."

                                                                                 - Revelation 21:4

"There he will remove the cloud of gloom, the shadow of death that hangs over the earth. He will swallow up death forever! The Sovereign Lord will wipe away all tears."

                                                                                  - Isaiah 25:7-8

______________________________________________________

Through my heartbreak of bringin' the Gospel to the ghetto, I realized I am living in a bubble.

A bubble of comfort.
A bubble of blindness to others suffering.
A bubble of limitation on my Christianity. 

This mission trip BURST MY BUBBLE.

And I am sooooooo grateful for that because before this trip I was not doing this: 

"Give justice to the poor and the orphan; uphold the rights of the oppressed and the destitute. Rescue the poor and helpless; deliver them from the grasp of evil people."

                                                                                        - Psalm 82:3-4

"Jesus answered, If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

                                                                                       - Matthew 19:21

"If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."

                                                                                           - 1 John 3:17-18

Those are only a few of many verses that call for Christians to care for the poor.

I hope reading them - and perhaps even this post - helped to burst your bubble of comfort and blindness and limitation.

"Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow." [whether it is in D.C., on the other side of the world or in your own neighborhood.]

                                                                                       - Isaiah 1:17 

Point of View is Important - February 14th and Conception ;)

Point of view IS important.

The exact same thing can be quite different depending on your point of view.

Take this past Monday, February 14th, for example.

To most in a relationship or on the cusp of one, February 14th is Valentine's Day... full of love and chocolate and kisses.

To everyone else, February 14th is Singles Awareness Day... one of my friends recently pointed out that its abbreviation actually spells S.A.D.

Ouch.

But in reality, February 14th is just a day... it only changes with your point of view (aka relationship status).

I recently read another great example where the exact same thing changes depending on the point of view:

Conception.

Yes, for real...

Thanks to my Gender and Society textbook ;)

Here is what it said:

You've probably imagined sperm as hardy warriors swimming purposefully upstream, against the current, on a suicide mission to fertilize that egg, or die. (p29)

Right? Now, that clearly is the point of view of the SPERM. And it sounds like all I have ever heard before about conception: to quote Dori out of context from Finding Nemo, I imagine the sperm: "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."  All with intense purpose. Maybe even wearing helmets or goggles ;)

However, my book continues and shows a very uncommon take on conception:

Here's what it actually looks like: [A] wastefully huge swarm of sperm weakly flops along, its members bumping into walls and flailing aimlessly through thick strands of mucus. Eventually, through sheer odds of pinball-like bouncing... a few sperm end up close enough to an egg. As they mill around, the egg selects one and reels it in, pinning it down in spite of its efforts to escape. It's no contest, really. The gigantic hardy egg yanks the tiny sperm inside, distills out the chromosomes, and sets out to become an embryo. (p 29, quoting"The Aggressive Egg" by David Freeman)

Definitely different, right? That point of view clearly comes from the EGG.

Point of view IS important.

So, whether it is February 14th or conception or whatever else you're dealing with... be sure to consider your point of view - you can choose to view the situation as a glass half full or a glass half empty.

And if this past Monday got you down (or S.A.D.), at the risk of being too corny, I remind you that there are other fish in the sea and I'll leave you with this little motto from Dori, my favorite Finding Nemo character:

Lastly, I apologize if, like Nemo's dad, you get stuck with that song in your head ;)

I Think I'm in Love...

... with slam poetry.

It is intense, powerful performance poetry by people who have clever, often cutting commentary on their lives and society. I cannot get enough of it. 

Seriously, my mom - just today - diagnosed me as addicted to YouTube.

I simply can't help it. A video of one poet leads me to another and then another and before I know it, I have spent an hour watching people "spit their rhymes."

Perhaps y'all remember my former blog post where I gushed over Rafael Casal. My crush continues, especially after watching his new stuff: "Ego."

But I've gained a new crush: Chris Tse.

He has countless impressive poems but here are two of my favorites. One is about ending stereotypes. The other one, though I am sad that he had so much content to rhyme about was incredibly well-written and I agree with his desire to move from hatred to love: "I'm a Christian, I'm Sorry."

Yet another crush developed when I discovered George Watsky.

He was precious and proud in his defense first of high school virgins and then lisps. I LOVE IT!!!! There truly is beauty in owning what others might label imperfections.

Beyond the boys though, there were also some brilliant female poets.

Katie Makkai had a poignant poem called "Pretty" about beauty expectations and happiness. The last minute is particularly fabulous!

Also, Sarah Kay had a beautiful poem about her future daughter.

Then there was Shannon Matesky who had a clever poem about Facebook and Myspace.

Lastly, there was Jasmine Mans who delivered a very sad but powerful poem about rape and family.

I hope y'all enjoyed these poems. I've watched many, MANY more... ahhh, the beauty of time to kill on Christmas break :)

If I find any more great ones, I'll share them. Until then, if you've got time to kill, I encourage you to start your own YouTube addiction to explore slam poetry and find your own favorites...

Operation Beautiful: Join the Movement

• 2 out of 5 women would trade 5 years of their life to be thin
• The majority of women overestimate their own waist size by 30 % and their hip size by 16%
• More women are suffering from anorexia or bulimia than are fighting breast cancer
• Most American girls begin to diet when they are just 8 years old
• Why are we are own worst enemies?
• It's time to face the facts: we have a serious body image crisis on our hands.
• facts above taken from this video.

So, what are we going to do about this crisis?

One thing we can do is join Operation Beautiful.

It is a simple thing (post it notes) with poweful results (women feeling better about themselves!).

If you haven't heard the buzz about this wonderful organization, check out the organization's mission below:

The goal of the Operation Beautiful website is to end negative self-talk or “Fat Talk.” If this little blog only does one productive thing, I hope it helps readers realize how truly toxic negative self-talk is — it hurts you emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

Through my own experiences fighting Fat Talk, I’ve realized the power behind an anonymous act such as Operation Beautiful. When I post a note, I’m saying, “I CHOOSE to be positive!”

I began Operation Beautiful by leaving positive messages on the mirrors of public restrooms — at work, at the gym, at the grocery store. I scribble down whatever comes to mind — "You are beautiful!" or "You are amazing just the way you are!" My personal goal is to leave as many Operation Beautiful notes as I can. Maybe some people read them and just smile, but I bet some people are truly touched by the effort of a random stranger.

As if that wasn't fabulous enough, the site has wonderful links to "Change the Way You See."

Another cool thing is this was all started by a young woman (now only 26) named Caitlin.

Her simple idea is now a national movement, appearing on shows like Oprah, The Today Show and many more.


Please join the movement.
Stop the self-hatred and "fat talk."
Buy some post-it notes!
Check out the CofC Chapter on facebook and, get involved so you can, as they say: "Spread the beauty. Feel the love."

And, lastly, remember:
YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL!

Lovebug Lesson: an oldie but a goodie

So, yet another week of being slammed with school is drawing to a close. It prevented me from writing a new post but tonight as I reviewed my old assignments in an attempt to compile a portfolio for an interview tomorrow, I came across this piece I wrote last year.

Sorry to again cop out with using school stuff on here but if I have not already made it clear, I am a bit of a nerd so my school tends to seep into other areas of my life ;) Having said that, this article is hardly dry, academic material...

And sadly, still single over a year later, the lesson I learned is still relevant in my life. Hopefully y'all will find it relevant too:

Lovebug Lesson

Newly single and past the crying phase I was trying to bolster myself back up again listening to strong, female rockers screaming about how they did not need a man and are better off without him, etc., etc., etc. Just as soon as Kelly Clarkson finished the last lines of “Walk Away,” I went to answer my dog’s scratch at the door, signaling he wanted back inside. As he came prancing in, a barrage of lovebugs flew right in with him in an ironic, cruel, and unusual visual of what I had just lost and what I wanted most at that very moment: love.

A bunch of dumb bugs. Their little black and red bodies attached to their mates fluttered all around me. Lost in the cloud of coupled bugs, I swished and swatted until I had chased them all back outside. Nonetheless, I could not swat away what they had reminded me of which, being the dire, hopeless romantic that I am, was all I had ever wanted. However, just as quickly as this little insect army of amore flew in, so did the realization that I was looking for love from the wrong place: boys.

I had found love from boys at an early age. My first boyfriend ever came before I was even a teenager. He left me when a new, prettier girl joined us on our school bus the beginning of my eighth grade year. Crushed, I moved on into high school where half of my identity through those high school years was found in that of my other half – my high school sweetheart. Ever so appropriate for a hopeless romantic, and having dated him for over four years, four of my most influential, coming-of-age years, he truly had completed me in a sense. His love for me gave me confidence, fulfillment, and happiness – or so I thought. Then, all of this love boiled down to sex or lack thereof so he left me. Boys, just about as dumb as those lovebugs sometimes.

They can also be just as pesky and unavoidable as well. In the months after my breakup with my high school sweetheart, now in college I was surrounded by a barrage of new boys who, unfortunately, like the lovebugs that day I let my dog in, just flew right past me, un-phased entirely. I was desperately trying to catch one feeling incomplete without someone to love me.

Crushes came and went but, on the whole, I was unsuccessful. No one seemed to be crushing me back. With my first year of college ending and heading back home for the summer, I had begrudgingly resolved to be single. It was then that a boy unexpectedly flew into my life. We had quite a glorious, whirlwind romance consisting of an array of exciting, adventuresome dates complete with fireworks and shooting stars; I am not even kidding. Despite this seemingly dream come true for my hopeless romantic self, as sophomore year approached he would be heading off to college in North Carolina while I would remain in South Carolina for school so I was content to leave our relationship as a summer fling. However, like those lovebugs, he was pesky and persistent. As a result, despite my inhibitions and after warning him of the difficulties of long distance on any relationship, particularly our budding one that lacked a strong foundation, I agreed to be his girlfriend – ever eager for love.

Big mistake. Not even one month into school, he wanted a break. This in turn, broke my heart. Out of nowhere, he had moved on and left me lonely, unloved, and with an aching heart. All of my worries and fears at the summer’s end were staring me dead in the face. So, I cried my tears and took down our couple picture and proceeded to the aforementioned female rockers with the empowering break-up songs. Then came the lovebugs and their unexpected lesson.

Now, by the inclination those insects led me to, I have realized that I have to heal my heart and make it whole by loving me all by myself. Once I can do that, just like those rocker chicks rave about, I will not need a man. Although, once I reach that point, I’ll be ready for one and hopefully then the boys will be just like those lovebugs in that I will attract so many, I will have to swat to keep them all away.

What Women (and Men) Want

Two hour tea dates at Starbucks, for me at least, are conducive to wonderful and often enlightening discussions. I had once recently with two of my friends – one is married and the other is in a long-term relationship – and we were discussing the difference and often difficulty of communication between the sexes.

There is a TON of information on this topic – so many books, talk shows, news reports, movies, songs, research studies, etc. However, I think we overanalyze and complicate the matter.

Save your time and effort. I believe my friend, Laura, who has the boyfriend, has discovered the difference. She said the most simple and profound thing – women just want to be loved and men want respect.

For example, if she and her boyfriend are arguing and she says, “I respect your opinion and where you’re coming from but I disagree because of…” she can see an immediate difference in the argument. Similarly, when he says something like “I don’t really understand or agree but I still love you and I want to work through this” she feels somewhat satisfied and their anger fades.

Even outside of arguments, I believe this simple truth applies. Girls love affection and to be loved or valued in intimate relationships but also as mothers, employers, group members, etc. Men desire respect as romantic partners but also in the workforce, the church, group activities, etc.

This is NOT to say that women do not value respect and men never need love but in the grand scheme of things, I think this simple truth if carried out could make for an easier, fuller communication between the sexes.